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Slap My Jammy Badger! 2004
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Yes, it's time for another game of Slap My Jammy Badger! Release your four highly trained badgers into the London Underground and then attempt to get to Mornington Crescent using standard moves and by picking up vital bonus points from slapping the other player's badgers. Identify the badger by tasting its jam! Please note that nadgering a badger is still disallowed. Fnweek!
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*attempts to sabotage the game with four thinly-disguised paté-smothered crashpenguins released into key central locations at Leicester Square, Green Park, Knightsbridge and Piccadilly Circus.
*spots a badger disappearing into the gloom at Barbican. Gives chase.
Slap at Northwick Park! Oh no, it's one pen's crashpenguins. i feel dirty
*using an oversized remote control unit with forty or so levers, manoeuvres crashpenguins and stealthbadgers to occupy all major intersections, viz: Liverpool Street, Bank, Hammersmith, Acton Town, Stratford, Baker Street, Notting Hill Gate and Embankment, cutting most diagonals (apart from those that don't matter) and reducing LV to 0.3 across Zones 1 to 5 in all four quadrants.*
*as an afterthought, smears marshmallow and peanut butter onto the live rail at Oxford Circus to tempt Will's chocolate-syruped gopher and gives an evil laugh*
*Employs team of Ninja Hampsters to clean up after penelope's crashpenguins at Bank* Aha! What do we have here . . . SLAP! . . . Lick . . . Hmmm! chocolate and David Beckham flavour, I wonder who that belongs to. *Notes result on scoresheet*
Forewarned of the ambush ahead, Alan, Craig, Gary and Jonathan change at Stockwell and switch to the Victoria line.
Too late! A crashpenguin boards the tube at Pimlico . Jonathan uses his bread buttering skills to hold the penguin off until Victoria . "Fly, you fools!" he cries as the other three escape, leaving Jonathan to face a sticky end. It is all over by Green Park and Jonathan is no more.
Staring at White City whilst my genetically-engineered and anime-enhanced marmalade badgers - Setsuna, Lina, Kamui and Robin - zoom off to raid some gardens, namely Covent, Island, Kew and Ruislip Gardens.
Morgan and Geraint are keen to get on, but Blodwyn and Megan have forced a search of nearby premises at Knightsbridge. *checks matchbox*
*farkle*, to reposition without being seen...
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Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord