On day one He made dark and made light Next three days: earth, sea, trees and stars bright Fish and birds on day five Six made man and beasts live Then He paused as He thought "That's alright!"
There once was a lady called Chalky Who I spoke to on my walkie-talkie She said, "Hello Rosie" I said "Don't be dozy" "You really wanted old Uncle Korky."
I’m stuck with my Siamese twin When he’s going out then I’m coming in He was screwing this miss And of course got all bliss But I just got blisters on my foreskin.
Timon gave all his money away So his debts he could no longer pay His friends all proved false So he left Athens' walls And struck gold, but then died anyway.
Eve was the apple of Adams eye, And he was so fond of apple pie, When the snake one day said: Eat that pie - you'll be dead He ate all, now he’s dead, and that’s why...
“I use a naughty lim’rick diet To enhance my libido at night; Helps the ol’ blood flow too,” Endorsed Mr. MaGoo, “And it’s done wondrous things for my sight.”
There now follows a sad tale of poor customer service in the Himalayas: I once met an ill-tempered yak Who configured my girlfriend's new Mac He charged twenty quid For all that he did But I think I want fifteen quid back.
One might think that Will's lost the plot Milk freezes yet crabs sizzle hot As Love's Labour ends Drear 'Winter' attends And greasy Joan still keels the pot
On the moor a green lantern glows, Midst heather's scent the cold sea breeze blows, Waves were a crashin’ The clans be a clashin’ The mist lift and gray daylight grows...
More religion (Luke's version, rearranged, for assisted brevity!). Fourth line scansion is a little forced, but does fit: Our father, we hallow your name Your Kingdom will come, we proclaim, Our daily bread feed us To temptation don't lead us Forgive sins, as we forgive same.
Her eyes are not much like the sun Her breasts are not white but mere dun Flutes make finer sound Her feet tread on the ground But the truth is, for me she's the one.
The Nostromo has answered a cry Of distress, but it turns out a lie A horrible monster Wreaks havoc upon her But Ripley wins with her last try. There's an alien monster on board! It's just one of a hideous horde! It's picking us off So hide and don't cough! Someone does, and the rest all get gored. The xenomorph's with us again! At a prison camp full of tough men! Ripley kills it, then leaves But an egg gives her heaves And the xenomorph's with us again! It's been resurrected again! And again and again and again! They break out and fight Ripley deals with her plight As they kill all her team yet again.
Did the xenomorphs die in that crash? To believe it might be rather rash For if there's a way That a new film will pay To the hills you had better all dash.
The Apocalypse comes, by these signs The breaking of seals seven times Seven trumpets shall blast Seven bowls shall be cast A new heaven and earth to refine.
Earth to earth, ash to ash, dust to dust All come thus, so be not nonplussed When judgement comes round And the Last Trump shall sound Let us hope, meanwhile die all we must.A bit catchier than the usual rite.
Once a year Jolly Old Saint Nick Will perform an astonishing trick How it’s done no one knows Except Mom and it shows ‘Cause she’s got her own private Dick.
Almost five years ago... Chalky - In order to find my religion Marc - I launched my best trained homing pigeon irach - She returned in a day Software - To show me the way CdM - To Mecca. She erred by a smidgeon
Almost four years ago... Software - It's Friday, let's go to the pub Simons Mith - For a beer and a B.L.T. sub penelope - A packet of nuts irach - And chicks with great butts Marc - In the crowd we may get a good rub?
Almost three years ago... Raak - Nngh Naouwfaouwk vaey aouw taouwk woik vif "In Norfolk they all talk like this" Rosie - Whaa'? Even 'ng pahsh taoüns loike Diff? "What? Even in posh towns like Diss?" KagomeShuko - Jeg vil prøve å lære det "I'd try to learn it" Marc - Fast jag är en analfabet "Though I am an analphabit" Éirinn go Brách - Póg mo thóin! Tá mo bhríste trí thine! "Kiss my ass! My trousers are burning like this"
Almost two years ago... Kim - "Take care as you go up that ladder", Raak - "And more HSA yadda-yadda" Rosie - "At all times beware" Marc - " 'cause our lousy health care" cfm - "Won't clean up the blood that you spatter."