You lyin' get! I don't believe you. In any case, I'm here to tell you that I've been appointed to the task of choosing the ladies for next year's Pirelli Calendar. Any suggestions, while I hear the likes of Rosie et al, seething with jealousy?
I tire of hearing about Pirelli impersonators, Angus, but it sounds like you're on a roll. Here's a true story though, I swear. The other day I ordered a twelve inch Marguerita with thin topping, and it was delivered by a welshman with a receding hairline. That's what you get for ringing Dai Allopecia.
I have both a right shower and a left shower. This saves time and water in the mornings, as if one side of me is clean I only need shower the other side.
the merger of the Probation and Prison Service will finally eliminate all offending behaviour as we know it; to the extent that people will no longer blabber on pointlessly to eachother in shop doorways just as you are trying to exit/enter (delete as applicable) in stylish haste.