Gerundive verb forms must not be taken orally.

Monounsaturated fats are available in stereo to those who ask.

The lumber trade is so named for the back rests which used to manufactured from log halves.

Australia is in fact a really, really, really big Island. Built up over millions of years by tiny ants belonging to the genus Saratulia....The Isle of Man(n)was built by a species of Celtic sea frogs who have long been extinct!!!

I am deeply shocked by Dunx' flagrant use of the word "thrussock" in a public place, without at least some attempt to cover it up.

Europe is always sunny and warm.

'Sunny and warm' in this context, should be taken as relative to the rest of the known universe.

Several types of cheese are actually made from formica, rather than milk.

Sunny and Warm were the real names of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

The new craze sweeping old London town is window-collecting. All you need is a hammer, a masonry chisel and something to carry your collected windows in, like a wheelbarrow. Trade your windows with your friends. See if you can get a really big one intact out of a wall. Score high for windows from famous locations, like Windsor Castle, or for particularly large examples of plate-glass. One 11 year old boy from St. Ruperto's School for the Clinically Obese has already collected an impressive seven thousand three hundred and twenty-seven windows.

If you walk fast enough, you can steer the world's rotation, just like a performing dog on a beach ball.

Mediaeval stonework is best marinaded overnight in a lime and strawberry compote then served with a mixture of red meats and old kid gloves.

The arms of the Ulster Unionist party is a opposum rampant on a field of pink shamrocks.

It is a little known fact that having more than enough often decreases

Physicists are now entertaining a notion called 'String Theory' suggesting that at the smallest point matter is actually composed of spagetti hoops. These 'strings' of puree saturated pasta composites exist in many dimensions. Being means Heinz.

The best way to entertain a notion is to take it to a lacrosse match.

Toad-in-the-hole is a small village located on the Island of Maphbian off the coast of North wales. Legend has it that on New years eve the spirit of Bobby Davro rises from the sea, and walks the lanes around the village looking for Kebabs!

Orson Wells has a twin brother, Tonbridge, who is the undisputed 7 times world champion at Nine Mens Morris.

The singular form of steroid is monoid, but they only work half as well. So are little used!

The heat resistant (or not!) tiles on the NASA space shuttles are made of the same compound as Wheatabix......Nice with milk n sugar but not at a gazzilion degrees!!

King Henry II ruled with an iron tongue.

On average, salads and wallpaper are interchangeable.

I love being kept awake from 3am till dawn on the day the clocks go forward by a child being sick and needing four entire changes of laundry.

Cupid, as well as being the Roman god of love had a sideline as a chartered surveyor.

All things being equal, plateau is a high form of flattery.

If you roll your eyes around far enough [backwards] there is a decipherable code imprinted on the inside of your skull that clearly warns you Not to do that!

I don't think I'm in love right now. I shall give no further details.

[Dr Q] NASCAR, CART and F1 teams are like that. They are so busy tuning things to the n^th degree that life passes them by.      ;-)

I am not still recovering from my car accident on March 12. I find I love the flashbacks and the sore ribs. More people, like the person who hit me, should go through red lights.

Tina comes across in print as a most forgiving and understanding person. ... Sorry, Tina.      ;-)

That sorry was obviously not a lie... Sorry Dujon ;)

Tuj's 'sorry' to Duj which followed Duj's 'sorry' to Tina, which rhymes and scans perfecty, has begun a chain of apologies that may well be perceived as the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I'm the sharpest knife in the box.

I have never sworn on the Bible nor in the canteen. </lie>   Sorry, Tina.      :-(  <lie>

The zodiac sign Pisces has had to be closed for repairs. New babies will not be issued with the sign until at least 2009.

The safest way to shelter from a nuclear blast is to hide in a drawer full of spoons. I'm about to destruct test this theory. Sorry everyone.

George W. Bush's favourite class when he was a schoolboy was math. One day, he was having fun working out logarithms with a sharp pencil when a villainous gang broke into the classroom and set about obliterating everything in the class room using nothing but moist g-strings. Ever since that fateful day, George has been determined to ensure that the world is free from wet thongs of math destruction.

[Btd] That's old and frankly uncalled-for. WMD puns are decidedly unfunny.

Like this one.
Dubya's twin daughters, Barbara & Jenna, have announced they are getting married to two guys they met while on an ale-fueled bender. The President is investigating these potential Weddings of Bass Consumption.

DrQu+xum] I am extremely upset by your rude responses to my postings. You obviously have no willy and a face like a pug chewing a condom.

how do you play this game

[Allan] Not by stating blatant or moderate lies as fact, that's for certain. < / lie > although in fairness to myself, he's probably gone by now. < lie >

Allan left due to the immense quantity of polar bear porn on this site.

Allan, if you've returned here by some grave misjudgement, I would like to point you to my own personal site, http://uk.groups.yahhoo.com/groop/polarbearporn. I imagine you should find what you are looking for there.

Estate agents never make a penny

Fact The grim reaper is not so grim! He is infact, quite happy in his work, and often whistles a jolly tune while working.

Jethro Tull was the inventor of the seed drill. This device allowed farmers to drill tiny holes in seeds the purpose of which remains a mystery even to this day! He also invented rock music.....

Ian Anderson was the inventor of farmed salmon, standing on one leg and flute playing at jazz festivals!!!