Dear Client of the National Westminister Bank, Whilst we update our systems, we earnestly urge you to provide your data by clicking on the link below otherwise your access will be blocked and all your account can be frozen. http://www.natwest.net/theftofyourmoney/mugs.stm We thank you for your cooperation.
Sir, This eez a genuine letter from the former head of the Treasury of the East African state of Umbongoland. Terrible tradgey has hit our mighty country as we are now being ruled by a cruel dictator –. Before this evil man took power from our glorious Presidente I managed to divert $12m from our vaults for the use of our freedom fighters. Not is it possible for me to pay to my bank account of my own, so it is with gratitude I am asking for access to your credit card so we may liberate the money. In return of this gratious deed I agree for you to keep 10%. Please send detrail to: Wewill Conju at my temporary offices – Expresso Comfort Inns, PO Box 123, Nigeria.
8mm plywood makes a yummy alternative to cardboard as a sandwich filling in emergency culinary situations....Jamie Oliver makes a good alternative "Twat" when the guest chef you booked to cook your dinner party fails to turn up!
I have just returned from seeing my local doctor about a small problem which has been bothering me for years. When I left he was still on the floor laughing.
Skip bins are wonderful things, especially when you have about 10 tonnes of 'stuff' to move and they drop it at the top of your 1:4 driveway. This is also a great way to keep fit and in no way manner or form will threaten your wellbeing.
This is a message from the Central Line information centre - London Underground is happy to announce that a good service is being operated across all lines this morning. Click.
Why are people suprised that we are having frosts and "cold spells" at this time of year...........This is Manchester not Manila!!!!! Its supposed to be cold at this time of year. I blame it on the namby pamby winters of the last 10 years making people soft. I'm glad that the government have finally realised that winters should be cold, its nice to see them getting something right for once....................................
Because some twit in the Bureau of Meteorology pressed the wrong conversion button it snowed in Sydney yesterday, even though the temperature was 31°C.
*bing bong* "First Avon and Somerset are pleased to inform all bus passengers within the Bath city area that all drivers will now be pleased to accept bus passes in any condition, no matter how battered or dogeared. That is all." (click)
Thank you for calling . . . your call is important to us, you are held in a queue and will be answered shortly . . . [girl from ipanema 20 second loop] . . .Thank you for calling . . . your call is important to us, you are held in a queue and will be answered shortly . . . [girl from ipanema 20 second loop]...Thank you for calling . . . your call is important to us, you are held in a queue and will be answered shortly . . . [girl from ipanema 20 second loop]........ click, "Hello, customer ser...click ooooooooooooooo
Having only ever owned manually driven vehicles and wishing to keep up with current technology I decided the other day to try an automatic. They aren't.
Every seventh summer, all colours of the spectrum rotate one to the left (red becoming orange, orange becoming yellow, etc.). Adapt your wardrobe accordingly - preferably light cottons and knits. bonus points for spotting the quote - I'd love it if someone got it.
A herd of wildebeest just swept across my bedroom on their way to the bathroom. When the weather changes they will stampede back to the lounge, forcing me to stop watching the TV and go and have a bath.
No they haven't - aha another fluffy animal gone! News in - Microsoft have just released Windows [95/98/me/2000/xp - delete as appropriate] which is a much more stable platform than the previous operating system.