I see a long, happy game full of daftly specific horoscopes, which will be won by Blob at about teatime on an overcast Thursday, with a move involving Thick Cut Seville Orange Marmalade.
Tomorrow is a good day for stopping and thinking, which is a pity since your lack of activity will result in the destruction of the known universe by your arch enemy.
Your long striving for pop music success will finally bear fruit this evening at about 7:36pm when you will perform "Day Drem Believer" at your favourite karaoke bar and remember almost 70% of the lyics. The applause will be enthusiastic but sparse. Next time, remember to invite more relatives. just bringing in another astrological tradition since we've kind of done the Zodiac
Today is a great day for sea-goats ! You will get a date for the excision of your ingrowing toenail, you will find a faience brooch in your cutlery drawer, and you will see a vision of Mother Theresa of Calcutta in TESCO's car park. Avoid butter until Tuesday however. Your lucky electronic component is the electrolytic capacitor.
Today is a good day. After a siege of eight months, you will finally capture the city of Saguntum, thereby breaking the Ebro River treaty, and precipitating the Second Punic War. Your best bet is to march into Gaul, before assembling a force of war elephants and attacking Rome from over the Alps. Avoid Libyssa. Your lucky presocratic is Heraclitus.
You have an abundance of caring of other people, share this gift with those that seek the pleasure of work. Do not clean up after yourself today, others shall take enjoyment from tidying your unruly mess and washing your most honourable dirty cups. Their industry will bring you tranquility of enlightenment.
Life is never smooth. The chunky texture of your life right now has a vinegary aftertaste which may not be to your liking. However, rest assured there will be a sweet taste of success, which is sure to be yours to relish at leisure once you have managed to get the lid off. Just don't look too closely at the label.
Before you go, remind too distant exterior on a leg you of it that you receive, in order to backwards finally culminate. They saved the premium for the end, and is it maintains ages. Begin the music and observe their might those have written to dance. Passion? Luck? Novel? Not, not really.
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You will be the butt of forty-eight distinct jokes made by fellow musicians, at least two of whom shall be trombonists. You shall then get together with three of your number, get into a mini and drive in the direction of the nearest cliff. Having overshot, someone on the cliff edge will shout "You could have got five of them in easily".
Today is a good day to follow your chosen star. Be prepared for a walk in the park, the bush by the southern entrance will provide ample cover. Should there be shopping, beware of cameras and security. It has been a week since you last made contact, make up for lost time send three cards and phone twice. Tommorrow the police will come for you after breakfast.
This card speaks of dark secrets and vicious rumour. Looks like it's true about Mr Fisher, then -- right there in the cafeteria, apparently! Probably best to eat elsewhere today.
You will be involved in a ferocious bidding war today, but ten pence really is too much for the Mills & Boon so I'd let Mrs Tinker have it if I were you. Mind the loose paving stone on the way out of the church hall, though - you don't want to go ruining your new tights with only having worn them a week! Do pop in to see Mr Hedges at the butcher's; he's got a nice Cumberland sausage in this week, or so he says. I thought he was from Manchester.
Hmm, I knew there was a reason I preferred Earl Grey.
Caramac is ascending in Starbucks this evening, and so you should expect to read your own obituary in The Times. You will have an unaccountable craving for Weetabix at 3:10 pm. Your lucky condiment is mustard.
Your phrenological review indicates substantial external bruising in the areas of 'self esteem' and 'kindness' by an unknown assailant whilst you wait for the No57, which will be late for the second time this week and its only Wednesday, while you are reading thi....
When you are woken by the bus driver you will have lost 10 minutes, your mobile phone and your bus fare home. Enjoy the walk.
Today you will face destruction by Mumm-Ra for the thirtieth tedious time. Working close with a friend or loved one will bring the battle-tank into play at just the right time. Be mindful of wily-kit who might lead wily-kat astray and into a dangerous situation. Snarf. Your lucky ability is being able to run very fast indeed.
You can try the best you can, the best you can is good enough. You're living in a fantasy world. Take the money and run. You can keep the furniture. Where'd you park the car? Cut the kids in half. Everyone wants to be your friend. I think you're crazy, maybe. Stop sending letters, letters always get burned. When i am king you will be first against the wall, with your opinion which is of no consequence at all. Ambition makes you look very ugly. Breathe keep breathing, don't lose your nerve. There are doors that let you in and out, but never open. But they are trapdoors that you can't come back from. Ambition makes you look very ugly.
Another rather predictable month. You will hurtle through space, orbiting a giant ball of gas. You will continue to be composed of Hydrogen and Helium, have a density of 0.69 g/cm3 and remain surrounded by rings composed of thousands of water ice particles. Later this week you will move into Capricorn, but it's unlikely you'll feel the benefit.