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So the Danish guy dies
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Well, we've all seen those promising trailers that make the worst films seem like the next Oscar winner - how about writing a description that makes a classic sound absolutely dire? e.g. So there's this teenager and he hates his mother and his stepdad and there's loads of drugs and gore and they all die. Only better, hopefully. And without Mel Gibson.
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Apocalypse Now
A soldier goes on a long hunt for another soldier. After a long time, he finds him.
The Godfather
Crime pays, but it has its downside, too.
Star Wars; The Empire Strikes Back; Return of the Jedi
(1) Some wars in the stars. (2) The empire strikes back. (3) The Jedi return.
Godfather III
Legit pays as well, but also has its downside.
Final Fantasy
Walkthrough of a videogame.
The Day After Tomorrow
Michael Fish gets it wrong again.
The great escape
A lot of people get out of a Nazi prison camp, but most of them get caught.
Entrapment
Two unlikely halves of a pair spend 120 minutes getting eachother exactly where they each want to be. One stunning lycra moment not to be missed
Dr Zhivago
Billed as a love story, but it's too cold for anyone to get their clothes off.
Zulu
Chirpy Redcoats shoot lots of black tribesmen.
Dr Strangelove
Lots of people, many of whom look like Peter Sellers, fail to prevent the end of the world.
Hawk the Slayer
Two wooden leads battle it out in a charmingly cliched, hammed-up swords and sorcery 'epic', filled with bit-part actors drawn from 1970s ITV series and special effects based on ping-pong balls and silly string. And the soundtrack makes it sound like disco was invented in the Middle Ages.
Clue
A whodunnit for which three different endings were filmed, proving that the filmmakers have as little an idea of who actually did it as the audience, and even less of an inclination to find out.
Bull Durham
So, the immature, crass guy gets to be successful, and the deep, intelligent one gets binned. Oh, and it's about baseball.
The Sound of Music
Failing nun sings a lot with children. There are mountains.
The Phantom of the Paradise
Diminutive record producer steals music from composer, and disfigures his face for good measure. Then everybody dies.
Withnail & I
Two actors drink lots of alcohol and take lots of drugs, which results in one of them nearly sleeping with a fat guy.
The Count of Monte Cristo
A chap is thoroughly ruined and betrayed by some fellows, then set to rights and made wealthy and powerful by another fellow. The latter dies, but the former are still alive so he shows them what's what.
Dances with Wolves
What appears to be the prequel to the survivor reality series and David Attenborough's nature extravaganzas. This production includes, basically, one man, one wolf and some buffalo. The man learns to say 'buffalo' in the native indian language and has it off with a squaw, finally riding off into a snowy sunset. Oh, yes, the wolf dies.
For a Few Dollars More
Bangbangbang$$$$$$$$$!!!!
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Several stars of the silver screen appear with Steve Martin without being aware of it.
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