Once a jolly swagman ****ed by a Billabong Under the shade of a Coolabah tree And he sang as he ****ed and waited till his billy ****ed "Who'll come a-****ing Matilda with me?"

Aaaargh. I mean...

Once a jolly swagman ****ed by a Billabong
Under the shade of a Coolabah tree
And he sang as he ****ed and waited till his billy ****ed
"Who'll come a-****ing Matilda with me?"

Frosty the **** was a jolly happy ****
With a corncob **** and a button **** and two **** made out of coal
Frosty the **** is a fairy**** they say
He was made of ****, but the children know how he came to **** one ****
There must have been some **** in that old **** **** they ****
For when they **** it on his **** he began to **** around
Frosty the **** was a**** as he could be
And the children say he could **** and ****
Just the same as **** and ****
Frosty the **** knew the **** was hot that day
So he said let's ****, and we'll have some fun now before I **** away
Down to the ****, with a **** in his hand,
****ing here and there all around the ****, saying **** me if you can
He **** them down the **** of ****, right to the **** cop, and he only paused a moment when he heard him holler ****
Frosty the **** had to hurry on his way
But he waved ****
Saying don't you ****
I'll be **** again some day
****ty **** ****
****ty **** ****
Look at Frosty go
****ty **** ****
****ty **** ****
Over the **** of ****

Rudolph, the ****-nosed ****
Had a very shiny ****
And if you ever saw it
You would even say **** ****.
All of the other reindeer
Used to **** and call him ****
They never let poor Rudolph
**** in any **** games
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your **** so bright
Won't you **** my **** tonight?"
Then how the reindeer ****ed him
As they shouted out with ****
"Rudolph, the ****-nosed ****
you'll go down **** ****."

I'm dreaming of a **** ****
Just like the ones I used to ****
Where the treetops ****
and children ****
To **** **** **** in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a **** ****
With every **** **** I ****
May your **** be merry and ****
And may all your **** be ****.

*coughs slightly*

Good **** you, merry gentlemen
May nothing you ****.
Remember Christ our Saviour
Was **** on Christmas Day
To save us all from Satan's ****
When we were **** ****
O, **** **** comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
O, **** **** comfort and joy

****!, I need somebody,
****! Not just anybody
****! You know I need someone,
****!

While shepherds wash their **** by night All seated on the **** The **** of the **** came down And passed the **** around

"Will you **** a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail
There's a porpoise close behind us and he's treading on my ****.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all ****** !
They are ******* on the shingle - will you come and join the ***** ?"

If I should ****, think only this of me
There is some **** of a foreign **** that is forever ****.

[I'm really enjoying this ****.]

To **** or not to ****: that is the question.

If ***** be the food of love, **** on,
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting.
The appetite may ***** and so die.

Is this a ****** I see before me?
The ****** toward my hand?
****, let me ****** thee.
I **** thee not, but yet I *** thee still.

**** the world
Let them know it's Christmas time
**** the world
Do they know it's Christmas time **** all?

The quality of **** is not strain'd,
It ****eth as the gentle **** from heaven
Upon the **** beneath: it is twice ****;
It blesseth him that ****s and him that ****s

Like a poor b*ggar ****th on the rich.
Well, whiles I am a ****, I will ****
And say there is to sin but to be ****;
And being ****, my **** then shall be
To say there is no **** but b*ggery.

I can get no remedy against this ****tion of the ****:
****ing only lingers and lingers it out,
but the **** is incurable.

**** comforteth like **** after ****.

Little Jack **** sat in the ****, eating his Christmas *****
He put in a **** and pulled out a ***** and said "What a good **** am I!".

On the **** to Mandalay, where the ****ing fishes ****
and the **** comes up like **** out of **** 'cross the ****.

Blow ****, and **** your cheeks! ****! blow!
You ****s and ****s, spout
Till you have drench'd our ****, ****'d the cocks!
You sulphurous and ****-executing ****s,
****-couriers to ****-cleaving thunderbolts,
**** my white ****! And thou, ****-shaking ****,
**** flat the thick rotundity o' the ****!
Crack nature's ****, and **** spill at ****,
That **** **** man!

Thinkin' bout the time you ***** in my car,
Thinkin' that I might have ***** you too far,
Then I'm thinkin' about the **** that you laid on my table....
I told you not to ****** around in the dark,
I told you 'bout the ***** that **** in the park,
Then I told you 'bout our *** now he's ********** Mabel....

Yes I told that the ****** go up-and-down,
Don't you notice how the ****** go round.
And you better pick your **** up off the ground,
Before they ***** the ******* down.
Yes before they ***** the ******* down.

****ing 'bout a girl that ***** quite like you.
She didn't have the **** to **** in the queue.
She ***** away her **** since she fell off the ******.

Rumble thy ****! Spit, ****! Spout, ****!
Nor ****, wind, ****, f*** **** my daughters:
I **** not you, you ****, with unkindness;
I never gave you ****, call'd you ****,
You owe me no ****: then let f***
Your **** pleasure: here I **** your ****,
A poor, infirm, weak, and despised old ****:
But yet I call you **** ****,
That have with two **** daughters ****'d
Your high ****'d **** 'gainst a ****
So **** and **** as this. O! O! 'tis f***!