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Good News / Bad News
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Right, another chance to alternately build our spirits up and then disappoint them. I can't be bothered to change the winning move so it's still Mornington Crescent.
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Good News
But he's so lost he couldn't even find the Sahara
Bad News
He's found Birmingham city centre.
Good News
So has the SAS! They're here to arrest the air crew and Brian Blessed on terrorism charges!
Bad News
You're going with them, and because you've been designated an enemy combatant you won't have access to a lawyer, the right to trial, or even knowledge of what you are accused of while you languish in prison for an unspecified number of years.
Good News
They have a draughts set in the prison, and your are a world champion draughts (checkers)player!
Bad News
No one will play against you
Good News
It's a singles draughts championship
Bad News
None of the women going to this singles championship want a date with you.
Good News
One of the men does
Bad News
He's too butch. (Did I say that out loud? Hide me!)
Good News
You beat him at draughts, softening him up.
Bad News
He wants to play a new game involving a cucumber, axle grease and a tin of Spam!
Good News
You have the option of saying "no."
Bad News
Caryl Chessman will be the adjudicator.
Good News
They get on so well they decide to play the game together instead, and you can leave them to it.
Bad News
You've got nothing else to do all day now no-one'll play you at draughts, so you end up watching.
Good News
The Governor, a well known Manchester City supporter has decided to throw a party for all the inmates.
Bad News
Most of them support Man U, as might be expected.
Good News
That means you're the governor's favourite.
Bad News
Being the Gov's favourite means that you will get beaten up every day in the toilet block and only get the burnt bits in the dining hall.
Good News
You actually quite like the burnt bits.
Bad Nose
Zat iz all ou are gettong, frome noo oon!
Good News
At least you don't support Ipswich Town. Not a common affliction, but a painful one
Bad News
You support Wimbledon. A very uncommon affliction indeed. Actually I support Chelsea and have done so for 48 years. Never taken themselves too seriously, I'm glad to say; winning something would be rather vulgar, I feel. :-)
Good News
But at least they've moved to Milton Keynes so there is no way you will accidentally wander into the ground on match days. C'mon U R's - Super Hoops!
Bad News
Owing to the limited space in Milton Keynes, Wimbledon is going to merge with the Open University.
Good News
The chanting from the stands is now grammatically correct
Bad News
It's not quite so catchy.
Good News
Simon Cowell wants to record the team song.
Bad News
He wants to play it to us later.
Good News
The Mute button's working OK. (Snodders) Only been once to Loftus Rd, and saw them beaten 6-3 at home by Reading. All I can remember is that it was a warm midweek night and research shows it was 21st Aug 1961.
Bad News
But the window is open and the sound will get through anyway. [Rosie] Mmmm It may have changed a bit since 1961. Heavens we all have! It obviously had a profound effect on you though - to remember it so vividly. If you go again before neat April you will still qualify as a regular though. I get to more away games - living in Leicester (Dont ask).
Good News
It's actually quite good.
Bad News
There is such a thing as damning with faint praise.
Good News
You've gone deaf and can't hear it
Bad News
The angry mob outside your door can.
Good News
Your door is a vortex leading to a magical world of tiny shrimps made from candy and all the women look like Kylie...
Bad News
Kylie is very overrated.
Good News
Not by many people here, I would imagine, or at least hope.
Bad News
Kylies bum wants a trial seperation and a cut of the profits!
Good News
Gordon Brown has not raised the duty on Kylie related products.
Bad News
There is an danger of a KY reference entering the conversation. Slippery customers these Politicians - I should know.
Good News
I think Kirsty Young is a bit of all right. (Snodders) You're not a . . . .? ?
Bad News
She's probably spoken for! [Rosie] I wasn't last time I looked....!!
Good News
She requires so much speaking for, she employs people to deliver her after dinner speeches. [Snodgrass] There's no need to be ashamed you know...;P
Bad News
The next tme she looks, she discovers she is a politican!
Good News
It's not compulsory to vote for her.
Bad News
It's not compulsory to vote. Ooh, controversial.
Good News
Most voters are stupid anyway, so the fewer of them vote the better. Upping the controversy ante...
Bad News
The abstention rate amongst the stupid may be no higher than amongst the intelligent.
Good News
Its Saturday and the politicos are all in their constituencies kissing hands and shaking babies and keeping well off our TV's allowing us to concentrate on the Rugby. Well something like that.
Bad News
Your rugby watching is about to be interrupted by a politician at the door.
Good News
You're a Wales fan, so any excuse to get away is welcome. Controversy re-invoked
Bad News
The politician is from Plaid Cymru, and is very angry at your attitute towards the Welsh team.
Good News
The politician helps you drown your sorrows as the team comes a close second.
Bad News
Its now Monday and he's still here and my single malt has all gone!
Good News
You now have a photo of that politician in a politically compromising position.
Bad News
You're in that photo too.
Good News
But only part of your thumb over the lens, as the rest of your was behind the camera taking the photo.
Bad News
That's not your thumb.
Good News
No one can tell it's not your thumb
Bad News
Everyone can tell that it is your wanger.
Good news
...due to its immense size. (Wishful thinking...)
Bad News
Googolplex was right. It is wishful thinking.
Good News
You are well-trained in the art of doctoring photos.
Bad News
You mistakenly sent the original version to the newspapers.
Good News
It's your wanger and not your face in the photograph, so no-one recognises you.
Bad News
You get analysed by Cosmopolitan's psychic wanger reader, who says you have severe psychological difficulties and are probably bad in bed too. (I am not making this up. It's like palmistry, only not.)
Good News
You have a very nice bookcase in your hallway!
Bad News
It's full of photos of your wanger.
Good News
Rosie is a master of Photoshop Elements (ref Would you welcome please) and can edit the photo to make it look like you weren't there [just like the sixties]
Bad News
This Stalinist-style rewriting of history brings about a totalitarian Communist regime.
Good News
Rosie will be in charge of the totalitarian regime
Bad News
I would have dictator's HQ on my doorstep here in South Croydon. It's true, with Rosie living about 15mins away from me, Croydon would be the centre of a tyrannical dictatorship...
Good News
There would be no detectable change, then, if car-parking charges are anything to go by. (Snodders) What 60's is that? Mine? How dare you? :-)
Bad News
Locomotive technology would be forced to revert to steam.
Good News
Then perhaps the trains would run on time.
Bad News
...well, at least the past could be 'altered' 1984-style so that they had run on time.
Good News
Everything else would return to how it was in 1984 too. Not a bad thing, imho.
Bad News
Thatcher!!!
Good news
Beer is less than a pound a pint in pubs!
Bad News
Thatcher again. I had forgotten about her, I must admit.
Good News
It is 1984 but with a Totalitarian Communist Regime in power. Thatcher is tried in a show trial on TV and is thrown to the lions bringing in the largest TV audience the world has ever seen.
Bad News
... for the lions
Good News
Lions are cool.
Bad News
They prey upon herd animals.
Good News
Humans are herd animals! Yayayay... hang on...
Bad News
Not enough Lions to eat the humans!!
Good News
There are enough lions to eat the stupid ones.
Bad News
You're pretty stupid yourself.
Good News
But not as stupid as GWB [mmm, is that really good news?]
Bad News
The lions are refusing to eat GWB.
Good News
I'm not refusing. Pass the ketchup!
Bad News
That's not ketchup.
i rule!
world inding attack stance.(you will all bouw down to me!)
Good News
This is normally a child-free zone.
Bad News
The trained child attack Lions, are not doing a thorough enough job!
Good News
I've found the real ketchup and am preparing to persue 'death ball'
Bad News
Hes wearing running shoes and has a two-day head start.
Good News
Owing to his unusually low brain power, he's running towards you.
Bad News
The brain is usually the tastiest part. (I'm told, honest, officer)
Good News
Thank goodness I'm not that hungry.
Bad News
...he is.
Good News
I've got the ketchup.
Bad News
He's got the stuff you thought was ketchup earlier, and he's applying it liberally.
Good News
He applying it to himself.
Bad News
watching this makes you feel strangely excited.....
Good News
It's also making you hungry
Bad News
It's making you hungry for things which aren't him.
Good News
Those other things are readily available. You have some with you right now.
Bad News
That doesn't get rid of 'death ball'
Good News
He seems to have toddled off anyway.
Bad News
The rather attractive Condoleezza Rice seems to no longer be a darling of the 'free press'.     Bugger!     :-(
Good News
You still have her tied up in your basement
Bad News
You've got Dick Cheney too.
Good News
They are now at your disposal.
Bad News
Close-up, they're not as attractive as you thought.
Good News
You haven't opened the other sack of squirming bodies yet.
Bad News
The squirming bodies have no heads.
Good News
They are nutritious and delicious.
Bad News
Only if you're an insect.
Good News
Free insect eggs with all meals at Pizza Hut!!
Bad News
Cockroaches purchased at take-away food outlets are deliberately bred sterile in order that customers cannot replicate them at home.
Good News
They go great with sweet and sour dipping sauce.
Bad News
They think you do, too.
Good News
They're right
Bad News
You realise you have forgotten what the hell is going on in the thread of the story, and at the same time are picked up in a big PANDA car by the Police.
Good News
Hooray! The Police have reformed and are going to give a free impromptu concert on this shiny tank (disguised as a panda) you happen to be riding. (See Weird Anime Excel Saga for reference)
Bad News
Sting wants to have tantric sex with you.
Good News
He won't have time, the panda is actually a bomb. ([LotUS] You think Excel Saga is weird, you should see Puni Puni Poemy)
Bad News
The police have their robot bomb diffuser - codename Ropponmatsu - present. [GL] Nah, just giving it's full title. I've seen PPP and was horribly scarred ;) Then I saw the last episode of Excel *sweatdrop*)
Good News
You're still going to get blown up before he can start. [LotUS] The last episode of Excel is odd I'll grant you, but nowhere near as odd as PPP or even Dragon Half or BPS
Bad News
You're going to get blown up before he can start! LotUS] Was that meant to say "scarred"? Or just scared?
Good News
Its that time already, so you pack up and go home!
Bad News
No one can be arsed following my previous posting....ha ha....and the GREYS have landed in Washington DC!!
Good News
I don't know what that means, and I'm very happy about it.
Bad News
Neither does good ole George B........
Good News
... Smith, a Yorkshire paint stripper.
Bad News
He's a raht menace wi' t' blowlamp.
Good News
You've never been within 1000 miles of Yorkshire in your life.
Bad News
You have to spend 6 months in't dales, dipping sheep!!!!
Good News
You have an unusual fondness for sheep.
Bad News (for the sheep)
On a plate.
Good News (for the sheep)
They aren't as compliant as one might expect. Welsh sheepshagger jokes will be treated with the utmost disdain.
Bad News
Welsh sheepshagger jokes will be treated with the utmost disdain.
Good News
Scottish sheepshagger jokes will be most welcome
Bad News
Jokes about Kiwi sheep shaggers are thin on the ground!
Good News
Kiwis in this case are flightless birds
Bad News
I don't think unemployed air stewardesses would like to addressed thus.
Good News
Trolly Dollies keep shares in Avon cosmetics at a Premium! (The amount of foundation sold alone could surface the Pan american highway at least 4 times in 1 year!)
Bad News
In view of the above, they've renamed it the Pan-Stick American Highway. It's surfaced in a shade of American Tan for spring, and has blue mascara'd grasses fringing its verges. Unfortunately it gunks up tyres, wheels and brakes something chronic, and supplies of make-up remover at car-washes all over the US are running at an all-time low.
Good News
You don't live anywhere near it, have no intention of going, and happen to own a huge factory that makes make-up remover.
Bad News
The USA intend to build the Pan global highway followed by the Pan Galactic highway very soon, and the The Vogons have bought shares in both Rimmel and Avon cosmetics!!! Come back Douglas Adams we miss you!!!!!
Good News
You didn't buy "The Salmon of Doubt"
Bad News
Doggy has decided to end the game, as he is looking for a spot to start off a Bad Tempered Mornington Crescent game, and this is the only one he feels he has really played in enough to KILL.
None
*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for st dogmael*
Good News
Well thank god that is over.
Bad News
There's a spate of psychotic sounding WORDS and RAGE out there.
Good News
C**t,Bo***x,Tw*t,F**k................
Bad News
Botox only has one T (though cart, twit and funk were all flawlessly spelled. Keep up the good work!).
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