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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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I was a vascular surgeon, but wanted to try something in a different vein.
I worked in a diet pill factory until I was downsized.
I used to work in a footwear shop until one day I got the boot.
I studied to be an airline pilot, but my career never got off the ground.
I was involved in cloning research...then I was made redundant.
I worked in a clearing house for dud cheques until I resigned.
I had a job making cannons for tanks until I was discharged.
I quit my job at Mountaineer Race Track & Casino ... too much Wheeling and dealing.
I used to make sausage...then one day I was sent packing.
I was a pool hustler until I was blackballed.
I was a fence-builder until I was shown the gate.
I used to be a mountain climber, but I quit in a fit of peak.
I used to be a human cannonball, but they wouldn't fire me, so I lost my job. :)
I used to be a zooological keeper, but there were claws in my contract that led to my release.
I was hoping for promotion at the mail order apple seed company, but I was pipped to the post.
In desperation I took a job in a bakery. I just needed the dough.
I worked bottling natural water, but lost my job in the spring.
[Tina] But did you really knead the dough?
I lost my job as a medium when I went through a bad spell.
I used to drill for oil, but it got too boring.
Then I became a spy, but the work bugged me.
I also looked after a herd of deer, but the job paid badly. I didn't have two bucks to rub together.
[Boolbar] I'm sure the bucks wouldn't have appreciated being rubbed together either....
I used to be the gasman for a local stock car team, but that was the pits.
When I was in kennels, the company went broke and had to call in the retrievers.
I auditioned for the starring role in a documentary on a American quarterback-turned-politician, but I was rejected because of my un-Kemp appearence.
I used to be a dustman, but the job was rubbish.
Then I became a chef, but the job wasn't all it was cooked up to be.
[BtD] When I worked in kennels, I made such a mess of things they told me to go take a long walk.
Then I joined an athletics club, but I was so terrible at the field events, they told me to go take a running jump.
Back in high school, I was on the cross-country team until I was given my walking papers.
None of the above were hilarious. I hate them all. They are not classic online Mornington Crescent.
I used to work in a glue factory, but I couldn't stick with it.
On a similar line, I applied to be a lumberjack, but I just didn't cut it.
I used to be a Spice Girl.
I used to be a drag queen, but I dropped out.
I worked in a spice factory, but couldn't cut the mustard.
I tried road paving once, but didn't make the grade.
I used to drive a cement lorry, but gave it up because I wanted something more concrete.
I became a partner in a building firm, but the other guy screwed me over and bolted.
I worked in a fireworks factory, but the work fizzled out.
I used to be a terrible songwriter until I composed myself.
I was once going to be Chief Photographer for the local rag and was rather disappointed when the editor told me I was no longer in the picture.
I took up a job with a bra manufacturer but they went bust.
I tried to get work as a network security analyst, but I just couldn't hack it.
After that, I considered a job at Planters, but they make you work for peanuts.
[DrQ] "made redundant" -- brilliant!
I lost my job in meat refrigeration after the company I worked for relocated to the West Midlands and I was sent to Coventry and given the cold shoulder.
I was once a barker but I left of my own free will - it's a dog of a job.
I too worked under the big top, but it was a three ring circus.
I used to work for a removal firm, but I just felt boxed in.
I went on to be a chef, but they caught me cooking the books
So I moved on to take a couple of jobs in the circus, but I just couldn't keep juggling them all.
I then took up sports - tennis, basketball, squash etc, - but it was just too many balls in the air.
I tried working as a dream analyst, but it was just a nightmare.
I took up interior decorating, but I got plastered
Then I tried being a trawlerman, but there was just something fishy about it.
I was doing watch repairs for a while. At first it went like clockwork, but then I got ticked off.
My stint in a paper perforating shop ended when I was sacked for being a tearaway.
Min you, not as bad as being sacked from that brass band for blowing my own trumpet.
I had to quick as a sheep castrator because... well, it was just bollocks.
Ahem... I mean, I had to quit as a sheep castrator because... well, it was just bollocks.
After my unsuccessful stint at the fairground I became a seamstress, but someone stitched me up.
My last job as a Cartesian philosopher was going well, but my boss started thinking less of it until it no longer existed.
Before that, I sold turkeys until my company was gobbled up.
Before that, I was a navigator for Nocturne Airlines. It didn't last long since it was such a fly-by-night operation.
Many years ago I used to work for a magician, but he disappeared.
Before that (I've done a lot in my 87 years on this planet, among others) I was a tester for Viagra. The job grew on me, but eventually my workload plummeted.
My first job was with a maritime salvage company - I even bought shares in the company - but I left when they were delisted. sorry!
I used to think I had my career all mapped out when I trained as a cartographer, but that, too, folded.
I was a video editor, but I just couldn't cut it.
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