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Ooops! Time to change career?
help
Give quotes that suggests the person would be better seeking more suitable employment.
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But it is cold outside , can I stay in and have another cup of tea first.
These handcuffs will be so envied at the S&M party.
No tax disc, no proof of insurance, no driver's license, no number plates? Well, these things happen. Drive on, sir.
You do not have to say anything but the Lord will know what is in your heart. It may harm your defence in the eyes of the Saviour Lord Jesus Christ if you do not mention when questioned something that Satan has stirrred within your soul which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say will be judged as being the work of the Devil and all his works by the Almighty in all his majesty and may be given in evidence and may the Holy spirit be merciful.
You, er, wanna come back to my place?
These black tights are sooo
yesterday! what happened there?
(Envisioned as being shouted by desk officer when driver is producing documents at the station)
Iä! Iä Shub Niggurath, The Black Goat of the Woods with A Thousand Young!
With grateful thanks to Inkspot for his wonderful entry and the inspiration for this one
Nothing more to see here. (I hope.) Move along there please.
Make way for the new topic: Supermodel
So I have an IQ of more than 90, then? sorrysorrysorry
Cake!
What do you mean I've developed a silicone alergy?
Shave my armpits? Never!
Sorry, I couldn't possibly go to a party - I have to finish my knitting.
There are so few designers making really intellectually challenging clothes.
I'm not going on any diet!
So what powers will I have that normal models don't?
Actually such air-headedness, it seems, would make for a good career here
I think fashion designers appreciate the fuller figure.
What do you mean, my underwear is not appropriate? I always wear long johns and a thermal vest.
No, I prefer to smoke a pipe.
Twiggy and I were in the same class at school.
Following Simons Mith's examples, let's keep the turnover fast and think about Brain Surgeons.
Doh not again!! Did anyone see where I dropped that?
. . . And if I poke this bit, his leg twitches!
GRAAAAGH!! BRAAAIINZZZ!!!
"My Brain hurts!" Dr G.P. Gumby MRCS, MT, MT, MT.
I always find a glass of wine whilst working helps tremendously.
Oh come on, Phillips, stop dithering and slice the damn thing; it's not exactly brain surgery, is it?
Yes, I know she wasn't meant to have a mastectomy, but I'd lost my glasses and I'd got this kind of idea I was supposed to be performing lobotomies on two bald men with large pimples.
Aaaaaaaaaachooo! Dammit! Swab!
"Before we put you under Mr. Blair, could you please confirm the donor's name?"
I have reviewed your case and have a few proposals few you, on my lap top I have a small power point presentation, it will only take a few minutes just to give you some idea of the options no committment for now but I really think we can work together on this.
"Of course I can take this on! I've worked on the best, you know! My most famous client is George W Bush!"
Whats happened to page 15 of the manual?
Look, er, I've got to go - there's a Lodge meeting. We can park this overnight. See you all tomorrow. Ciao!
OK, how about some for Farmers?
"Yeah... the inspectors from the government came round, and told me I had to kill all my cattle and burn them... So, I thought, why not have a really big barbecue and invite everyone?"
No, I'm not going in there! The cows might get me!
So when to I get to sow my oats?
So tell me, how do I grow crop circles?
Slaughter? I'm a vegan, y'know.
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum! Raise the mainsail, me hearties! With a following wind we'll be in Totuga by Sunday! Aharr!
I'm not going down there! These shoes are from Prada!
I'm not going down there! It's filthy.
Now I'll just send all my woolly baa-lambs to France for a visit...
It's just a part-time thing, really.
I'm just sooooo not a morning person, y'know
Yes, feel free to wander around and take whatever you fancy.
No, I wouldn't accept EU subsidy on principle.
I must get those old rights of way properly maintained and signposted.
Move out the way you daft lumbering cows! I want to try out my new 9 iron.
Time for another. Er, hmm. Electrician?
Let's put an HR in:
Electrician
Doctors say I'm colourblind, but what do they know?
Only wimps turn off the switch.
Eenie-meenie-mynie-moe...
I can get it done for you in about two hours, using odds'n'ends I've got in my van. The cost should be nominal, say 30 quid for my time. Tell you what, I can do it next Sunday if you like.
Actually, I'd rather have a cheque, helps keeps the books in order.
What I say is, you can't beat a good old-fashioned fuse box and really thick fuse wire, these modern circuit-breakers trip as soon as look at them.
No, I don't worry about turning the power off. This amulet will protect me against electric shocks.
I don't believe in modern plastics and machine-made wire, they have all the wrong vibrations and completely destroy the feng shui. The best natural cable is made from organically mined copper, hand-drawn through dies of meteoritic iron, wound with birchbark gathered by a full moon and glued with tree sap from trees you planted yourself.
Put these houseplants each side of the TV and next and close as you can to the computer, and that should stop your earth leakage problems.
Let me assure you m'lady, I am no common blue-collared lackey but an itinerant entrepreneur on the verge of groundbreaking discoveries devoted to the scientific hippodrome of electromagnetism and circuitry, therefore do not be overtly alarmed if my methods appear unconventional. I assure you the crux of all electromagnetic inadequacies lie within the boudoir of ones home, so let us proceed therein and if you will consent to participate as my assistant I will footnote your charity in my private journals. Now, shall we prick the cork on this bottle of bubbly as a celebrancy to our partnership?
You don't see wiring like that very often, whoever did this was a real craftsman, I only hope I can do work as good as that.
[Raak] Stop, you're freaking me out :-)
Right then, cross your fingers.....
Yes, I can get the parts for that, no problem. Tomorrow ok?
OK, so brown is earth - makes sense, dunnit!
Remember kid, I have been in this racket a long time and I am the only one here who knows what he is doing so just perform whatever task I assign to you and don't give me no back lip. The company insists on sending you green kids along for me to train and damn if every one to date has not electrocuted himself on the first day. Let's see if you can do better. See here, I want you to splice together them two naked wires, then shimmy up this pole and disconnect the main power.
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