mc5 - So the Danish guy dies

Well, we've all seen those promising trailers that make the worst films seem like the next Oscar winner - how about writing a description that makes a classic sound absolutely dire? e.g. So there's this teenager and he hates his mother and his stepdad and there's loads of drugs and gore and they all die. Only better, hopefully. And without Mel Gibson.

Snodgrass

Entrapment

Two unlikely halves of a pair spend 120 minutes getting eachother exactly where they each want to be. One stunning lycra moment not to be missed

ImNotJohn

Dr Zhivago

Billed as a love story, but it's too cold for anyone to get their clothes off.

Uncle Korky

Zulu

Chirpy Redcoats shoot lots of black tribesmen.

Breadmaster

Dr Strangelove

Lots of people, many of whom look like Peter Sellers, fail to prevent the end of the world.

Uncle Korky

Hawk the Slayer

Two wooden leads battle it out in a charmingly cliched, hammed-up swords and sorcery 'epic', filled with bit-part actors drawn from 1970s ITV series and special effects based on ping-pong balls and silly string. And the soundtrack makes it sound like disco was invented in the Middle Ages.