arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
Ooops! Time to change career?
help
Give quotes that suggests the person would be better seeking more suitable employment.
arrow_circle_up
Congratulations Madame. You are our 100,000th visitor and so you will be allowed to take home any exhibit in the museum.
*stumble* Oops.
That statue has a penis showing! Bring me the chisel!
*guffaw* [wiping away tears of mirth]
Was that a passing museum curator?
I'm quite shocked at the state of disrepair of so many of our exhibits. I'm going to commission some artists to recarve the features on the Easter Island statue, and a couple of gallons of plastic wood should see the old Polynesian boats in proper working order again.
The Romans? Are they like old French people or something?
[Projoy] That's Jade Goody, isn't it?
What this place needs is an exhibition called "Jade Goody Nude".
In honour of a teetotal friend of mine: sommelier
An excellent choice, sir. [sotto voce] Strictly entre nous, I like that one so much that I swiped a couple of bottles last Saturday, took them home and got completely rat-arsed!
We'd save a lot of money by buying any old plonk and replacing the labels with whatever we want to print up. The punters will believe whatever I tell them.
My I remind Sir that even your fat and rather rotund form that three glasses of this fine and excellent wine will still make you too pissed to drive.
Don't worry about any sediment, sir, I gave the bottle a good shake on the way to your table.
I recommened the Carlsberg Top, sir.
With respect, sir has neither the taste to appreciate the wine that sir is indicating, nor, to judge by sir's off-the-peg suit, the wallet to pay for it. May I suggest that sir sticks to the house red instead of getting ideas above himself?
Excellent choice, madam. Would you like some lime with that?
A trade secret I'll share with you sir: if the bottle's a funny shape the wine's even better!
Before you taste this wonderful vintage sir, there is just the matter of the health and safety risk assessment questionnaire just a formality, only take ten minutes of your time. Now is sir left or right handed?
It's from somewhere in Germany.
Hang on, let me guess... is it red?
Certainly. And would you like a glass or a straw?
You can tell a lot from the label, sir. For example, this one says 'Tesco 2.99', well, that's frankly piss.
Another inside tip, sir - the second-cheapest wine on the menu always gives the best value for money.
The best vintages can be found in TetraPakTM boxes.
"Catch!"
Personally, I'd rather have a pint.
It's called Chateau Lafite because it smells of feet.
Of course, the best wines come from the North East of England.
Of course, drinking alcohol means you go straight to hell, but if you must, why not have the very best and make it worth being drowned in boiling oil for countless aeons?
Igor, fetch the BIG corkscrew! *leer*
Struggling to choose? Tell us your options and we can mix them all up together.
Bottle or draught?
Water or ice?
Rare or Well Done?
The vintage? Wednesday, I think. Hang on, I'll check the box.
It's made from grapes, isn't it?
It's good for a gargle.
It is sweetened with the very best antifreeze.
Shall I be mother?
Swallow a mouthful, wait five minutes, then pee in the bucket. If the pee has the same bouquet as the wine, your kidneys aren't working.
arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord