I also tried being an attendant on the QE2, but I missed the boat.

I switched then to selling face make up, but the work was so stressful, I took a powder.

My boyfriend ran into some trouble with the law and took a job on a sheep farm. He finally left because he didn't want them to know he was on the lam.

Then he worked bottling apertifs, but was terminated for excessive absinthe.

I used to work as a flaggelator, necrophiliac and bestialist, until I realised I was just flogging a dead horse.

I then became an army bandsman, but they let me go because (they said) I was marching to the beat of a different drum.

I also tried being a tyre salesman, but now I'm on the skids.

I used to sell DIY equipment, but I throw a spanner in the works by getting hammered, completely plastered. It was a wrench to leave. I felt I was left on the shelf. I saw myself being screwed by the job market. Luckily I got a new job and can paint myself a better future.

I thought I would do well in the undertaking business, but I was passed over for promotion.

I once owned a shoe store. Since I couldn't really give myself the boot, I decided it'd be best if I just soled out.

I had a job installing traffic calming measures but eventually I got the hump.

I had a job on a wind farm but I blew it.

I used to be in charge of the hairdryers at the local salon, but I sucked.

I was Jonny Wilkinson's stunt double, but when I got injured my dreams were kicked into touch.

I so have not run out of puns for this game.

I worked for a while in a chemist's shop, but they dispensed with my services.

I spent a little time as a jobbing artist, until I drew my last pay packet.

I bought a veterinarian practice, but closed it down when I found I'd been sold a pup.

Moving on I became an orchardist, but that turned out to be a lemon.