I have never sworn on the Bible nor in the canteen. </lie>   Sorry, Tina.      :-(  <lie>

The zodiac sign Pisces has had to be closed for repairs. New babies will not be issued with the sign until at least 2009.

The safest way to shelter from a nuclear blast is to hide in a drawer full of spoons. I'm about to destruct test this theory. Sorry everyone.

George W. Bush's favourite class when he was a schoolboy was math. One day, he was having fun working out logarithms with a sharp pencil when a villainous gang broke into the classroom and set about obliterating everything in the class room using nothing but moist g-strings. Ever since that fateful day, George has been determined to ensure that the world is free from wet thongs of math destruction.

[Btd] That's old and frankly uncalled-for. WMD puns are decidedly unfunny.