When in Japan, if you can't speak Japanaese, just make a lot of noises along the lines of "hwa-takko-intakki-makazuki-imporrrrto-thwanka" and they will be most impressed with your attempts to learn their language.

By wedging a whole banana into my cheeks, gabbling meaninglessly and gesticulating with gay abandon, I have often convinced onlookers that I am particularly glad to be Welsh.

Vegetarians are only posing. They eat meat privately when no one else is around.

And as for vegans -- well, this is a family site, so we can't even begin to discuss the things they do with leather and whipped cream.

Whipping cream is a cruel, barbaric practice, and should be banned at once!

What consenting dairy products do in the privacy of their own refrigerators is their own business.

I was going to make a joke about the cheesy nature of the previous posting, but I shall not.

Pimms is best served on a bed of lettuce leaves.

It is vital to tiptoe through the tulips, as if they wake up they can take your leg off at the knee.

Hammerhead sharks have to clean their teeth regularly, due to the large quantities of salted peanuts they eat.

Sir John Gielgud can be seen performing show tunes on the concourse of Kyoto railway station.

Coffee isn't really from a plant. No-one would drink it if they knew how they really made it.

Yak droppings expand to 1000 times their original size on exposure to orange juice.

Ibid works in the same coffee factory as me. He is responsible for looking after the Yaks.

[pook] That's gnus to me!

Everyone appreciates a gnu pun.

... even if they've herd it before.

Another bovine pun right here!

What a fun day at work I've had today. Can't wait until tomorrow!