To protect my face from the constant heat of the forge I wear this "leather" facemask I ran off from some offcuts I had from another...project. Why don't I you my hammer collection? It's in this cupboard. You go ahead and I'll follow you into the nice dark cupboard full of hammers. Big, heavy hammers. That's right...

Do you have a lighter hammer?

Actually, I prefer to be called an 'ethnicsmith'.

[Try saying that three times fast, especially if you have false teeth.]

Actually, I wanted to be a tunesmith, but my GCSE's weren't up to scratch.

"Alas! Foiled, my sweet pickanini! It is indeed shoe polish and I am a WHITE Smith."

You know, I still haven't worked out how to shoe pastry...

"I used to be a chef, but I couldn't stand the heat."

Metalwork is overrated, look at my Macramé

My new line of Sodium horseshoes are easier to fashion to shape, but the quenching is a right bugger.

are/is. Whatever.

Hey, get that dirty great horse out of my smithy! And don't come back!

No, no, no -- it's bad luck to put the shoes on that way round.

"Would you like for me to shoe your wife?"

Ah, Sarah-Jessica, if you'd just like to slip off those Manolo Blahniks...

"I had that Princess Anne in the back of the forge, once."

*Whang! Whang! Whang! Squelch* Aaaarrrrgghh!
*Whang! Whang! Whang! Squelch* Aaaarrrrgghh!

How about

---

Nuclear Physicist

No Nukes!

[Raak] Reminds me of the 'Liberal Call' used in Berke Breathed's Bloom County Babylon. Can't find it online so have to get the book out this evening for a laugh.

What's that clicking sound? It seems to be getting faster...