*jangling chord* NOBODY expects Santa Claus! Our two weapons are our sinister laugh *HO HO HO* and our menacing red cloak -- and our minute record of all your sins... Our three weapons...
Among our multiple and diverse weapons of terror are these: our sinister laugh *HO HO HO*, our menacing red cloak with the furry bits, our record of your sins, our knobbly sack, and our little elves. Will you confess now, or must we play you -- THE JINGLE BELLS! *evil maniacal laughter*
Charity to the poor? But I don't understand this. What's in it for us? We need to be maximising our yield, here, not giving the green stuff away! Who hired this nincompoop?
We need to reexamine our basic brand proposition, and establish new conversations that let our customers talk directly to us. I've hired Mr. Wormwood here from Screwtape.com to create opportunities to enable new user-centred engagement modes and collectively emergent reevaluation of traditional doctrine. To keep up to date on these exciting developments, subscribe to my blog, and read the new College of Cardinals wiki.
(I am delighted to record that rab's spam-detector turned up its nose at that until I invoked the name of our patron saint.)
We need to make the services more relevant to young people of today. How about this? "Asch nazg durbatuluk! Asch nazg gimbatul! Asch nazg thrakatuluk! Agh burzum-ishi krimpatul!" Doesn't that have a ring to it? Much better than all that boring old Latin.
The Vatican's primary purpose is of course sexual. It is a graphic representation of the phallic power of the Catholic Church. [nfras] You forgot Arse!