A scanning basket is the latest timesaving supermarket idea which scans the shopping as they are placed in the basket and a running total appears on the handle. It will also scan the shelves and direct you to the special offers and when you reach the checkout it scans your retina and wallet and deducts the amount from your bank account. The trial was discontinued after the baskets were stacked together and went into a neverending loop charging Tesco £28Billion for a small pack of strawberries.

Slipping Toffee tasty or what?

Um while I don't know about slipping toffee could someone explain Frognal twitching to me? I'll get back to the toffee later.

Slipping toffee - only tasty if you get away with it. It was a disparaging term invented around the "Cash for Questions" kind of time - it referred to the brown envelopes of money which bore a passing resemblance to the paper bags which the older politicians remembered taking their pocket-money toffee home in, and the underhand delivery of said envelopes between those involved became known by their disapproving colleagues as "slipping toffee".

Frognal twitching is the state of frustration experienced by a man when he thought he would be invited in by his new girlfriend after walking her home. Related to the expression Finchley Road and Frognal, meaning a couple who are (or are presumed to be) having sexual relations.

What is Double Bassooning?

Apart from painful?

Double Bassooning is a variation on breaking wind similar to "stepping on a duck" whereby one breaks wind on each stride but in this instance two people are involved with one playing the counter melody. An attempt by the Coldstream guards to achieve this on mass was the highlight of the 1964 Trooping the Colour.

Tricycle Ointment can it be trusted to do the job?

Trinity Ointment might well do the job of Tricycle Ointment. The latter is a lubricating and emollifying material for smoothing the axle of the Three Great Turnings of the Wheel of the Dharma; put more prosaically, it is an anti-haemorrhoid cream for monks who must spend many hours sitting in meditation.

Where might one see a Manchester Gallop?

Prefixing a Face Pyjama with the word Manchester traditionally coarsens the thing described. For example "I unscrewed it with a Manchester Spanner" means you used a Hammer. "I knocked it back into place with a Manchester Hammer" means you kicked it, and so on. So, a "Manchester Gallop" must mean one of those stumbling runs with random reels to one side or the other and frequent collisions with road furniture that are popularised by the consumers of Strong Drink.

Portsmouth Kettle

The use of the word Portsmouth in a Face Pyjama is very similar to the use of the word Manchester above. It is used to describe something that is unutterably dull. Obviously a Portsmouth Kettle either needs a good polish or lacks charisma.

But what are Budgerigar Trousers?