...would've been a worse option.

Trigonometry is all about sin and secs.

The invention of the car owes very much to the development of the hubcap which was first patented in 1789 and then stoodly idly for a century of so until somebody scraped off the rust and invented something for it to go on.

There are 36 species of cat including the tiger, the Iberian lynx and the caterpillar.

Because of an administrative error, the Kingdom of God is unable to admit anyone this week so anyone who dies must go to Hell, where they will be entitled to file an application to be considered for admission through the pearly gates.

Applicants are encouraged to do this before next year, when a strict quota system for immigrants and asylum seekers will be inaugurated, drastically cutting down on the number of entrants into Heaven.

Those who find themselves wrongly sent to Hell can expect an apology from the Prime Minister. In about 20 years time.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into 10 Downing Street.

crapping is a sin

I've spent the last week on a boat. No swans attacked me.

I invented hens.

But I have the patent!

My real name is Jeremiah Disgruntled.

Ritual stoning of persons named Hywel was only banned in Flintshire in 1976. A loophole remains, however, so all you Gwilym's best steer clear of Mold.

Kentucky Fried Chicken are considering a move into more upmarket territory. Their new chains of restaurants serving deep fried meats from the Asian subcontinent will reportedly bear the slogan "It's finger Ling-Ling good".

Another proposal from KFC is a combination of psychoanalysis and fried chicken. With a free Rorshach (sp?) test with each Family Bucket, Kentucky Freud Chicken's slogan is to be "It's motherfucking good".

[/lie] guess what *I* had for dinner??? [lie]

[nights] [/lie] Magic mushrooms? Oh and thanks for the dinner + seduction invitation by the way. I'll get there about 8pm, ok?[lie]

Automatic word-wrapping was invented by Macy's department store in the depression when people could not afford to buy tangible items as gifts but could afford 2¢ to have a special word done up in ribbons and paper for a loved one.

This custom gave rise to the expression "Waal thass mah two censs wath", commonly abbreviated to the semi-mandatory "Just my $0.02" after fatuous and irrelevant comments in modern e-communications.

I definetly didn't type this- honest

neither did I type this.

[pen] [/lie] you never turned up! crushed! [lie]

This is definitely nights typing this.

I'm sure I'm Projoy. I might also be stehvelo though. I'm not sure.

I am dead. [nights] You aren't the first to be crushed like a snail under the heal of Penelope's boot. We had a romantic e-date on MCiOS for V-Day that she stood me up on. So have no sympathy when she posts about her latest failed romance - it's all a trap to lure us poor unfortunates into her twisted web of torture...

Being in a Rag Cabaret and not knowing the dance for the finale because we weren't able to be in the rehearsal is tremendous fun and really gives you a feeling of superiority

Sticky, wilful computer mouses are good for calming oneself down ([/lie]'mouses' in this context is in fact grammatically correct [lie]

It was my idea to make car windscreens transparent- before 1936 all windscreens were made from vinegar and rope, and presented many difficulties in ascertaining if the wipers were functioning correctly, nevermind actually driving.

Contrary to popular belief, the Seoul Tower is not the tallest builing in the world- The tallest building is infact my house. Not instantly obvoius, my apparent 'bungelow' has been constructed in a 800 metre deep pit, the lower 399 floors are of soil/bedrock construction, with the top floor being of brick and wax

People in wax houses should never light candles.

pen, I'm in love with your strict machine.

In an unprecedented deal, tube station Queens Park, formerly on the Bakerloo line, has been signed for £7m to join the Docklands Light Railway. It is hoped that the legendary station will restore the fortunes of DLR both in the all-Underground champions' league and the Limehouse Under-5 basketball challenge.

Ironically, Pinocchio after becoming a real boy, joined the Italian army: Being hurt in the first world war, he ended up with a wooden leg.

Apart from tranparent car windscreens, I also invented the cup handle. Early experiments in 1976, which involved carving prototypes from ice proved rather successful, but when production commenced in India in 1980 an alternative material was sourced. For 14 years all subsequent cup handles were constructed form grass cuttings. In 1994 I successfully established a method of attaching the handle to the cup. An unbelievable tale of how two seemingly unrelated inventions can be combined to produce a really useful containment vessel for hot brown liquids.

Pelgis is lying. I actually invented the cup handle (and attachment technique) in 1972, but the patent office refused my submission on the grounds I was only 5 years old.

I've only ever had a patent refused once- and it was on the grounds of Windsor Castle

Keith Barron (David Pearce in BBC classic comedy 'Duty Free') had the outstanding ability to respire using oxygen derived from the breakdown of water molecules using his hair. This enabled him to spend lengthy periods underwater without surfacing. Unfortunatley he also produced vast quantities of hydrogen as a by-product, and was responsible for a number of explosions in the South Yorkshire area.

Conclusive evidence that pelgis is making this up as he goes along. Everyone knows "Duty Free" wasn't on the BBC. It was on CNN.

I was going to be a ballerina but they didn't like my attitude.

I eat dinner plates.

It was revealed in last night's Evening Post that 'First Avon and Somerset' is an anagram of 'We want to hurt every resident in the Bath area personally'.