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Strange Pete
rosie] I hope you have played a few slow new orleans funereal bars in his honour ?
Pete
I was amazed recently to learn that Humph is generally credited with the first ever British blues record (Bad Penny Blues) - although as I type this it suddenly occurs to me that I'm sure I know of a British cover of My Man Of War from the early 1940s, so perhaps it's not an entirely accurate credit. But it was great. I suspect that Pete would have been too young to have played on it, though.
Pete's age
Yup, if he died this week aged 65, then in the 40s he was only just old enough to smoke ;o)
Not so fast
[pen] The speed dating has stalled, postponed till next week. [rab] So, how did your brother get on?
Strange Pete
(st d) He had a female friend, a singer, (not a girlfriend) who gave him a lift to the pub where he played in Carshalton every now and then. She always called him Strange Pete but it was friendly. He didn't play New Orleans style, more of a mainstream player. He was always very friendly and slightly tipsy, enough so after one gig to let me have a little tootle on his brand new horn, of which he was very proud. With an instrument like that I could be quite good. Mm . . maybe. I'll miss his cheerful face, to say nothing of his playing.
boom-tish.
Rosie] are you telling me you blew his horn ?!? (oblig.)
ow.
[st d]Thank you for that disturbing mental image. thpppppppttt!!!
fenced in
[Dunx] there was a lot of fencing shown here on French TV earlier in the week (sorry, have been too busy to say till now). The French were doing well in a couple of events at the time, funnily enough.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hmm, quiet in here, innit? Has anyone else read A Gathering Light? I just started it as I'm supposed to be going to a book club on Wed. I actually have found it somewhat annoying so far, but I've only read a couple of chapters. Hopefully it gets better.
Why is it I have a cold any time I come back from anywhere interesting? Foreign germs I guess...or maybe because it rained in Rome and Edinburgh only when I chose to step outside the door....well, either way it sucks! :( Reviews for our show were initially shocking! But then, they went on the first night, and going by the standards of the first night I personally think they were being very kind. (No tech & no dress rehearsals in-venue, the in-house techies buggered up all the lighting & sound, which is sort of integral really, and everyone else forgot their lines. We had to cut bits as we went along because we were so behind time - I'm not surprised they didn't like or follow it cos I couldn't either and I was on stage!) But as of Tuesday we were on fire and the people sensible enough to come after that liked us - we had 30 people in on Wednesday, which was our best night by far! Hooray! I think they said we had 120 or something during the week, which by Fringe standards isn't bad, and Fest magazine (http://www.festonline.co.uk/review.php?id=303) gave us 3 stars, which is more than they gave Ed Byrne, and recognised the genius that is my friend Brad. So, as the director's dad said when he was taking all our cast photos...."bugger The Scotsman!" :)
Although, in hindsight, we were in Scotland at the time so I hope not too many people heard us! :)
bravo
sounds like you had a good time all in all ZK. So do you have the festival bug then ?
I can't seem to play any of the games in here at the moment. *whimper*
Festen
Ah, good old Fest. The deputy editor's a friend of mine, so thank your lucky stars ZK you weren't rude about it!

[svitc] Because they're too hard, or technical problems with posting.

D'oh.

I just don't have any inspiration/wit/wisdom, nothing technical.
[small] Fear ye not, I haven't played any of the games for about 2 months. No-one seems to have noticed! :)
[ZK] Do not think yourself ignored - you said where you going, so notice would have been redundant.

Glad you're back though.

How can anything be redundant when it wasn't dundant in the first place?
I must object. I have, on occasion, been dundant. [Dunx] Thankyou, although I just meant that the only game I'd been on in ages was this one, as my humble brain has burn-out and can't cope with the other ones :)
[ZK] Well, not at all a bad notice from Fest, who even note your youth, although whether that's good or bad is perhaps moot. Very good to see you back though.
Wish we were there
Had a postcard from Bob the Dog and family yesterday (who if you remember have gone to Cornwall for a holiday). The postcard had the simple message, "WET!".
"Carrot!"
Clearly monolexemia runs in the family.
[Projoy] When do you want that Dracula vid back btw?
Drac
I have some DVDs in now, so you could swap it for one of those if you like.
Slottage
On the grounds that a new game slot has been left open for days, I've dropped the game limit to 10, which is any case is a nicer number than 11.
10/11
That's a pretty sweeping statement rab. Would you care to back that up or are you just going to go around willy-nilly declaring some numbers to be more nice than others ? I think we should be told. It's a slippery slope you know. First its "oh 10 is nicer than 11" next thing you know its 4am and the police have smashed in your front door and you are in teh back of a lorry with a sack over your head being shouted at in Welsh.......
Re: shouted at in Welsh - I think I just was :)

That said, the number 11 sends shivers down my spin on account of its being the typical size of a group of butch ladies brandishing hard sticks.

rab] and what is wrong with dutch ladies ?
11 game slots? It's ridiculous. It's not even funny.
Numerologically, 11 is a much better number than 10.
... and 11 is the number of TimTams in a packet...
No, 11 may have a certain richness compared to ten, but is horrible as it is nearly 12 but not quite, and 12 is the best number. It is also the number of Apostles left after Judas quit (despite 1 Cor 15:5). And it's a prime number, which is bad. Ten is more satisfying all around.
Yes, but asserting the supremacy of 10 is to glorify the Western decimal system of counting over other, equally valid, numerical systems from other cultures, which have been marginalised by the patriarchal hegemony of the Western attitudes to number, particular the oppressive and unholistic notion of the integer. You might as well stage a Nazi revolution, frankly, as say 10 is good. I favour the number bleen, which in Afro-Sino-Mesoamerican cultures, represents, of course, the number that is blue.
I vote that we
all change to hexadecimal. I like letters.
Why Stop At Sixteen?
Let's use base 36! It would use the entire Latin alphabet, and would have many opf the advantages of base 12 (ie lots of easy to use fractions). And numbers would be shorter to write down, so we would save on ink and paper.
The real reason...
The best bit about base 36 is that I would be 11 again... although, being 25 in hex sounds quite promising too.
Base 60
For superhumans, Heinlein ("Gulf") suggested that base 60 would be suitable. With the 60 digits also doing duty to represent the 60 phonemes of a new language, there would be 216,000 words of just three letters, most of them monosyllabic. With the speed of speech and thought this would make available, effective lifespan would be extended by many times.
All your base..
That sounds exciting - it would certainly make life easier for rappers and poets..
TenTams
[Flerdle] 11 TimTams to a packet? The only packet I ever see has a hole in the cellophane and only 10 in it. BTW, The National TimTam vault is now replenished. They're back in the country.
[Raak] Are there 60 phonemes which the human voice can produce? I thought there were far fewer. (And I wrote a speech synth once, if that gives me any credibility, which I doubt!)
[Darren] Many more than that, if you add up the inventories of all human languages. Of course, you might have to be a superhuman to reliably distinguish them all. English has between 34 and 50, depending on how you count them.
Back to earth
[Raak] ...or in what base... ;)
I just came back from Tuscany today, a land where I was rained upon for about 45 minutes out of 2 weeks... to a land where it's been the wettest August since 1912, I heard. Ah, good old Blighty.
On another note, I see there are less games available now - is this an EU law, or a gesture against empathy?
grrrr....
[Tuj] I don't know that they are less, but there are certainly fewer of them :-)
Less fewers
Watty] I am a pedant myself, and it doesn't really bother me about less or fewer. Now I look at it, it's slightly ugly... but what makes me reach for the chainsaw is comma splicing (nnng!).
On a lighter note, why are there fewer? If people come up with more games, or ones with prizes / cash incentives, can there be more (or manyer?;) again?
Oh, and no I don't actually have a chainsaw.
[Tuj] How about a hedge trimmer?

What it comes down to is that "less" applies to continuous quantities, where "fewer" applies to discrete quantities. So you have less water but fewer glasses. "More" applies to both, just because English is such a wonderfully rich and evocative language (which is more agreeable than saying it is an inconsistent mongrel of a language).

Less bollocks - fewer bollocks
(Dunx) Dead right; you tell 'em. (the second phrase should be delivered in an aggressive N. Ireland accent). There are other pairs of words that have this distinction, eg "so much" and "so many". So much bollocks (speech by Blair), or so many bollocks (field full of bulls).
*sniggers and tries to imagine what Tuj would look like in motorbike leathers weilding a chainsaw, chased by a herd of curious and galloping bullocks. Struggles to picture Tuj at all, but the galloping bullocks are particularly vivid.*
*Enters arena wearing wet suit and bent tent pole chased by herd of curious and galloping Piskys*

Back from hols and I'm moist. "You'll love camping" I said to NotmrsBobthedog. "The weather is always good in Cornwall this time of year". As we dismantled the tent in a gale with rain heavier than I've ever ever seen it I reconsidered my enthusiasm for fresh air and natural elements.

Post script
Two days after we returned home I asked Notmrs if she'd like to go camping again next year. She said yes. We are planning to go to Scotland. I wonder if she is seeking revenge?
Sunken Kernow
Btd] You weren't near Boscastle at all, were you...?
Bosrubble
I was about 70 miles from Boscastle (near Lands End) on the day of the flood. Oddly enough that day we had very bright sunshine (the best we had for the whole fortnight). We spent the day on a beach. We have a friend in Sennen Cove who told us that during the day 30 cars and two houses had been washed away in Boscastle - but we didn't know whether to believe him due to the as the Cornish habit of telling tall stories - especially to gullible emmets like us. It was after that day that the weather got worse. It was not all bad but we has the tail end of three hurricanes and at least one gale. We didn't get much sleep.
Free Cornish pasty to whoever spots the superfluous "as the" in the above. Pasty may be slightly damp - no refunds or cash equivalent.
does anyone know " which band claims one of their dads was a pirate?" any help would be greatfully recieved
Bob the dog] Between "the" and "Cornish", in line 4. Do you want to give it to me in person or by post? ;)
pen] Ah yes, for I am a mysterious shady figure... (oh, and I don't have any motorbike leathers actually... there is a hedge trimmer in the shed somewhere though...)
grunt] Nope.
Bullocks] Aaaargh!
grunt
That'll be Frankie Poullain, bass player in The Darkness IIRC. A West Indian pirate, I believe
Can I just pop in briefly to say that comma splicing should be a crime punishable by death? Thank you.
thicko alert
[BM] What is 'comma splicing'? Perhaps I know it as something else. I probably do it all the time but need to know in case I'm about to be punished in a terminal sort of way.
Agreeing with Breadmaster
Comma splicing is the ULTIMATE SIN, whereby two sentences are mashed brutally together using a comma rather than a conjunction. It makes you look illiterate. It really gets on my nerves. For instance, if I'd replaced the full stop between 'illiterate' and 'it' with a comma, that'd be an example. One of the worst cases is the use of 'however' mid-sentence, which is nearly always wrong.
- however -
I do not enjoy the over use of acronyms, capital letters, smileys and most of all - jargon.
Tuj] I tried to write your address on the damp pasty but the pen sank into the waterlogged pastry. Fancy a damp steak and Bic doughy object instead?
Jargon is necessary to keep the riff-raff out. One thing that really gets my goat is getting the subjunctive wrong (eg. "if I was" instead of "if I were"). Midge Ure was particularly annoying in this respect.
[Darren] Midge Ure was just annoying, fullstop. Mawkish lyrics, play-by-numbers melodies and the most god-awful moustache that was ever grown.
[Btd] Sorry if my use of smileys is too familiar for your liking :o).
[Tuj] My business is sentence-mashing, however, I think I'm quite artful at it, I've been doing it for ten years. :oP
[penelope] Well, now you have yet another reason to dislike him.
8@()
Pen] Overuse of smileys ;o). I like the occasional :o) but too many leaves me :o(. In particular I dislike those gif file ones that are commonly used on chat sites. Yuk.
Darren] With your permission I will keep your quote "Jargon is necessary to keep the riff-raff out" in my little book of worldly advice to pass on to my offspring. It'll also come in handy at work - especially when addressing farmers.
Laffing with the Riff-raff :-)
[Darren] Your words did rather leap off the screen. I laughed and assumed you were in jocular mode. However, I must confess to being more intrigued by your pet goat, especially one that tell its subjunctive from its elbow. DO tell us more ...
The All-New Educated Riff-Raff
Btd] You have my address? I think I'll go hide somewhere before I decide whether to take up your offer...
pen] Aaargh! That's it! People do that and it's HORRIBLE!
back track
Midge Ure is annoying, period! As am I! Riff Raff makes a great alternative to Tinsle at Christmas.
MCiOS
Anyone know why MCiOS is unavailable?
No, since it's perfectly available right now from where I'm sitting.
[BtD] Permission granted. [Chalky] Yes, I was joking. My goat is got by many things.
is going on his, summer holidays
I'm off to Cyprus for a fortnight. Hopefully things won't go too pear-shaped while I'm away. Have fun, everybody.
I leave for a week....
*decides not to untangle the backlog and goes to bed*
Oh, I can't handle the backlog after just a couple of days. My computer has just dropped dead again, right in the middle of a long and exceptionally complicated operation involving emailing large numbers of people around the world and begging them to contribute to my book. Now I don't have access to the files where I was so carefully logging whom I had asked to do what. The net result will be, no doubt, that I will have 50 contributors all writing the same article. It could get messy. If you hear of theology gang warfare breaking out in the next couple of months, it's all the fault of my computer.
Get a life!
I must stop playing Kingdom of Loathing. I must stop playing Kingdom of Loathing. I must stop playing Kingdom of Loathing. . . . . .
[Boolbar] Was that another subtle advertisement for the game? It's nearly as addictive as Mornington Crescent, isn't it... ;-)
Boolbar, JLE] It is rather good, isn't it?!
backlog
ZooKeeper] I tend to find that if you have been away you might as well give up on reading what everyone has been writing, just scan up a few posts and join in. If anything strikes you as really interesting you can go back and trace it, however this has never happened yet. :¬]
It knids you in the podume. You lose 15LV.
[JLE, UK] Yes it is rather good. Trouble is as the game opens up, the amount of time you can spend on it increases. Now if only someone could write a combination of MC and KOL . . . .
They call it C-SPAN.
Oooooooooooooh
Thanks, rab, Nik, whoever. *sob* I've missed y'all.
It's back - hoorah!
*Lets off fireworks to celebrate reopening*
Well if this doesn't deserve a fresh cup of tea and a choc biscuit or two I don't know what does. Winning the Ryder Cup? Yeah!! make that choccie four biscuits.
yay!
That's better - all games have now been visited.
[Inks] Understatement of the year re: Ryder Cup "I think it's finally been recognised that the Europeans are no longer the underdogs" You gotta laugh :-)
celerations
*throws confetti and smashed champagne all over Mc5*. Anyone for an e-plig tonight? I want to celebrate my free broadband connection!! (but won't be home till about 21.30BST but will defiantly be there after that).
and...
If indeed we needed any additional cause for celebration - Hitch-Hikers 2 is on soon...
Bloing
*posts only to find out what time it is back at home*
Phew!
It's back, I can relax now.
[Bob the Dog] Have you dried off yet?
Boolbar] Yes - just enough to realise that I've missed your Birthday. Many Happy Returns of the day! *Wonders what are "returns of the day"?*
[BtD] I think it means "I hope the day of your birth returns happily year after year after year after yea ...." You get the picture?
[Boobah] *belated birthday hug*
[Chalky] Surely there's a bit of "hope you'll be there to see how said day returns year after year after ye...", too?
The return, people's birthdays, and joie de vivre
*does celebratory dance*
yay!
It's back, from Outer Space..
[Néa] That's it!
Not old
[BtD] Luckily I missed it too.
Not only is it back, but for some weird reason I no longer have to jump through hoops to get into the site. Is this permanent I ask myself?!
askance
Darren, why not ask us? We don't mind, really..
dialogue
.. and you never know - we might reply!
askanology
we might give the wrong answer - but that's the chance you take :o)
Dialogance
Darren] Do you literally mean 'jump through hoops', I ask myself... ;]
self help
[Tuj] Why not ask us? We can probably answer that one.
Is this "Females have all the answers day" ?
[Boolbar] Yes.
dialoganology
And lets face it; today is no different to any other
Fitzgerald
Do you have a right to sing the blues ?
mentary
Yes
OK, is it permanent? It's still working though. [Tuj] No, not literally. But having to use a different browser (in other words, the dreaded IE) to get to MC5 was annoying.
[Darren] Cor, lighten up... at least say yes! Or maybe you have jump over a desk or something...
[Tuj] You've clearly never seen my house. The prerequisite of jumping over furniture goes as read with anything I say.
sofa straddling
[Darren] ... and you never know where it might lead you ...
Chaise Longue Jump
*rofl*
Next thing you'll be telling me that bobsled champions start out by sliding down the stairs in an old sleeping-bag. Like I used to do.
[Darren] No, they use tea-trays.
[Darren] Ah, ya wuss ;) I used to do it without anything! Although I have to say sleeping bags do make it faster.
Er, tobogganning down the stairs, that is.
more chicks

*slight interuption*
As MC5 returns so does a little something else Celebrity Mornington Crescent with this Fridays results, the congratulations go to the girls on top Chalky at Nos1 and 2 assisted by snorgle at 3. Is this a conspiracy?
This week the long shot is Rebecca Loos. Listed on the daq she will be taking part in the Channel 5 celeb reality show The Farm. She will be joined by Paul Daniels, Debbie McGee, Vanilla Ice and several others to make nine contestants. Safe money would be on Elton John after his 'pig' outburst, but will his shares flatline when they reach £4.12.
*end ineruption*

innocent
I just bought some royal or other..
collude? who ... us?
Both of Me bought some royal or other .. and furthermore - we bought some more with our divis.
Feeling sorry for myself
I've lost my purse. I feel a fool. That'll teach me to leave the house when I'm hungover.... *wimper*
Curses
You'll feel even more so when you get around to the rigmarole of replacing licences, cards and the like, Lib. Bad luck, I sympathise.
Clever clogs
My good wife purchased some shoes - sandal style - some year or so ago. They were a bit tight so she wore them around the house for a day and put them away. Today she decided to become adventurous and wore them for a trip to one of the local shopping centres which involved walking around for about one (1) hour. These are the shoes. If you didn't laugh you would cry.
ah yes.
Apparently polyurethane soles have a habit of disintegrating if not worn, especially if they're stored in warm or somewhat moist conditions (eg most of Australia is one or the other). I'm not sure if it's just outer p-u or if it's the foamy matrix that's often within the sole for cushioning. My Dad used to get new shoes through work each year but often didn't wear the new pair for a while, and after a year or two of storage they would self-destruct exactly like that. Cold comfort, I know.
More disasters
Thanks for the sympathy. I've lost my wallet before so I try not to carry much stuff. Have found out that someone tried to use my credit card but failed just after the time I must have lost it. Humph.
And today's disaster is that my heating and hot water aren't working. Woke up to a cold shower. What a good start to the week. Am trying not to dwell on that fact that disasters normally come in threes.....
I have no electricity today for some unexplained reason. However, I've given up carrying a wallet since the last time I lost it, so there's still hope.
[Lib] you poor thing. Here, have an aspririn.
And a propos nuffink, just spotted this on the message board of the website of the local paper I used to work on... it drew such a vivid picture for me and I just had to share:
"on sat 12 july in skegness at the beach nite club met stunningly attractive female from louth but u had to go to get back on a minibus. i was the man shooting u with water pistol. we kissed then u left please get in touch". Awwww
Threeness
On return from the US I discovered that my CD player has developed rheumatism, the broadband router had died and the office desktop PC had lost its will to talk to the network. So it seems indeed that these things come in threes.

Nothing too serious though - the CD player seems to be healing itself, the router sprang back into life when I plugged it into a different socket (though the fact that the original socket has proven itself since fully functioning is somewhat mysterious) and the IT support had some stern words with my desktop until it started behaving itself.

I blame heavy electricity; or, if wet, GM crops.

[Lib] eeeek! [pen] That is SO cute.
electric socks game
I went to the Tate on Sunday and there was a painting by Peter Blake called "Self-Portrait With Badges". My mum turned to me and said "I knew I should have worn my glasses; I have just been looking at that and thinking 'I can't see any badgers'."
hahaha!
[std] That's much better than your other joke.. :)
Thanks again for being so nice. Have cash from trip to bank. Have attempted to fix central heating (nice plumber told me how) but its not playing. Oh well, cold showers are good for the soul, so I'm told.
[pen] That's quite desperate of the bloke/boy. She must of made quite an impression. Maybe it was the wet tee-shirt!
the things mums say
I thought I would share with you something my mum said that had us all in stitches. She went with my dad who is now 72 to get him some new glasses. He had the tests and all that and mom chose some new frames for him. He nearly had a fit at the price but mum told him not to be such an old miser and things are expensive these days. Dad moaned a bit, but capitulated and bought them. My mum relayed this story to my sister and told her the price. Even my sister was taken aback at the expense and said to mum "Mum, are you sure they are not designer frames or something?" Mum looked puzzled and replied "No they weren't designer frames, they were called Arniemarni or something" She is priceless.
Beware Greeks
(With apologies for the cross-post and rather late announcement)

I have 3 spare tickets (stalls) for the matinee performance of Berlioz's "The Trojans" by the English National Opera tomorrow (Wed 29th Sep @ 5pm). I was wondering if anyone was able to join me for this - one of only 5 performances of a show which has apparently won the 2004 Olivier award for Best New Operatic Performance. Details of the show can be found at www.eno.org

If anyone is interested please contact me on oneiros_sama[at]hotmail[dot]com. First come, first served.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled chat game.

breaking the silence
Well... quiet in here, innit?
Yes it is!
I'm hoping to get hot water tonight. The plumber is coming! Headlight also went on car (completing my triplet of disaster) but the very dishy student doctor fixed it for me. Bless!
Gosh, Lib, it's an absolute litany of disaster (I wonder, incidentally, why "litany" always has negative connotations these days - a litany of disaster, a litany of crimes, etc). I have a colleague whose bathroom fell into the flat beneath some time ago and for months she had to come to work early to have a shower there. So it could be worse...
wet and warm
*dances around crescent naked having just got out of shower*. I like hot water!
warm and erm..
Towel?
Gerrof!
I'm enjoying this.
fully clothed today
*waves at the boys*
Spoilsport
*sulks*
Brollies Inc
It's raining! Today is Friday. On Wednesday we had 12mm of rain. Thursday we had about the same and today we've had 25mm or a bit more since this morning (it's about 1420K as I type. Lovely steady rain as opposed to torrential downpours. Ya-friggin'-hoo.
P'raps you could this ) back for me if you'd be so kind. . . Ta.
sunny
with some cloud. but still nice! except I have a cold. bleah.
Boring grey weather. Bring back the rain! It was nice and melancholy the other day. Very atmospheric.
Many different shades of grey type weather with optional wet bits. Lovely.
Weather
(BM) Atmospheric weather, eh? You're getting there. Sorry to jump on you like this. :-)
Boring
Sorry about the hurrah over the weather, but it's been a bit dry here.
I suspect that I may have an ally here in Breadmaster as in my part of the world today is the BIG day as far as a sport called rugby league is concerned. Heaven only knows how many trees have been sacrificed in the lead up to this world event and yet, as if that were not enough, a number of radio stations and at least one television broadcaster are commencing their so-called coverage of this pivotal point of history at noon. The game itself starts at 19 o'clock.
Does this sort of thing happen in the U.K. or the U.S.of A. or, for that matter, Canada?
sports coverage
I remember when I was a child, they used to run incessant football (american) coverage around Christmas and New Year's! I think it was the Rose Bowl - horribly boring.
Bori...zzzzzz
[Dujon] Hard to say, since one would have to experience both to compare. However, I think I'm right in saying that inter-club tournaments can easily be avoided in the UK (in a way that international ones cannot). That is, you can't get away from the football World Cup, but it's easy never to hear anything of the Premiership. I knew nothing of it before working at Sky and was, moreover, compeletely unaware of the existence of similar leagues and suchlike in rugby (or in cricket, come to that). Whereas I don't think I ever saw a newspaper in New Zealand, local or national, that didn't have rugby on the front page.
backstage gossip
(Apologies for cross posting) In case you didn't receive the last email we sent out, we'd like to let you know that there are still 289 tickets left for sale for the recording of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" at the New Theatre in Hull on Saturday 23rd October.
If these tickets have not sold by next Wednesday (6th October) we will advertise them formally.
So, if you'd like to buy tickets for this show, then try to do so by next Wednesday. The ticket prices are £10, £8.50 and £6.50. The show starts at 7.30pm (Doors open 7pm). The box office is open from Monday to Saturday from 10am to 5pm. The box office number is 01482 226655.
Also, in a previous email, we advertised Linda Smith's one-woman show at the Playhouse Theatre in Weston-Super-Mare on Thursday 7th October. Due to illness, Linda has regretfully had to cancel the performance. If you bought tickets, we suggest to telephone the box office on 01934 645544.
Have the Converƒation ƒtoppers ƒinally ƒtopped?
Conversation ftoppers
(Raak) No great loss if it has. Ye kindeft thing you can say about that game was that it didn't show certain people at ye beft.
"Criminal damage, I tell you!"
In the course of my work this morning, I went to inspect an empty Council property, to which we had attached metal screens over the doors and windows for security. As I was about to unlock the screen over the front door, I looked up and saw, scrawled in black permanent marker:

MC
CHALKY
04

Any explanations, Ms Davenport...?
KD was here
Eeek! I've been rumbled.
*rofl*
Two Wheelers
*Cross-Posting Alert*
ATTENTION MOTORBIKE/SCOOTER RIDERS
We, the research consultancy I work for, are looking for new bikers [commuters or enthusiasts] to participate in focus groups around the UK. We have sorted Birmingham, but still have a few vacancies for London Groups [12/13 Oct], Newcastle [19/20 Oct], Bristol [28/29 Oct] and Manchester [2/3 November]. All evenings. Fee of £30 paid for about an hour and a half. If you or any of your mates are interested please email me kedavenport at the hotmail address, but need to warn you that I'm on holiday for a week beginning 11th Oct.
McGreetings
Managed to slap down a holding deposit on a nice flat convenient for my new place of work this morning... At least I think it's nice: certainly seemed very pleasant and spacious as I was walking around it, though I couldn't remember if it has a washing machine (the agent assures me it does). Then again - I couldn't remember if it has a sink either (but I didn't ask the agent that). So, once I've bribed my current landlord into writing me a good reference, I should be sorted. Moving up at the end of the month.. oh what fun (not).
Bikers
(Chalky) Do I take it that you are no longer engaged in elegant scribal activity?
Geordie joke
I saw this in the letters page of the Grauniad a few days ago. A woman walks into a hairdresser's in Ashington, Northumberland, and says, "I'd like a perm". The hairdresser replies, "Ah wandered luuurnly as a cloud. That's Wordsworth, y'knaa".
C V
[Rosie] Indeed I am - still calligraphing and chalk-scribing and the occasional line drawing. However, I now do lots of freelance work for a research consultancy so find myself embroiled in activity mainly connected with Exhibitions & Shows. September was Computer Games, then the Printing Industry, plus a bit of Royal Agricultural Society work. This month is Motorcycles & Scooters, then Paris [holiday] and then ... Recycling Waste Management. I can hardly wait.
C V
[Chalky] You had dealings with the RASE? You poor bugger.
Unusual tenants
[Rab]'Has it got a sink?' would be a fairly normal question in my experience as a landlady - my new tenants have just written to ask me what the rules are on hanging picture frames and pets in the house. They seemed like such a lovely couple, but the latter request is really against my principles and sounds as though it could get messy.
rab's whereabouts
[rab] good news about the gaff. Are you still in Embra or have you returned to Mancland?
pets
At least they're asking - unless it's because their cat has just had kittens and they want to keep them all.. ;)
[Ella] I'd get the RSPCA onto them if they're hanging pets on the walls.
geordie hairdresser, continued.
.....so the woman says "You don't understand, I want my hair curled." So the hairdressed puts her head in his fridge.

A scottish man walks into a baker's shop and asks "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?" The baker replies: "Naw, yer right enough, it's a doughnut".

Animal Cruelty
[Dunx] That was my concern! Obviously I need to learn how to express myself more clearly through the medium of the written word or alternatively improve my sense of humour!
[Ella] ... or I need to read posts properly before I write. I hadn't woken up yet and just didn't notice your very well-expressed joke.
Sleepyhead
I'm back in Manc now, having caught up with my new (and, yet, somehow, old) colleagues last night at the annual poster session (which essentially is a front for a booze-up). [Ella] I'll check about the sink - welcome by the way.
Thank you
[Dunx] I can sympathise! It usually takes me a good few hours before I remember who I am in the morning let alone how to read and write. [Rab] Thank you for this fantastic site. I happened on it whilst searching the web for bedroom furniture (?!) and as you may tell, am now completely hooked. I do feel as though I've gate crashed a party full of old friends though - hope you don't mind!
welcome!
[Ella]My apologies for being thick about your post.. and I'm not that old!
*waving*
Hello Ella, welcome! Hope soon you'll feel part of the party!
Mornings
(Ella) I know what you mean about mornings. Being retired, I have decided to do away with them entirely, but it only postpones the befuddlement. Welcome to the asylum, which is of course run by the inmates. BTW I'm a bloke.
bedroom furniture???
[Ella] Welcome.
[Ella] All old friends were once new friends. Welcome. BTW I'm a spiny anteater from New Guinea.
[Ella] Welcome and .... oops! quick got to go line manager on the loose.
Welcome Ella
Searching for bedroom furniture . . . it makes a change from "Jade Goody Nude".
Hello Ella
No, if she'd wanted Jade Goody Nude she'd have ended up at MC in Outer Space. MC5 is a decent site with none of that filth, despite our best efforts. (Note for the uninitiated: a look at the "Google hits" info on the MCIOS screen reveals a distressing number of people who not only search for Ms Goody as God made her but thereby find their way onto the MCIOS page. No-one knows why.)
Jade Goody Nude
Yes, I don't know why Dan doesn't just rename the site.
jade goody nude
Breadmaster] Imagine my surprise when I did a google search on "jade goody nude" and searched through for MCiOS, and LO AND BEHOLD, I found that IT WAS YOU that was linked to.......
kafkaesque zebrafish
thanks to all of you for making me spend teh last 30 minutes trying to find a GOOGLEWHACK. But hey - I suceeded !. Never again.
Whacky
[st d] You recall this of course?
[Ella] Will you be frequenting the other MC sites too?
[St D] Splendid! I knew my crusade (consisting solely of repeating the phrase JADE GOODY NUDE as much as possible) would bear fruit...
[Bm] Do you do it in real life too, then?
[All] Thank you for a very warm welcome! [Darren] I've just spent some considerable time following the links to some of the other sites. Consequently, I've cancelled all appointments I had made with the outside world for the next year in order to give myself at least a slight chance of keeping up with all of the MC banter and games available. Who needs a family/job/friends anyway?
*ding dong* Paging Chalky
[Chalky] Did you get the mail I sent you (to both addresses) last night?
*ping*
[rab] YES! *OOPS - TURNS OFf caps lock*
Was 'called out on business' straight from the office which is euphemistically known as 'went to the pub', then crashed [out, not into]. Thanks. Good stuff - am following it up as I type - hence the caps lock. I'm gibbering now. My brain is full up.
[Darren] Naturally. This is one reason why, like Ella, I have no family/job/friends either.
[rab] No birthday cake this year? Oh well, have a good one anyway.
Cake
[Lib] I'm saving myself up for a big plate of curry tonight...
currying favour
[rab] many happy repeats!
Is it just me or is there a bowl of soup on the front page?
Only joshing
I think it's a Rogan Josh.
Double take
BtD] You know, I thought it was just me...
Well, if you want to drink soup from a metal dish, I guess it's a free country. *is waiting for the girls to get ready, and wondering if we'll make it to the pub on time...*
mmmmm...
curry!
[rab] Happy bday and enjoy your curry!

I had a very nice curry on Friday night, although that was mainyl to avoid cooking after a grisly day.

Opens doors and activates fan
Through the eye of a needle...
I had a korma on Friday night, and spent most of the next 24 hours on the pan with minor food poisoning... Hope yours was better, rab!
Handily
It was a very lovely Lamb Handi, thanks, preceded by some lovely veggie samosas and accompanied by a couple of drinks.
currylicious
Make your own curries and then you don't have to worry about food poisoning! I made one tonight with onion, garlic, LOADS of butter, garam masala, chili powder, chick peas, potato and a bunch of fresh baby spinach leaves. Damn fine.
Lamb Handi
Sounds like the RSPCA need to be told . . . .
And I hope you washed your Handi afterwards.
radiooooooo
I finished my first radio show! It went quite well although we started off with major technical problems (we'd burned our playlist onto a CDr which the station's stereo refused to read) - luckily I'd brought all the original CDs to the studio in case of such an emergency so it all worked out! My co-host tried to ridicule me on some of my choice of songs but I was having none of it. You can't faze me! And I ain't stopping there! It's so exciting! I'm so glad I got the chance - it's hysterical when it goes wrong but it's so much fun! And I got most of it on tape too! *dances*
Congratulations!
What radio station are you broadcasting on?
Hey! I used to have a radio show. I didn't need a co-host to ridicule my choice of music, though, as I could manage that by myself.
playlist
ZK] so tell us what it was then, so we can ridicule it too, or perhaps join in in being ridiculed by suggesting some others your co-host might liek to laugh at. And what did s/he choose ?
Server move
Well, apart from the odd hiccup, that went pretty well. If you can see this, your DNS has propogated. Welcome to MC5's new home.
Our playlist was as follows: Footloose, by Kenny Loggins, Johnny B Goode, by Chuck Berry, Stuck In The Middle With You by Stealer's Wheel, House of Fun by Madness, Waterloo Sunset by The Kinks, Frontin' by Jamie Cullum, Havin' A Party by The Osmonds, Dancing In The Street by Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, I Quit by Hepburn, then some other stuff which went out the window because we ran out of time due to the tech failure at the beginning of the show, so we just stuck on Bohemian Rhapsody instead.
[Breadmaster] An interesting thought...I may be able to quietly bury her under a patio somewhere and do the job on my own :)
Good lord - I've actually heard of two of those. You can't be very mainstream. Now, tell us what channel you're on (or whatever the radio term is - I don't know - I don't understand radio!) and we can adjudge for ourselves!
[Nik] Congratulations. Is this the tiny new low power server box, or something else?
The tiny 'new' low power server box, yes.
[Nik] I see a yes, and my cursor turns into a ? when over it, but should something else happen? (MacOS X, Safari.)
[Nik] Ah, I see the popup now, Safari waits a whole second before showing it.
Poppers
[Raak] And disappears a whole second before you've had time to read it. Anyway, jolly good, ho. Not been able to post from work as the DNS hasn't had time to propagate from Withington to Chorlton-On-Medlock, clearly. You'd've thought that if a Magic Bus could do it, the newfangled Interwebnet could...

[ZK] Not a shockingly bad playlist, but, given that (I believe) you're a shade younger than I, shouldn't you be knocking out some more banging tunes than I did when spinning the wheels of steel plastic in 1995?

radio ga ga
We asked for a specialist show rather than a mainstream one so we could play absolutely anything, otherwise we'd have had to have stuck with Burn's playlist (which, quite frankly, isn't very big) - the show's called the Nostalgia Hour (well, it has our names in front of that) and we can play absolutely anything from 1950 through to 2004. As long as we like it (or one of us likes it) we can play it. Unfortunately, we're on at 10 in the evening once a week and our broadcasting power is about 3 feet, but I told all my friends to listen on the internet so the only problem they have is when that crashes. The frequency is 107.3 FM which I think works on the radio just outside the studio and not in many other places. If you absolutely want to listen to me make an ass of myself go to www.burnfm.com. We had more modern songs on the playlist originally but ran out of time so we ended up with Frontin (2004) and I Quit (1999). The Guild has more than enough people playing predominantly banging tunes already, and they get put on during the day when people are actually listening to them, so I reserve my right to act like I'm radio 2.
Ooh, that went on a bit..
I did a very silly thing yesterday....
....got locked out of my house. Pulled the door shut and thought 'Arse'. And if I did leave and keys with a neighbour then the one I'd chose is away this weekend. Tried the credit card thing and other silly ideas (like putting my hand through the letter box), but Mr Locksmith fixed it in the end. I felt very silly!

[ZK] Good playlist! Good luck with your next show. Which night do you broadcast?

And what's wrong with pre-1950? Play some Louis Jordan, and let those hep cats pick up on what you're layin' down, put on their zoot suits, and have a natural jivin' ball! Preach!
[Lib] Wednesdays.
[Breadmaster] Nothing, but I didn't think I'd be able to persuade my co-presenter to play back that far. I'm hoping to sneak a few in every now and then without telling her.
Jiving
(Breadmaster) Not a lot of jiving pre-1950. It all started when Rock Around the Clock came to the local fleapit about 1954. Even I was a bit young for it, being about 11 and still into locospotting.
Eh?
You mean people didn't 'jive' to Pennsylvania 6-5000? Mind you I thought that this was all about a steam engine when I was younger (I finally realized that a 6-5-0-0-0 was an odd configuration).
[Rosie] Ah, you just have a listen to Louis Jordan's Saturday Night Fish Fry and then tell me it all started with Mr Haley...
Jiving, and all that good stuff
(Duj, BM) You're probably right, actually. When you're only 11 everything is new. Rock Around the Clock brought it much more into public notice, probably. (Duj) I've always thought Pennsylvania 6-5000 was a telephone number. My Big Band usually play it on gigs because it goes down well with the oldies, i.e. people of my age or even older. (BM) A friend of mine, who plays tenor sax in another Big Band I play in, runs a Jump Jive band called One Jump Ahead. They do a lot of Louis Jordan numbers and I've heard them several times. They also do a British version of Route 66 - "get your fun on the A21". Good stuff.
locked out and locked up
[lib] My good friend got so drunk on his 21st birthday that he lost his house keys, had to break a window to get inside at 2am. Shortly after he was arrested by the police when his neighbours called in a report of a stranger in their spare bedroom. They were quite religious people and were not impressed with the conition of the bedsheets either.
tonite
Just to say I won't be about tonight at the e-pilg, I'm on a date... :o)
wahey!
[pen] oooooooh!
Jive Talkin
[Rosie] Pennsylvania 6-5000 was and is a phone number. Specifically, the phone number of the front desk of the Hotel Pennsylvania situated in picturesque Manhattan, on Seventh Avenue opposite Madison Square Garden. Which is round in point of fact.
phone numbers
I'm glad it is! I thought I was going barmy.
Indeed
Fair suck of the sav! I did say 'when I was younger'. To be honest while I knew it was a 'phone number in the song I did not realize that it's a real one.
Phone numbers
(Stevie) Not in Pennsylvania, then? Mmm, have to think about that. Internal telephone exchange, perhaps? :-)
ring this number...
There's also a Ry Cooder song with a phone number in it - 6345 789 or something. Has anyone ever tried calling that one?
Ring my bee-ell (ding dang dong)
[pen] Never mind about that - how did it go?
last night, she said...
[rab] Really, really well. Might be meeting up tonight too - he's just trying to cancel something else... tee hee!!
What! Two nights in a row! Sounds serious. You're evidently not a Rules girl, and a good thing too.
We meet every night at eight...
[Bm] It's either tonight or in a week's time, and as I might be less enchanted at the end of seven days, it's as well that he moves his diary around to accomodate me, heheheh. I've been told that if he makes me his famous bruschetta, I'll want to move in. Frankly, the SW1 postcode would be enough, but I'll go over for the tomatoes-on-toast anyway.
6-5000
[Rosie] Back in the Olde Dayes™ the phone exchanges in NYC were named, like those in London. One would dial two "letters" of the exchange name (in this case PE I believe though I haven't checked) then the digits 6-5000 giving the familiar (to a New Yorker) seven digit numbers. These days you have to dial four more digits because there are two area codes in Manhattan, the original "212" and a new one which we all think is "646", though no-one important would accept such a new-fangled invention and therefore anyone in a "646" area code is by definition not worth calling (pshaw). In point of fact, the Hotel Pennsylvania lost the 6-5000 number and only re-acquired it a few years ago amidst great media hoopla.
Four shall be the count
[Rosie] I forgot to add the startlingly uninteresting fact that all phone numbers must be preceeded by dialing a "1" when an area code is required in the USA. Which it always is when dialing anywhere in the five bouroughs of NYC. Even if you are in that area code when you dial. If you don't dial the "1", a recorded voice tells you to hang up and redial with the "1". This system was adopted at great expense for subscriber dialling convenience.
Waking up
[pen] You go girl. Sounds very exciting. Good luck!
Telephone Exchanges
(Stevie) The names of London telephone exchanges used to be quite original, but have ceased to exist as such for about 40 yrs. Off the top of my head I can think of Waxlow, Pollards, Livingstone, Renown, Tudor, Museum, Bluebell, Vigilant, Speedwell. There are loads more in this vein that give you no idea of where they are. You don't need an area code to dial in London, but two four-figure numbers. There used to be a laundry near where I live whose number was Upper Warlingham 27. If it existed now it would be 01883 620027, not a London number, obviously. How boring it all is!
Tittle tattle
Bring back the party line I sez.
countdown
In twenty minute's time, it'll be a week since the last post in the Electric Sock game. Any suggestions for replacements?
Do-do do-do doodlioo-doo. Boooo!
Well I was thinking things have got a little dusty recently, and looking through the MCiOS archives I note we haven't had a letter-writing game for a while. Not of the Mrs Trellis sort, but one where each player writes an entire letter. Examples of this genre include Letters to the editor and Wish you were here?. Of course, I'm always more in favour of things that haven't been tried before. At least, that's what I told the volleyball team last night.
slottage
I quite fancy a team game [the last one was in MCiOS earlier in the year] 'cause they invariably draw the regular contributers/lurkers out of the woodwork.
'Specially if we can have team colours !
[rab] Is it possible to use color in the Name box? I've just tried it using my usual sticky-back-plastic-html methodology but nothing happened ...
ooh
That sounds interesting! What did you have in mind?
they let WHO on the radio?
For anyone planning to listen tonight, be warned. Apparently they decided last week we were very responsible so we don't need a committee member to look after us...or, in fact, anyone else in the studio. Now, I take this as a great compliment and also as a sign that we are going to die tonight, seeing as how it means no technical help if we arse up! And we picked the playlist yesterday night. Should be an experiment in thinking on our feet...
Teeming
[Chalky] Nope.
Or, to be more substantive, any HTML in the 'Name' box is stripped to avoid forking up the front page.
NOT IN COLOUR!
[rab] Natch. I see the Apropos Box has also been stripped unless I'm missing a trick there aswell :-)
How about a game of tag-wrestling? Not seen that in a while.
[Chalky] Also true - but that's given me an idea... howsabout I set it up so that if you type 'Red', 'Blue', 'Hampster', 'PeachPuff' or whatever into the 'apropos' box, that word is then colourised, so it would look like:

    rab - Red
    Maida Vale
That'd be fairly easy to do without requiring too much cluttering up of the interface. Would take me about half-an-hour or so tonight to do.

[Projoy] I never understood what Tag Wrestling is all about - can you explain to me please.

Guten Tag!
You have two teams. The object is to tell a story collaboratively, alternating between teams. Each team has a closing phrase with which they must end the story in order to win the game (e.g. "and then they all moved to Mexico because of the cheap tagliatelle."), but obviously the story must steer naturally to that closing phrase, so it becomes a literary tug of war. It might be especially interesting to try it in rhyming verse, come to think of it.
Here is an example from the Yorkives. Other than an outing on Orange last year(?), I don't think we've played this game "straight" for many years.
Sounds good - would rather do it straight than get versical.
tagging along
So everyone, regardless of team colour, tells the same story but each team has its own 'finishing post'; the teams move in strict rotation [?]; perhaps limited words per entry to curtail the more verbose amongst us?
Phone Boorishness
[Rosie] :o) When AT&T was forced to share its lines with MCI and Sprint, there had to be some way of figuring out the tarrifs. MCI and Sprint addressed this in 1984/5 by issuing cards to subscribers with a convenient account number and pin that had to be prepended to the number you were calling. Titus A. Crab, one of my highly-paid consultant co-workers (same contract as me so I know), fell for the spiel and I had the great joy for about two months of watching him dial England from New York. The account numbers were 10/12 numbers long. The PIN was another 4. Then there was the 5 digit 01144 to get the transatlantic cable link. Then the brand new four digit area code. Then the (even newer) six digit phone number (and we all forgot to add the leading zero at least once). Titus would invariably suffer from mis-directed digit syndrom 15-20 numbers in and have to start over. Word would get around he was phoning and everyone in the vicinity would begin loud conversations involving numbers in order to precipitate more of these humorous mistakes. On a good day it could take him 30 minutes or more to establish that all the lines to England were busy.

All this so he could save a few cents on his calls. >:o)
Taggin'
So one team might have the line about tagliatelle, and keep steering the story towards Mexico, whilst the other team might be trying to steer it back to fit their closing line, which is about the Emperor Hirohito? Could be interesting...
I'd love a team game, but they generally do work better on MCiOS because of the colourised names.
Another game suggestion
OK, a third idea: Cat Chess. This charming feline pastime is actually quite a tactical game. Each player plays one cat, usually in a village setting. The object is to move to a point where you can see all the other cat-players and none of them can see you.
Ah! Now that sounds interesting. Do any archived examples exist?
Tagging along
Why not both? Considering this server is streamlined down to 10 games (ft. this one, and the Furcation Game, which no-one seems interested *cue mournful violin: give money now!*), could we not petition to expand? I often think a couple more would widen the appeal to more players, resulting in burgeoning popularity, and, of course, votes in key areas.
And yes, I've realised I'm waffling, but at least I'm stopping now. Let's tag!
Cat Chess
[BM] Er, not as yet...
*votes for tagging wotsit*
Tag
Can whoever sets this up also start with some sample code for the colours? That way the team members will look alike and those of us with rudimentary HTML skills will be able to join in without ruining the game's patina.
Ragbag
If you'll give me about 10-15 minutes to check my upgrades and put them online, you won't have to learn any HTML at all!
Right!
Well, that seems to work. There's now a new style of game, called the 'Team' game which eschews Apropos for a Team colour. Enter a colour in the box and hey presto - it might be recognised. I suggest we give it a whirl in the 'Team Talk' game to see how it works, and then when we're bored kill that and play a team game proper.
BURN FM
Oh dear. I read out the studio e-mail tonight and my co-presenter suggested it was a sexy phone voice. I then put on a different one and proceeded to suggest that that one might work better. I then spent the rest of the show taking e-mails from my flatmates demanding I read out sentences of a dubious nature in said voice...which I did, of course, after making them promise to pledge money to charity.

Apparently we're meant to play music on the show at one point or another...
Titus A. Crab
(Stevie) The things people will do to save a few pence or cents (or pents or cence) never cease to amaze me. They put a very low price on their time and temper, obviously. What was his real name, BTW?
Radio
[ZK] Aha, so you're either Lottie or Laura, then. I see your show is classified as "specialist", which sounds about right from your descriptions...
ZK's radio voice
I'm clearly at the wrong university. where are you?
and I'm back in case noone noticed/cared. check orange for more.
Names
[Rosie] Real name???? Are there those among us who espouse the use of pseudonyms then? Titus certainly made his Mark though.
[nights] Well, I noticed. Nice to see you back.
[Breadmaster] thank you. really, you've made me grin in a public place on a wet and dreary evening in darkest somerset.
[Breadmaster] I am indeed. And it was the only way we could get a show where we could play what we wanted (asking for a specialist show, not doing a silly voice). It also meant they stuck us on at 10pm, but there are advantages to that. Like being able to run over 20 minutes because you feel like it and you're the last show on :) I listened to the tape of the show with my flatmates when I got home - ah, how we laughed :) I apparently took them by surprise...and there was a very silly message for me in the fridge magnets this morning.

[nights] Your return is welcomed and makes me finally beg the question I've been longing to ask: why are you called nights?
I'm in Birmingham (hence BURN FM: Birmingham University Radio Network) - and I feel for you. We had our 2 weeks summer holiday last year in Somerset during a massive heatwave...well, it was a heatwave everywhere else except in Somerset, where it pissed it down for 2 solid weeks ...so I know the feeling. *sends sympathy vibes to nights*
[nights] Now, let's not talk about that particular wet and dreary evening in Zummerzet - at least not in public...
[ZK] cheers. ah, birmingham. home of huge pigeons if I remember. Somerset is nice in the summer, but it's rubbish in the winter. So why am I here all winter but not in the summer? makes no sense. I asked about BURN because it's a popular shout around here. (person falls off something or something else bad happens:) "buuuurn." I don't understand it either.

and I'm called nights because a) when I chose it I was living mainly at night, and b) bernard seemed inappropriate. so thanks for your interest. I might have asked this already but what does ZK stand for?

[Breadmaster] come on, you're going to have to admit it sooner or later. Avon and Somerset's finest have already been at my little door...
winterland
[nights] Would you consider anywhere in the UK to be 'nice' in the winter?
I ask that because I'm a bit weird and I actually prefer autumn and winter, seasonal/scenery-wise.
btw - welcome back :-)
[Chalky] I'm weird in that way too - I think I have reverse SAD. However, let's not start the perennial "winter or summer?" debate. People have lost friends and indeed limbs over that one in the past.
Ta-ra!
Off to sunny Wales for a week - see you all later!
perennial?
You mean we only have the debate every other Winter?
Eh?
Perennial means every year.
er?
I rather thought it meant lasting throughout the year in a perpetual sort of way. Also, in a botanical sense - lasting more than two years. Not that it really matters :-)
Perennialitude (© G W Bush)
(Chalky) Yeah, it does really. But certainly not every other year.
[nights] Zooological Keeper, after a line from the Goon Show.
Zooologicality ((c))
ZK] Which one? You wouldn't make me go and listen to all of them just to find out, would you?
ZKism
oh yes I remember now. all I need to know now is - does BURN stream online? I'll have to have a listen.
[Projoy] You're thinking of biannual, surely? I must admit to not being entirely sure of the meaning of "perennial", now I come to think of it. It's one of those words that one uses without really thinking about it. I think it means persisting from year to year, or possibly appearing at least once a year. Perhaps.
Biennial = every two years, bi-annual = twice a year. According to my mother who is a gardener and deals with these terms regularly.
[BM] I've already explained the meaning of perennial - back up there ^ ^ ^ ^
oooh - that looks a bit schoolmarmish. Sorry. Anyway, to get away from the semantics, I'd like to announce that for a change I stayed in tonight and watched loads of crap TV and REALLY enjoyed it.
[nights] I haven't recommended it any other way. My flatmates were listening about a mile down the road and had to hold onto the aerial to get a decent signal. If you go to www.burnfm.com you should get automatically redirected to whatever the real URL is, given a few seconds. I warn in advance that the show is mostly total gubbins, but we do have fun. If I knew how to get the sound onto a form of software I'd put some soundbites on here, but sadly I only have it on tape and don't own a minidisc player or anything similarly hi-tech. I played The Voice at a house party tonight and apparently I could make a fair amount of money that way. Speaking of which, does anyone know how a 19-year-old with no skills or previous experience can get a job that doesn't involve doing the unspeakable?! No-one wants to hire me!
paying attention
[Tuj] "Ah, good morning, Zooological Keeper!"

Inspired, eh?
ooh yes
And I believe it's from an episode called "Insurance - the White Man's burden"
randomly
What is the correct spelling of Hamster? I always thought that was it until I nipped into Mcios, and now I'm not sure.
spelling bee
[ZK] As it happens, both spellings are acceptable :-)
As for the employment - are you seeking permanent full-time or temporary full-time or perhaps part-time, or just holiday work or support-yourself-through-your-studies work; days, evenings, nights, weekends or all four? C'mon gal, we need details!
"Hamster" is the correct spelling for the animal, yes. "Hampster" is a misspelling that caught on rather well and is therefore the de facto standard here ;-)
tsk!
[JLE] I refer you to my previous reply. BOTH are acceptable. Curiously enough, there IS life outside the Morniverse.
... speaking of which, another branch of my family are doing the Sunday lunch thing at their house today so I don't have to cook. Whoopee!

And ... bye bye you lovely people ... I shan't be around for quite a long time but hope to have lots of news when I get back :-)

Puzzled from London
But if "Zooological Keeper" is from a radio programme, why the extra "o"? This story doesn't add up, inspector. As for jobs, assuming this is something part-time now, I think it makes sense to think about what you want to do later in life and try to work towards it. However, I am the last person anyone should seek career advice from.

Come back soon, Chalky!
Chalk face
[Chalky] Where'reyou offto?

Should also point out that I'll be in an Manchester-Edinburgh limbo for the next week, and net access may be rather more patchy as I haven't got round even to arranging old-fashioned telephone communications technology at the new abode yet.

perennial
Ah, just shows how much I know about horticulture. [Chalky] Also curious about what takes you away.
[Chalky] Part-time work to fit in around studies and volunteering (which I cleverly picked for 10.30am-1pm on an otherwise free saturday...what a silly cow!!!)
[Breadmaster] I spelt it as I heard it, which seemed to be Zoo-ological, but I couldn't be bothered to put a dash in. I thought 3 os looked better...And I haven't the faintest idea what I want to do later in life. But I know it doesn't involve picking up glasses after boozy students.
Ahhh... Well, it is actually spelled with two Os, even though there are two syllables there. Perhaps it should be spelled "zoölogical", although that would look a bit silly. But of course, since it's your name - kind of - it's up to you how to spell it.
Sorry, I feel a rant coming on.
Last week (Saturday night to Saturday morning) I was on a week of nights. This involves me working seven 13 hour shifts in a row, thats a working week of 91 hours. In my penultimate hour I was taking blood from a IV drug abuser, I take blood every day and an IV drug abuser is nothing special. Anyway, the needle slipped after coming out of her and ended scratching my skin and it drew blood. I washed it under the tap and told the necessary people and booked in as a patient to my own A and E department.
Then the faffing began. Nobody knew what to do, and the right policy couldn't be found. I was finding it all a bit much (partly because I was feeling such a spanner and partly because I was so TIRED) so hid myself away in the staff room and cried. My consultant arrived and she took control. All I wanted to do was go home and go to bed, however they didn't seem to understand that all I wanted to do was sleep or let me leave ( it was deemed that I wasn't safe to drive, due to all the tears and I live half an hour away from the hospital) so I was sent to a colleagues house to wait.
The drug user’s blood was sent to Manchester for emergency tests and special strings were pulled so the tests only took two hours. Finally the phone call came through and all her tests were negative (for scary things like HIV, Hepatitis B and C), so I was finally allowed to go home 4 hours late.
I know that accidents happen and these unlucky things are relatively common and I've been fortunate to have a clear result so soon, but I don't think it was a coincidence that it happened at the end of a 91 hour working week.
*goes humbly to pick up glasses after boozy students*
Knackered doctors
(Lib) There are dozens of occupations where hours are strictly limited and have been for a long time. Train driver, bus driver, for example. So why not doctors? I can think of a few answers, none of which reflect well on the administrators. Is my cynicism justified? Your rant certainly is.
My dad has the same problem. Of course, how many MPs do you know who are or have ever been doctors and therefore care?
[Lib] (((hug))) I'll never complain about my job again.

[ZK] I do happen to know that a certain supermarket chain recently bought by Morrisons is hiring down here so they might well be in the jolly Midlands. If you can put up with eight hours of beep... beep... and can ask "would you like cashback?" with sincerety, then apply! It's fun! Really!
Offski
Disappointed that I've managed to only half-fill the van. Well, looks like we're off...
I've just realised that I was in fact complaining about my job opnly about a minute after promising not to do it. *sigh*. I need a drink. I know it's not even midday.
Needle Stick
:o( Remote hug sent. Feel better.
Normality
Cheers everyone. Thanks for the support. Have been some kind of distorted celebrity at work today. Hoping tommorow I can have some normality, and put the whole nasty experience behind me.
[Lib] Well good. I'd like to publicly mark the passing of one of the greats of music, John Peel. He played an important part in helping me see past mainstream music and start listening to other things. He'll be sadly missed. Rest in Peace, Peely.
John Peel can't be dead!!!!!!!!!!!





He's not, is he?





Is he?
a quick trip to BBC news later
disbelief declared He is, as well. They say bad things happen in threes - who else are we going to lose in October?! I add my sentiments to those of nights.
Now, I don't wish for one moment to cast disrespect at Mr Peel, whom I have never heard speak and thought was simply a whimsical article-writer for the Radio Times - although I did read an article of his in which he described the guitar work of Hubert Sumlin as miraculous, and I also know that he possessed more records by Lightnin' Hopkins than any other artist, so I approve of him. But in what way can someone who wasn't a musician be regarded as one of the greats of music? Isn't that rather like calling Brian Sewell one of the greats of art?
Interesting point. One might say that John Peel was a great aide to development within the music industry, by introducing a lot of new and diverse material that might not otherwise have been publicised. I don't know precisely in what capacity Brian Sewell works within the art sphere - I presume he's an art critic *prepares to get shot down in flames* which isn't quite the same thing. So you might rephrase it as "one of the greats of music journalism", or something.

None of my business really.
JP
If you want to understand something of Peel's influence in popular music you could do worse than to spend a couple of minutes reading through some news articles, tributes and the various obits that have appeared. It's not like they're hard to find or anything.

Let me however try to give me a feel for why Peel was a much-loved figure in music. First, he's been on the modern (Beatles onwards) pop music scene for as long as that scene existed - in fact he used his Liverpudlian connection to get himself a job in the States on the back of the Beatles' success at the start of his career. He genuinely seemed to love all music that had been created with a passion, right from Belgian nosebleed noisethrash mp3s through to jazz standards recorded on crackly 78's. His Radio 1 programme would typically showcase both of these and everything inbetweeen. His links were usually extremely witty and peppered with little anecdotes about the band whose music he'd played, or some little story about how he came about purchasing that particular bit of green vinyl from a backstreet record shop in Groningen. Even as he was starting to draw a pension, he was still producing two hour shows three times a week. The consequences are severalfold: (i) he gave people who tired of the formulaic easy-listening pap that makes up most of a radio station's playlist a refuge where something more challenging could be found (but without taking it too seriously like what more eclectic programmes on R3 do); (ii) this exposure to a wider range of music (such as, I understand the DIY ethos of the punk movement) inspired many people to start making music themselves (see the tributes passim); (iii) it also gave budding musicians something to aspire to, viz getting Peel to give them a session and help get them noticed (if they were any good); (iv) it also created the impression that he would always be there, one of the reasons why he is sorely missed.

It's impossible to know how different the pop music tapestry would be without him; but I think it's wholly appropriate that he should be saluted for having made a huge contribution to the particular way it came to be woven. I think that's what people mean when they say he's a 'great of music'.

John Peel also played a mean Jaws Harp on the Third Ear Band's album Alchemy.
missed
[Peel] Wish we'd had one of him in Australia. :-(
JP was also seen on TOTP beside Rod Stewart, playing the mandolin on Maggie May.
It was well known that if you sent him a demo he would listen to it - for fear of missing something. Thus Blur, the Undertones and many more got a play on his show before any record companies had heard of them.
I also admired him for 'Home Truths', although it wasn't really my sort of show - the way he could get ordinary people to talk about extraordinary and/or very painful things was an example of the interviewer's art that most others could learn much from.
[Breadmaster] I think you could say "one of the greats of music" in the same way that Jean Cocteau was.
Do You Ken John Peel?
[Breadmaster] Alternately, one could simply troll through an on-line CD store for "John Peel" and see how many now-famous bands owe their early exposure to the man. Shameless marketing can sometimes have an unexpected benefit to the consumer and these "John Peel" CDs are some of the best in my collection (although I don't collect them as such, I do add them to my exsisting collections of material by bands I like).
How is everyone writing in bold and italic and normal? (At least on the other forums).
[Knobbly knees] try following this link to DrQu+xum's Basic HTML.
knobbly HTML
I love that page. It's taught me a lot... and in real life too.

To start a new topic, what are we all listening to as we post?
[nights] The cooling fan.
Silence
As I take worshipping the almighty Crescent very seriously I always post in complete silence, while sitting in the lotus position.
hummmmmmm
The hum of the server, the toot of the sandwich van pulling up in the car park, intermittent Tourette-like outbursts of frustration and the clattering of keyboards as my colleagues - nay, UNDERLINGS get on with their proper work while I skive.
Whiiiiiiiiiiine
[nights] My tinitus.
For some reason, the latest CD I've bought is one of chamber music - trios, quartets and quintets - by Schumann. So that's what I'm listening to.
oh gosh you're all funny. I'm listening to one of my legendary mix tapes on headphones while sat in the library.
[nights] You think a background whistle that cannot be silenced no matter what you do is funny? You are one sick puppy.
My ears are alive with the sound of music
I'm listening to the music of a band called Elbow. Somewhere between Schumann and tinnitis.
The beat coming from the morons downstairs.
It's gone very quiet in here. You don't all live beneath me, do you? Only that would be a sure sign the cyanide cake we sent them worked.



Oh, have I said to much? *prepares to destroy the evidence*
*too much
Ear, Ear
I've been listening to various radio shows today, and will start to listen to the last HHGTG episode in a bit. Probably. Other than that, it's the whirr of three or four computer fans and the occasional whine from the cats.

But what I'm really listening to is the sound of my going up the wall as the local anaesthetic from my dentist's visit wears off and my gums itch and my teeth hurt. Aargh!

Local anaesthetic, climbing up the walls
I was watching TV with my flatmates the other week and they switched onto something about cosmetic surgery. Squeamish enough as I am at the best of times, I started busying myself with the fridge when they started describing how one woman was going to have reshaping surgery on her genitalia. When they proceeded to mention that she was having the operation under local anaesthetic, I decided it was time for me to leave the room.
whining noises
[Bif] No, I'm not sick. I was just too tired to read entries properly. Bad nights. In your basket.

[ZK] Oh isn't shared housing lovely? Still, I got up at 06h45 this morning to make sure I actually got a shower today before gettingthe 08h bus. Worked as well.
33s and 45s
Got my first ever P45 today. Whee!
really? first ever? I'm 19 and I've had two... and I made it home again despite the best efforts of First Avon and Somerset Buses.
[ZK] I assume this woman had some ghastly deformity which was being corrected, but my mind is now fillinh unavoidably with the concept of cosmetic genital reshaping, like a bizarre form of topiary. What will they think of next?

I am currently listening to nothing. However, I will shortly be listening to - and indeed watching - the nice new DVD I just got, which is vol. 3 of the American Folk Blues Festival 1962-69. It looks like it's probably not as good as vols. 1 and 2 (especially the latter, which featured among others Lightnin' Hopkins, T-Bone Walker and Howlin' Wolf, bringing the coolness factor dangerously close to critical mass - as well as the apostrophe quotient), but this one does apparently feature a young and hip Buddy Guy. I saw Buddy Guy a couple of months ago and he was old and hip, and kindly let us have our picture taken with him once we'd beaten our way through the frenzied fans. Never have I seen such adulation of any performer - you'd think Jesus had got onto stage to unleash a few funky licks. So I approve of him.

Anyway, I should, hopefully, be listening to a lot less of unwanted noise now that I've moved in with my young lady friend for a bit. This is a much quieter area and the walls are thicker. In my old flat, I could hear my next-door neighbour snoring as clearly as if he were in the room with me - a ghastly thought. He apparently went to bed at about 8pm and stayed there for at least 12 hours, as far as I could tell. Fortunately I have a large and versatile collection of ear plugs - but I'll be glad to use them less for a bit.

I'll be quiet now before this starts to turn into a blog. Whatever that is.
seriously
cosmetic. i kid ye not.
uuuuurgh that's just bizarre. when are you on BURN again ZK?
[ZK] Before: Wayne Rooney or possibly Jesus, if Google is anything to go by. After: Chilly Gonzales ??
feel the BURN
10-11pm on wednesdays, except this wednesday is our last show as the station's license has run out until march. daft.
Mondaypilg
ah. yes. Hmm. I wil be unable to join you for the chat on Monday as I will be in Italy. For the whole week. Hurrah!! (And as for the date situation, we just had date four - brunch in Chelsea - and it's still lovely.) :o)
dates, figs etc
I just got asked out and said yes...what do I do now?! *hasn't been on a date in 2 years and the other ones all sucked*
ooh MC love. go for it, be witty, be charming... be yourself.
Prunes
I'm not sure I've ever been on a formal 'date' so I don't know what the protocol is. Hello from Edinburgh - I also won't be at the chat tonight as I don't have a phone line yet. BT claims it doesn't exist, but I can see it, and if I plug a phone in, there's a continuous tone which I believe is the 'you need to phone up BT to make this work' noise, but BT claims the phone line doesn't exist so, erm, ...
passion fruit
[ZK] I think "turn up" is the first step, but after that I'm not sure.
[ZK] You're asking people online what to do on a date? I think by definition we're the last bunch to ask such a thing!
BT hates me, you, all of us.
[rab] when I moved into my house down here the first thing I did was test the phone line, got the same result you did, called BT from my mobile and they turned it on and set up my account the same day. however they're now making it very difficult for me to cancel as we've now got telewest, so swings and roundabouts.
sorry to comment twice, but I've had an awfully good idea for a game. so first dibs on any new slots that come up...
Date
[ZK] I have said this before, but it bears repeating. While on your date, do not under any circumstances bite your datee on the buttocks no matter how firm and round they look and no matter how opportune the moment seems.
[nights] Weren't we about to do the whole tag team thing? Or did that happen really quickly and I missed it?
[Stevie] I've just spent the afternoon having worse suggestions than that put to me by my friends. In front of my date. But I have to ask; are you speaking from experience or common sense? If the former, please give details.
on tenterhooks
[ZK] So, how did it go? Need to know! Hope your friends didn't put the cat amongst the pigeons too much!
im too horny for my own good
no doctors out there then!?
im a nurse think iv got same simptoms as you
im a guy! how so the same
oh yea. well i know your gagging for it now yea??
MY DICK IS HUGE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
before we were so rudely interrupted
[Lib] Allow me to clarify my own scrambled english. I referred to the lad in question as "the date" although the date is fact not until thursday. Although they were taking the mick so much he had to wait until I left and follow me to sort out precisely when we'd be going, as we couldn't talk sense with the rest of them around! Ah, stupid gits, though I love them all. So I'll let you all know, probably at about 3 in the morning on Friday.
[ZK] good luck, I'm sure it'll be fine. Just be yourself. Worked for me, and never mind the fact that I have been single for exactly one year today. Sob.

[Tuj] I think you missed it dude. I think. I might be thinking of MCiOS.

[travis, b laine] get the hell off this server.
Hello
No, we were going to have the tag game. The team-test game was there to test the team colours out, and the intention was for someone to start the tag game in its place. But no-one did, and some passer-by started something else instead. Your bad.
nothing at all
I'd just like to say how lovely it is not to have to use the airconditioners now that the weather's cooled off over the last fortnight. Most readers here would be used to the opposite problem, but let me assure you it's not been at all nice. And it's great to be able to walk outside without fainting from the heat and humidity. 18 to 30°C is pretty good, really.

Back to your regularly scheduled programme.

Buttock Biting
[ZK] Oh, very much from experience I am sad to say. And when Mrs Stevie found out it went very badly for me, I can tell you. She drinks far too much coffee and as a result can be a tad excitable over the most trivial things.
hampster
Strangely, I was speaking to a work colleague today, and realised that his breath smelt of hampster! I was a bit distracted, as you might imagine.
dates, figs etc
Well! Remember my radio show? The station's licence is up till march, so last night was our last show for the forseeable future. I couldn't figure out why Lottie was so jittery....until my date for this evening (now I boyfriend, I'm given to understand) turned up in the second half of the show with a bunch of red roses. I think I may be onto a winner here....
[snorgle] Said date also kissed me, an experience I tried to make as brief as possiible as I'd been eating crisps all evening, and then, later, cheese sandwiches. Breath is indeed a tricky business.
[ZK] Well, you must tell us when it's back on the air. The show, I mean, not the snogging. We wouldn't want to listen to that. Well, not most of us, anyway.
March - if we get another time slot. Though if Drinky backs us up (which I think he will) we should be alright.
I sincerely hope so. I missed the show as I was busily eating chinese food at the best chinese in the world, the hong bistro, southgate street, bath. go there, eat yourself pear shaped.

We now return you to "The Banter Page". As we left, ZK was telling us all about her love life...
Date Breath
[ZK] What flavour of crisps? Be explicit.
Well...
hampster flavour,
obviously!
Crisps
[Snorgle] You call that explicit??? Where are the long descriptive passages on the sensual texture of the comestibles and the overwhelming tide of passion they aroused in your young, inexperienced bossom, or the desire they sparked in you to dress in tight, shiny, man-made fabrics?

Now I'm hungry again.
Ready Salted
[Stevie] Here, have a crisp.
Overactive and underemployed
I'd just like to announce that I have played a move in every MC5 game today.
If you're feeling at a loose end, howsabout you expand that in the Furcation Game? It could use a bit of a kickstart, that one.
The Furcation Game
I think this game needs an advertising campaign, because I love it. I've devoted small chunks of my life to it twice now, and yes it's a behemoth, but things just seem right with the world once you've moved. Go on someone, please!
Once you've moved
(Tuj) Absolutely! I am never so agreeable as after a good shit. Ooh, wonderful! (Stevie) Wossa bossom, then? Have I got one? Have you?
crisps
[Stevie] Ready Salted, I seem to recall. Still, we had a good smooch after donuts on Thursday. Heck, he'd been eating onions and I didn't even notice.
Not that we were randomly eating onions, mind you. That would just be silly.
Furc
[Tuj] I desperately wanted to, but after about six months of not posting a move it became apparent that I don't have quite the spare time I once did. Which is a pity, because I long ago thought of a particularly devastating move which would have given new meaning to the words "it's hard to play Acre Street variants".
Proj]
Ooh... No, must remember curiosity killed the cat. Mind you, I'd imagine it's an easier task to play a move now that the dramatic strands have been conbined to some extent. Anyway, to a player of your character, surely 18 moves is nothing... ;]
18 moves?
Yes, but if I wanted to play it competitively, I'd have to do a lot more than 18 moves in order to raise the bar. :)
Benevolence
Maybe to promote other people to join in you could play a few less - after all, it is The Furcation Game rather than Acre Street. Wouldn't that be nice for the community?

Then when they're in you can get 'em...
I would participate in the Furcation Game, but I have absolutely no idea about HTML. Bit of a handicap.

[ZK] Hooray! You seeing him again?
Cross posted from MCiOS
[theatre folk] Sorry for being a bit spammy, but if you know any folks in London who are theatrically minded, Thos and I are in the early stages of planning for Jekyll and Hyde - the panto, and we're looking for a production team. If you know people who'd like to add something unpaid to their CV (but done in a proper theatre, like), please could you ask them to peek at the vacancies halfway down this page? Spam ends.
Furcating
nights, and anyone else] The HTML isn't that tricky, and as I discovered on my first move you can generally just steal other peoples' tables and the like and repaint them. Then there's that excellent basic guide people regularly post links to which I can't remember the address of...
It is a site created by our own Dr Q+ (who seems to have disappeared) and can be found here.
[nights] Well I hope so, seeing as he's my boyfriend now. Hurrah!
Of nothing
There's a sticker on my door proclaiming "Blood donors love life" which somehow feels like the opposite of a grocer's apo'strophe.
[rab] careful, you're drifting into grammar pedant territory, and I know enough of them by fortune of being a languages student.

[ZK] Oh I am pleased. Good for you!
Acquiring boyfriends..
[ZK] I think I might have one too... how many dates does it take to qualify?
Amorous taxonomy
[pen] Based on negligible experience, I think "boyfriend" is what you call it when:
  • ...you stop counting dates.
  • ...the next date is "when", not "if".
  • ...you start counting days/weeks/months since the first date.
  • ...you stop calling it "dating" and start calling it "seeing".
Nononono
The state of boy/girlfriendshipness must be formally announced, ideally through a public advertisment in The Times, but these days more commonly on the official web-based boards set up for this purpose.
Cultural differences
I always understood the situation to become officially acknowledged when, and only when, you were finally caught out behind the bike shed. Or adult equivalent, I suppose, in this case.
I think that it's when engaging in romantic liaisons with a third party would be frowned upon by the other person. Unless they're involved as well, of course. That's an entirely different matter.
Announcement
Penelope is proud to announce that after many years of searching, she has found a man with sufficiently low standards to happily accompany her for cocktails, noodles, full English breakfasts and participate in the odd snog.
[Rab] will that do?
aw it's all going off around here. let's hope nights is next, eh?
Yey Penelope!
Yey yey Penelope!
I just hope I haven't spoken too soon
I just hope he is good enough for you.
Penelope's New Love
I too enjoy "odd" snogging. It has been a cause of much friction between Mrs Stevie and me, but only when she's asleep as she finds the whole thing a little strange (or as she would jokingly put it "Get the hell away from me you twisted goon").
hmm..
What's odd about your snogging then?
Go Pen, GO!
*Dances round with a multitude of glee at Pen's excitement and sings 'Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah!* Well Done hon! Also keeping fingers crossed, just incase!
Well done Penelope! I thought you put "participate in the odd song" at first.
Goodness! It must be - er - something to do with autumn. I'm very pleased for you all, and kind of jealous, which is odd given my non-single status. There's something thoroughly pleasant about starting going out with someone that is intrinsically better than actually going out with them, however nice and fulfilling the latter may be. I'm sure Aristotle had something wise to say on the subject.
Inamorata di Pen
(Lib) Better than keeping your legs crossed.
that's enough of that please, ladies. hoorah for you, pen! hope it works out.
(nights) I'm not a lady, and possibly not even a gentleman. :-)
I knew I'd get a comment like that. gaaaaah.
[penelope] Er, I don't know. People asked us if we were boyfriend/girlfriend before we went on our first date, and we agreed that we were. I don't think it's supposed to be done that way. However, I hope you've got one. A boyfriend, that is. Yay! All my friends hate me now, even the taken ones. It's quite amusing.
[ZK] If your friends hate you now it must be because they nurse a secret and all-consuming love for you, and cannot stand to see you attached. This can be a problem if it leads them to murder your beau horrifically and attempt to win your love by sending you his heart through the post, but you can turn it to your advantage by cynically playing on their feelings and promising them affection in exchange for obeying your whims. Correctly done, this can result in your having a small army of emotionally warped zombies at your beck and call. Then you're the one who decides who gets horribly murdered.
Studento della lingua
Rosie] Inamorato, I'd say...
Breadmaster] When's the film version out? Sounds great!
emotionally warped zombies
[BM]I've got a friend who does that..
Gender confusion
(Tuj) And you'd be right - clever c***. :-)
ruling the world via a personal league of zombies
tempting, tempting...
I think it might be time to emigrate. goodnight everybody!
Standing ovation
Does anyone know where I can buy a hatstand?
if you want to get ahead
[Rab] cheap option - junkshop. I bet IKEA do one too...
TITFER - beech veneer bentwood hatstand, with room for three trilbys, or one beret plus a Homburg.
How smart though, to be be wearing so many hats that you actually need a hatstand!.
standing hats
[Pen] Surely if he was wearing them he wouldn't need the hatstand?
Hatstand
[Rab] By drilling a 3/4" hole in your hardwood floor and gluing a length of broomhadle into it one can fashion a hatstand in minutes.
Buy a moose. That way, you can take a selection of hats with you wherever you go without worrying about them being flattened in a suitcase.
Rosie] Charming... I almost take that as a compliment! Mind you, I'm only 300 points away from getting my PedantGold Reward Card...
Hatstand
AT a fraction of the cost of Penelope's Ikea "TITFER" (assembles in two or three evenings) and Stevie's daft "broom" lash-up one could buy a pound of ten-penny nails and pound them into the walls all over the house, providing instant access to a low-cost hatstand wherever one was when the urge or need to de-chapeauinate overcame one.
A sterling idea
Bif] Pounding takes effort though; even persuading someone else to do pounding takes effort. Now, you may think Stevie's idea takes effort, but it's effort for something seemingly pointless, bizarre and/or amusing, so that doesn't count.
These are the rules upon which society should be based. Well, they work for me.
An Objection
At the risk of incurring the Wrath of StevieTM, a not inconsiderable factor given the fearful doings of same in a strikingly diverse range of arenas, the biggest problem with the broom handle idea is that it will make an excellent hatstand for exactly one hat, notwithstanding the possibilities of stacking. There may need to be pounding of nails in order to provide sufficient hat affixation devices upon the broom handle for it to be a practical proposition.

There is the additional worry that if this broom handle pounding is performed that you will be providing a readily accessible spiked club with which one might be, how shall I put it, persuaded of the error of one's ways by an irate spouse, partner, or owner of said hardwood floor, so maybe we should just be content with the one hat after all.

Objecting
Dunx] If you've been beheaded you don't need any hats at all... My lies, my beautiful lies!
Further thoughts
I suspect that Stevie is, in his utilitarian and no-frills manner, thinking of a situation where one has only one hat, and a broom handle would therefore provide adequate hat-storage capacity. After all, you can't wear more than one hat at a time, can you? So there's no need for more. Although, to be fair, my parsimonious attempts to "slim down" all the contents of the wardrobe along this principle drew stern wrath from my own irate partner. I tried to argue that one only wears one set of underwear at at time, but this had little positive effect. So perhaps the broom handle idea would prove equally unpopular.
No, no, no...
It's actually a hatstand for two hats. Hang one, wear the other. The minor inconvenience of having to wear a hat to bed is more than made up for by the elegant and unfussy look of the stand.
*makes her way to IKEA just off the A720 in Edinburgh*
"One TITFER please. Can you deliver it to Rab in town this afternoon?? Thank you."
On line
Hello again from an infrequent visitor. I'm now PC'd and broadbanded-up at home, so might be about a bit more. (Not immediately though, I'm off for a pint to celebrate getting this thing working!) Is everyone enjoying their weekend?
Before I depart for that pint.....
Can anyone point me in the direction of Dr Q's handy guide to HTML?
Here it is.
After more than just one pint
Thanks Darren, you are a wonderful person.
bladderd still and lost
Bring back missiv trellis
[splooge] We've got a Missive Trellis game running on Orange MC at the moment ("The Epistle of Mrs Trellis").
[Bigsmith] yes I am thanks, I've got a week off from lectures. hooray for reading week!
[nights] Enjoy!
tales from the front line
[everybody] you'll like this. while working at *a certain well-known UK supermarket chain* on saturday, I had a woman refuse to pay for her shopping, because the total was £6.66. she had to buy some chewing gum, mainly out of fright, before she would cough up. honestly. just a number.
Man trouble
I spoke too soon. :o(. I'd pay for the £6.66 shopping - everything else I do appears to be jinxed, what more could go wrong? Double :o(
uh-oh
Poo.
neighbour
[nights] Couldn't you offer her 1p cashback and charge her £6.67?
[pen] :o(
no.
[bool] long story, but no. cashback of 1p would be more trouble than it's worth, in many varied and frightening ways.
[pen] he's not worth it...
[pen] what? nooo! why?
Foolishness
[nights] More proof, were any needed, that the entire human race is totally beyond help and needs to be culled urgently before more stupidity is committed. You should have told her that "666" is only one possible reading of the verse, and that variants exist, notably "646", and I don't see anyone worrying about that. It's just about Nero anyway.
Further to this, consider the exceptionally annoying experience I had today. I went to the bank to draw a bank draft in foreign currency that I urgently need to send abroad. They told me that they can write a bank draft in pounds on the spot, but one in foreign currency has to be done by the head office, and takes a week to arrive. I asked why they can't do one on the spot. They told me they didn't have the equipment. I asked what equipment they required for this that wasn't required to write one in pounds. They looked shifty and muttered something about printing and exchange rates. I decided to give up on the argument rather than start asking them how a bank was unable to determine an exchange rate - I mean, if only head office can do it, why can't they ring them up and ask? I also decided not to press the matter of its taking a week to arrive from head office - do they send it by donkey? This is the kind of ridiculous rubbish we have to put up all the time. Insane, arbitrary rules that make no sense whatsoever, and for which no explanation is offered. For God's sake, how much harder is it to write a draft in Singapore dollars than it is to write one in pounds? I also restrained myself from correcting the bank person's execrable English ("They can send it to us or to yourself..." - "yourself" is reflexive, you mouth-breathing moron!). Why can't anyone in London talk properly?
I'm going to go and simmer down now. This is how I get after night shifts...
Yourself
'Yourself' as misused by e.g. hapless bank tellers is usually a sort of attempt to sound professional or formal by someone who is not sufficiently in command of the language to be able to do so properly. I find it grates too, but telling myself that does reduce the irritation quotient - a bit.
I do my 'bear with a sore head' impressions in the mornings, such as today, when I was woken up by the Jehovah's Witnesses Q: 'Did I disturb you?' A: 'Yes.' The fellow should have withdrawn gracefully then, rather than trying to run through his spiel. It was not appreciated.
Door knockers
I sympathise, Simons Mith. Some years ago I seem to have stumbled across a method of reducing/eliminating nuisance calls from the Mormon bretheren. I had a shop at the time. A couple of their 'missionaries' came a-knocking in an endeavour to sell me their wares. In a shop, for heaven's sake! Anyway it was a quiet day so I took them on. An hour or so later, with only a few short interruptions for customer attention, they left - leaving me with a copy of The Book of the Mormon (interestingly sub-titled Another Testament of Jesus Christ) and a promise to pop back in a few days to give me time to have a look through it. They did not return. Disappointing in one way, most pleasing in another.
J.W.s
Luckily for me Bigsmith Towers is equiped with a large forward facing bay window, so (during the hours of daylight at least) i can see the buggers coming. This gives me the time to dust off and cue up a bit of good old death metal - something like Venom or Cradle of Filth - strip to my underpants and answer the door with can of Stella in hand. They don't stay long....
Door-to-door religion salesmen
What's their success rate like, I wonder? It strikes me that anyone vulnerable to this sort of thing would have succumbed years ago, and then would sell out to the Mormons and so on as each came round in turn. If their success rate truly is zero, WHY DO THEY WASTE EVERYBODY'S TIME DOING IT!?
Another testament of Jesus Christ...
...from the author that brought you "Blessed Are The Meek", "Render Unto Caesar" and "Oooh, this Cross Stings A Bit".
Dim Wits
I've often wondered about that myself, Simons Mith. After all, if my forebears are to be believed, even the tramps used have a 'secret' code which they scribed before someone's dwelling to indicate 'Probable', 'Possible', 'Unlikely' and 'Don't go in there the dog will eat your balls and dump your remains in the bin'. Then again, most tramps are probably better organised (and intelligent?) than those of whom we speak.
I can just imagine it, Projoy: Bible IV The Ultimate Experience - Includes the Creator's Cuts.
annoying door people
I live in a student house, and it was a student house for many years previous. I think they've learnt that we have absolutely NO surplus money - it all goes to tescos or over the bar. and I generally tell jehovah's witnesses I'm jewish. gets rid of them.
I love it when Jehovah's Witnesses come round. I engage them in discussion and refute them. Unfortunately, they tend to be a bit thick and not realise they've been refuted. Eventually they try to get away but I don't let them. It helps if you have a Bible to hand, since their Bibles are subtly rewritten, for some peculiar reason. They're obsessed with the bit about the sea in Revelation.
seeing them off the premises
An acquaintance of mine found they left pretty sharpish when he fired a shotgun into his own living room ceiling.
Try to reason with Jehovah's Witnesses. Score 1 point for each time they try to prove something by saying "but it says so in the Bible". Score 5 points if they agree that something in their manual isn't as accurate as it should be. Score 10 points if they want to leave plus get a bonus 5 points for getting a free Watchtower. I got 26 points once.
I live in a flat now, with an entryphone, so I never get them anymore. I did used to enjoy arguing with them, but if I am in that mood nowadays, I can simply come on here and say something that I know will get Breadmaster going :).
I wonder that the JWs haven't yet thought of email spam as a method of disseminating the good news.
witnessing
They don't try very hard around here - a couple came to my door, quite elderly and passed over 2 free Watchtowers without saying much more than hello. The lady asked me if I thought Jesus was born on Xmas Day, so I just said "I dunno" and shut the door.
Unwanted callers
I have learned from experience that a little politeness goes a long way: for example:

Double-glazing salesperson: "I just want to ask you - if you could have any room in your house double-glazed for free, which would it be?
Self: "None of them, but thanks for calling." [Click]

Financial services salesperson: "Do you have a couple of minutes to take part in a customer survey?
Self: "No, but thanks for calling." [Click]

Door to door religious salesperson: "Can I interest you in the word of the Lord?
Self: "No, but thanks for stopping by." [Click]

I find that the little gesture of politeness catches them momentarily off their guard and enables you to put the phone down or close the door with a clear conscience and without leaving an opportunity for comeback.

[Projoy] I hope you're not lumping me together with Jehovah's Witnesses! Reminds me, for some reason, of the old and rather silly joke, according to which a man sees someone about to jump off a high building and attempts to talk him down. He tries, "Do you believe in God?" "Why, yes," replies the would-be suicide. "What a coincidence!" says the rescuer. "So do I! Are you a Christian, Jew, or Muslim?"
"I'm a Christian."
"What a coincidence, so am I! Are you Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox, Coptic, Persian?"
"I'm a Protestant."
"Why, so am I! Are you Lutheran, Reformed, Anglican, Methodist, Baptist, Evangelical Free, Pentecostalist, Quaker, or Anabaptist?"
"Reformed."
"Me too! Are you Remonstrant or Non-Remonstrant?"
"I'm Non-Remonstrant."
"So am I! Are you Prelapsarian or Supralapsarian?"
"Supralapsarian."
At which the would-be rescuer pushes him off the ledge, shouting, "Die, you heretic!"
[Kim] on the one hand, you're right, and I should probably make the effort to be pleasant. on the other hand, being forced to say "thanks for shopping at *a certain well-known UK based supermarket chain* " really gets on my nads, so I feel like all my politeness has been used up.

however, I DO manage to say "cheers drive" to every bus driver I meet, and on a good (or possibly bad) week, that's at least 20. thank goodness I've got a bus pass.
Drivers
[nights] I know two people with bus driving experience, both of whom detest with a vengeance being addressed as "Drive". Unlucky, I say.
Slightly more Celebdaq
Just interupt and barge in for one moment, one of my other Celebdaq accounts Not the Ant Hill Mob is on the front page at No5. *jumps up and runs round the room again*
celebbing
I got to No. 4 on the front page once *sigh*. Now, I think both my accounts have lapsed - both newjustine and evil_edna. :o(
trumpet blowing
I'm pleased that I'm currently second here.
There is nothing like a dame ....
Gosh. We currently have no less than 3 Knights Of The Realm/Garter/RoundTable gracing the Home Page - Sir Henry, Sir Joseph Ba'guette and Sir George the er .. hesitant.
They're becomin' orflay commonplace nowadays ..
Gravelly voice
Hello, Chorlkey... nice to see you pop in for a bit.
deep velvet voice
Why thank you, kind rabster. Why so gravelly?
Acksherly, I did a bit of popping last week but have now fully completed my peregrinations abroad so should get the chance to pop in for lots of bits from now on :-)
Just had some aggregate delivered, you see...

Meanwhile, I wish the person calling the phone in the next office would get used to the idea there's nobody there...

Aggregate
(rab) And what did it come to, in total?
[Bigsmith] on the other hand, half of the bus drivers in Bath are Polish, so they probably don't get it.
driving
I usually thank the bus driver, just with a "Thanks". Mind you, in Cardiff, they come in for a lot of abuse including being stoned and shot, so I feel sorry for them.
Bus drivers
I have more contact with bus drivers than is good... too much public transport usage! And a "cheers" or "thanks" usually suffices, 'cause generally they're very moody. I've only ever met one nice one, and he was actually a scheduler/office worker or summat who'd been drafted in to drive the last bus of the day. Still, he gave me a lift about 8 miles off-route and didn't crash into anything, so I'm not complaining.
round the bend
I once got on a local bus in Pontypridd, driven by the usual driver, who was very nice ordinarily. Unfortunately he had just broken up with his girlfriend and seemed to have a deathwish - as we drove along some roads with very steep drops without stopping the whole trip it was a wee bit scary..
Bussage
In Edinburgh the whole 'to-thank-or-not-to-thank' dilemma is solved by having exit doors in the middle of the bus. Communication with the drivers seems to be strictly discouraged, in fact, by virtue of them sitting in a perspex isobooth. Your fare is poured into a slot, whereupon the driver presses a button to signal its descent down the chute of destiny into the locked safe of eternity (they don't, famously, give change). The ticket appears from a hole in the wall. The whole thing works so that even eye contact with the driver is a near impossibility... I quite like it that way.
Bus drivers
In a more civilised and less cost-conscious world we'd have bus conductors and the driver could get on with his job undistracted, and undelayed.
I had the eerie experience last night of travelling on a coach whose driver had the exact same name as me. I'd never met anyone else with my name before. It's decidedly creepy.
My colleagues googled me and discovered someone with my name that they claim also looks exactly like me. I dispute this (not only because he's over 50 and American). But I'm still slightly disturbed.
Someone with my name draws Harry Potter fan art. Someone else is a pop star. And another one is head of a Meat Board (?) or something, if I remember correctly. But I'm the best one. :)
Whereas I (as could a great many people I suspect) can be fairly sure that my name is unique, even if we discount my middle name. Anybody with my surname is a member of my father's-side family and due to cultural/ethnic reasons, the probability of any of them sharing my first name is extremely low.
According to google, I have one phonetic namesake (ie her name is spelled wrong) who's a successful college runner in the US. Anyone who knows me will know she's not me as I'm crap at running, whereas I am rather brilliant at writing - she doesn't have any google-indexed articles published on the Institute of Biology's website.
[LotUS] Are they all Lords of the Under-Stairs?
[auto-googling] - I'm a professor in Vermont. What's slightly more surprising is that I'm female.
Namesakes
I'm not going to bother googling - there are at least three more of me who work for the same company as I do (and the bastards never forward me messages or post they get by mistake). On another subject I've started this last week or so re-playing my old collection of CD singles in alphabetical order. The batch in hand currently are by Claytown Troupe, Close to the Hype, a couple by Marc Cohn, and Tommy Conwell & the Young Rumblers. Happy memories....
Namesakes
One of my old piano teachers claimed to have *another* student also called Jonathan Ellis...

However, he lacked (1) the same middle name as me, and more importantly (2) the ability to learn something such as Chopin's Polonaise in A flat in less than a week, be able to hack the second half of Rachmaninov's cello sonata in four days or - as happened today - when accompanying a baroque-music oboe class in which the student was playing on a modern instrument and the teacher on a Baroque instrument which was tuned a semitone flatter - to sight-read the same piece both in the original A minor and transposed into A flat minor, switching between them every two minutes depending on which one of the two was playing which instrument at the time.

Which is why I make a reasonably survivable living that pays the bills and mortgage working freelance at the RNCM: whereas he gave up the piano completely, went to study law, and had two houses and no mortgages within the first four years after completing his studies... *sigh*

I'm pretty good at some things as well.
Hern
Especially creating confusion in the Mini Cheddars game.
actually I think I had a hand in that. ooops.
[JLE] *empathetic sigh*
well, I'm hopeless at handstands but quite good at Guinness casseroles
small cheeses
(nights) Can't see anything wrong with your contribution. :-)
Winter clean
Hello. On one of my occasional wander-throughs I noted that the lost consonants game is now a year old. I thought things were looking a little dusty around here, but I didn't realise that dusty. I moot a winter clean, and the start of, at least, a team game since I went to the trouble of writing the team-colours strap-on. Only thing holding me back is that I'm currently an active participant in practically zero of the games, so who am I to say anything?
[rab] seconded. lost consonants has been discussing its own end lately - why not put it out of its misery.
Lost Consonants must be retied! I want to lay a new game!
Make Way! Make Way!
Well, I've just made some space by taking advantage of poor defending at Here and There. So Lost Consonants may still have some tim to save itself.
Spirited away
[INJ] That's the spirit!
Electronic tagging
So, anyone up for a spot of tag wrestling?
oo-er
[rab]Strap-on? Thank you for an interesting mental image on a boring (ie nothing whatsoever to do) work day. ;)
Kicking heels
So no tag game then...
Inkers] Personally I'm very much up for it, though wondering how many teams we'll have. Has the mising consonants game received a stay of execution? Unless his rabness just wishes to make the tag game because it has already entailed some effort... ;]
'netiquette
< moan > In the past, new games have been launched AFTER consultation [however brief] in here. Seems as though the latest three have appeared without a by-your-leave. I'm all for following up rab's hard work with a Team Colours Tag Game but just wish I could be here when a slot appears. < /moan >
Perhaps a bout of serial killing is called for ...
*Offers Chalky a silver hammer*
[Chalky] Thank you for saying what I wanted to say, but declined for fear of appearing overly heavy-handed. In fact I've half a mind to kill all the games, and start afresh...
freshness?
[rab] Seeking a feeling of freshness? Try changing your underpants!
naaah, I'm all for a few changes. Go ahead. Cull a few.
From the eats, shoots and leaves department
Email just received: "I have mail for Dr. Factory Mallard. Please email me, his room number or department."

[pen] May I assure you that my gussets are always lemon-fresh.

I agree with everybody. a fresh start is a scary prospect, but quite an attractive one I'll admit. kill some things that seem twisted and nasty, and plant some fresh young vibrant things. or start a new game, whichever you prefer.
What the Furc...
The Furcation Game is an undoubted work of art, but the last serious move [Tuj] was 4 months ago and it seems to be in a sufficient state of decay to be attracting the local graffiti artists. Is anyone planning another megapost, or should it quietly pass into history?
Furcing hell
I vote for putting it below the line. It can always be reinstated on special occasions, monarch's birthdays and the like as required. Except I'll have to do this 'behind the scenes' as the game is, in fact, unwinnable. One more vote (from someone like Tuj, Martha or matt) and I'll do it.
Oh, and can I suggest that for Tag Wrestling, the two team colours be navy and crimson?
*rushing in and out *
Bags I be Crimson - [navy don't look much different on my browser]- please someone start the game - haven't even got time to look back and see what we consenced on ... never mind compose a suitably beguiling, witty pre-match talk ...
OK, how about cornflower blue instead?
Lovely, petal :-)
Tagnation
Who's in which team?
I guess you join the team who's turn it is by making a move.
rab] Or the cornflower team if you want to win, of course.
Re: the games crisis (or not), I'm of course staunchly in favour of keeping the Furcation Game going, which hopefully doesn't make me unique... unless you want to cryogenically freeze it (with its own special not-quite-in-the-archives bit on the games list, o' coruse) - provided something similarly gargantuan is put up in its stead, like Acre Street or a Long Winded Variant. Just to discourage the itninerant game starters Chalky moaned about (seconded). And what exactly has been got into with the "what have i got myself into" game? Its ugly unpunctuated appearance on the page angers me...
NB
"O' coruse" is ancient Gaelic for "naturally". That did affect the punctuation of that sentence too...
Blimey Tuj - such erudition! But glad you're still speaking to me :-) [clue = Scissor Sisters]
I'll be brutally honest, I've never understood the furcation game, so it's passing is no great worry to me.

I wish I could look at the rest of the site but I have printing to do so it'll have to wait until lunchtime now. bother.
Special status
I think a special status for the Furcation Game would be appropriate... I'll just have to think a little about what that would actually mean.
I vote special status for the Furc Game. So there :oP
Jolly Good
And that might just be the fillip I need to get cracking with a new move over the Christmas break.
it's a sad state of affairs when I'm on campus from 08h45, and my first opportunity to check these boards is now, 17h07. today, however, has been an exceptionally busy day. grr.
arrow_circle_down
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