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The Banter Page
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If you're wanting to get something off your chest, make general comments about the server, or post lonely hearts ads, then this is the place for you.
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Re: Test Case
[Raak] I figured Scottish dialect was probably sufficiently non-English. No?
None
[Dunx] I am torn between pro-Scottish zeal urging me to agree, and anti-English zeal urging me to poke fun at Sassenachs claiming to be unable to understand perfectly clear Glaswegian. :-)
Torn
[Raak] Being half-Scottish myself, I feel the same conflict. However, I am also painfully aware that there are huge swathes of Scottish dialect which I do not understand despite my ability to understand thicker accents than many.
Reality Bites
Re BB: first of all let me say that no matter how trite or sensationalist you might think British reality shows are, trust me when I say that the US output is far, far worse. I will revise this opinion only when shows of the salacious feebleness of "Joe Millionaire" and the show hosted by Monica Lewinsky are made in Britain.

Having said that there was a piece on the radio the other day about these shows, and there was a remark which struck me - the reporter suggested that these programmes are social experiments masquerading as mass entertainment, whereas the thing that for me distinguishes British efforts in this arena is that they are exactly the opposite: there is always some affectation of worthiness, such as the Big Brother psychologist.

Of course, later tha same day I heard the chairman of the FCC ask rhetorically (and apparently without irony) if there was any other broadcast system in the world that the listener would choose to replace the US one with.

Daq
I have finally succumbed to this celebdaq business. Trading as RadiantAndBeautiful my ID is 3293427. Could someone add me to the appropriate league, or how to do it myself?
Other news
I was wondering whether to kill the bad tempered imposters and replace them with something more interesting. Any comments?
It was I
I have to own up to spawning the bad tempered imposters. For a while it buzzed, but I agree, we could do with a new game or two. Any last comments before I park the Beige Allegro?
on the red carpet
RadiantAndBeautiful, in chauffeur driven Metro has swept into Beckingham Palace, a full array of D list celebrities await inside.
replacing imposters with...
How about a short game of libellous ghost-written profiles, as they're not immediately available elsewhere in the Morniverse? Players profile (eek - I've just used a nouveau verb) each other, probably in approximate alphabetical order, with each contributor posting a single sentence to the victim's profile. And shall we make it a maximum of three sentences per profile to keep it short and sweet? Any 'A's??
ghastly
Or do I mean ghostly? The alphabetic order thing might be a bit difficult to organise. I reckon we just supply them at random with the 3-sentence restriction pen suggests and perhaps additionally each profiler may profile each profilee once only. (But you can profile as many players as you like). Waddayareckon?
celebs
btw, who are 'moreteaplease' and 'ffish'?
Verbing
[pen] I think you're alright on the "profiling"; it may be new to you, but it's a verb which has been in use in computing since before I was programming for money.
Celebs
Ffiish'll be me...
Sorry
I got bored.
Re. Pro-filing
Are we "doing" one person at a time or just randomly profiling each other? CDM has profiled gil after a first line aboput pen. I'm confused.
None
By the way, ISIHAC last night was a classic. Esp Cow, Lake, Bomb.
Randomness
[BtD, profiles] No, just do them as they come to mind (so you could do gil, penelope, or anyone else for that matter, with no detriment to others' creativity). I much prefer it that way. The reason many games (like the Fourth Estate) get stuck is that only one ticket is open at a time, and it's tricky taking the responsibility for closing it.
retentive
[btd isihac classic] surely in the spirit of MC, profiles should be clerihew/limerick/couplet or something...
What happened?
I added a profile but it seems to have vanished! Have I been edited?
Grim Reaper
Talking off bumping off games, nothing much seems to be happening with the face pyjamas... Anyone agree with zapping it in favour of something else? I haven't seen any server in the Morniverse doing a game of book club/film club/songbook recently...
Six feet under
It's been stuck now twice after a move I made. It's either me or it's not. In either event, deep-six it with my blessing at any rate.
Last Night's ISIHAC
First class, I thought. It had everything.
Milk
I'm waiting I'm waiting for you...
You probably don't care
Sorry if your moves got lost. What happened was that we ended up with two mc5s on the go at once (mc10?) so if you 'think it's been working all day' then I'm afraid it hasn't. I have got copies of both sets of files, so I may work in lost moves as appropriate. On the other hand, I might do what I was really looking forward to doing today (see Books).
gasps
I need a beer.
None
[Uncle K] Crescenter's Film Club at Orange? [All] Original suggestions preferred.
Daq
Hmmm... all the shares I bought bar two have gone down in the past day. Oh well; maybe I was looking too far into the future...
swooning
Ooh, I've come over all feint. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to give blood without eating anything before. Think I'll lie down, then find food. *Lib lies down on the library floor, much to the bemusement of other library goers*
Original suggestion
Mmmabe Quickfire Darwin Crescent where the winner is the penultimate move - inspired by the Darwin awards.
Zoom
Or a game of Quickfire Too Many (insert player name here)
Crescenters' film club
That game seems to be purely on the one topic, whereas on ISIHAC itself, there's a different topic each time it's played - this could be run in a similar way to the now-deceased historical headlines when a new topic could be launched when players felt that the current one had run dry.
all peaky
[Lib] I tried to give blood twice, but they told me not to come back, after I went into shock both times. Hmph.
Film clubs
[Uncle Korky] Such indeed is the way the film club games generally run. Feel free to suggest moving on to a new topic.
Decision
So the decision is whether to broaden the scope of the currently running Film Club at Orange, or whether to start an all-new broad Multimedia Club church elsewhere (e.g. here).
None
[Lib, flerdle] I would like to give blood, but the Red Cross don't want blood from anyone who has been in Britain for more than three months. Since I lived there for 33 years, they won't take it. Never mind that I stopped eating meat in 1988...
None
I should clarify - the Red Cross in the US. They're the organisation that runs the blood donation programme here in the States.
film clubs
[rab] Not really one of the trickier decisions. Meanwhile, Blob's horoscope suggestion might work nicely here, I think.
wanting
Not wanting to seem autocratic in anyway that's all. Ditto re the Bloboscope; who's for the chop?
Chopper
I like blobs idea very much Well - and Beige Allegro has seen less action recently. For whoever is first with the chopper the winning move is Shaft. Appropriately.
much Well?
Well quite much.
Ark
[BtD] Appropriate for what, young man?
Honours
Would someone like to do the honours and bless the Bloboscope game with a witty title. I can't think of one.
Re: Honours
[rab] Well, Bloboscope seems pretty reasonable if a little Blob-specific. How about "Tall, Dark and Strange"?
None
Or "Cross My Palm With Silver"?
Honours (1st class)
Or, to quote The Divine Comedy Why not cross my palm with plastic, and we'll see what we can do (or a pithier version thereof)?
Massive Adaq
Can someone explain the delisting procedure? According to the news, they're going to delist two BB4 contestents, but I'm not sure how I'll be able to guess/influence which two, if at all.
Crossing
[rab] I am touched, although I would have thought that was obvious already.
It's time to vote...
[rab] on the front page there are two buttons - "list" and "de-list" which will allow you to vote, and let you view the results. Sell Anouska soon...
Help!
Having just changed my ISP (to BT) and upgraded my PC to XP - I am occasionally getting advertising messages popping up when I'm online. Typically they are a box with a message like "You have won £1,000 ring...", "I'm looking for love in your area" or "Earn from home...". I think someone has somehow got my PC id number because it is always displayed at the top of the message. As I need the internet to do my job, this is intensely irritating. Do any of you know how I can stop these messages?
IE IE O
BtD]If you run IE like me there's not much hope, but those that run the browser Opera are able to refuse pop ups.
Popups
Are these REALLY browser popups from your own browser? There are some spywareish creatures that can cause these. A personal firewall can shut them up.

If they are browser popups, then there is always ad-aware to stop spawning advertising windows and spyware. Simply inhibiting all popups can be inconvenient.

Poptarts
Inkspot/gil] Thanks. I think that they must be spyware dodahs because they quote my PC ID and sometimes appear when OE is running and IE is off. Can you recommend good (inexpensive) personal firewall software?
boingy
ZoneAlarm seems to work ok. They have a free version. Hopefully, here is their site and here is the link to a free version. If you choose it they nag you a bit to upgrade. If you look around the rest of download.com you might get a few more ideas.
None
Free program "Ad-Aware" from Lavasoft clears out all spyware stuff. I've also used the Opera browser with much happiness.
will ye no come back again
[Martha Farquar] Hm. Now I come to inspect the games, you haven't been seen for a while at Dan's. Or here for that matter. At any rate, posting this here too. If you still have a working email address, maybe you could mail me it.
popdown
Thanks all above - Ad-Aware installed and seems to have worked. I've downloaded Opera too, but it isn't working properly yet...
Hello moto
[Proj] I mailed you last night and again just now. NB. I've only played once at Dan's in about 4 years.

[Bob,gil] I switched off all Java and JavaScript on my browser ages ago and it's never inconvenienced me even slightly.

hello mudder, hello farder
[MF] Ah yes, so you did.
Haul, wobble, scream, plunge
If you're wondering why I was a bit quiet yesterday it's because I was at Alton Towers doing silly rides involving me being turned upside down, generally spun about, dropped into a hole, gliding on my back and, much to the amusement of the rest of the party, getting extremely moist and clammy on the rapids. Great fun, and I note the Bloboscope has taken off with some alacrity. Marvellous.
For furc's sake
I wonder if Blob or maybe matt might like to provide a Furcation. I also recall Projoy having a talent for this kind of thing too...
Furcing Hell
[rab] I was going to furcate a while ago - but then discovered that I had things to do that were a little more pressing. If I find I have a spare hour I'll do what I can - but my psychiatrist has only just signed me off as clear of the nightmares caused by Acre Street, I'm not sure that dragging it all up again would be too wise. But then I'm not - wise that is.
Freetime and Furcin'
I do find it hard to pass up games like that, and I was in fact planning a particularly fiendish move which would have upset the game dreadfully, resolved the various chronology problems it has and set an impossible challenge for other players to rise to, but unfortunately at the moment I'm applying for a new job while writing a show and organising a recording session, and even showing up in the office occasionally, so it has been impossible to begin. If y'all could see your way clear to leaving it on the front page until July, I might be able to actually do it.
None
Oh, and can I just say how much I am enjoying Breadmaster's horoscopes.
abso-furcing-lutely
[rab] I am intending to, just as soon as I have a moment-or-six.
Furcing brilliant
[Blob, Projoy, matt] I fully appreciate these difficulties. I generally have to set aside a weekend just to think about it... good to see there's some interest though.
A change of subject...
I stress that this is because I have never 'furced' and therefore it would be inappropriate for me to comment on this topic... I had an idea for a new game last night. Whilst watching the rather-splendid "Where Eagles Dare" on C5, I somewhat irritated my wife by pointing out various cast members here and there who'd been in Doctor Who. She did (and many of you also probably will) called me a sad anorak. However, she did challenge me to make connections to the series from other actors, and, thus, I ended up playing "Six Degrees of Doctor Who" - and worryingly-successfully too...! Of course, should this prove a potential game with you, my fellow Crescenters, it could always be adapted to any topic. I would suggest that anyone who makes the run of connections then deposits the name of a subsequent performer for another player to make a link with.
Hmmm...
[Uncle K] Sounds interesting. If it's Dr Who I suspect Thos might be interested, if anyone knows where to track him down. I guess there will also be some web-based resources to help the rest of us out.
Listing
[Celebdaqqers] Now, I have a problem. One of the BB4 people who I have shares in stands a reasonable chance of being delisted. I wouldn't want to sell my shares before the dividends are awarded, but presumably I lose my cash should the delisting occur... I presume I can't have my cake and eat it in this instance.
None
[rab re: web based resource] There did used to be a page that enabled you to do the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game (as it's popularly called, but just now I can't google it.
Kevin Bacon
[Projoy] I'm sure that's a game they used to play in Empire magazine. They also did a version with Christopher Lee.
daquiri
The dividend has been awarded. Sell now.
Divis
[GIII] You know that for a fact? Can't see any reference to it myself.
but
...I took your advice anyway.
Strawberry celebdaquiris
I've got mine :o). Spent it already, heheheh
Celeb-duck!
Mine too :)
Proj 1
The "particularly fiendish move" wouldn't be Reverse Acre Street-related, would it? :o)
Proj 2
Did you try this one?
Proj 3
Check your mailbox in 10 minutes or so.
Someone took my advice! woo!
look here, and then check out the voting...
Martha 1
Well, that was involved, but it was much worse than simply that.
Martha 2
Ah, that's the fellow. Thanks.
Martha 3
I checked. Very useful. Thanks very much. Will reply when less tied up.
celebrity MC
Fridays post divi leagues of 6 June has been saved strange how Prince William is now diving, interest in Harry won't be far behind. I can see why some on the daq are miffed as they changed the voting from one to two part of the way through, also why are last years BB like Alex still listed. And if anyone wants to join the Celebrity MC just post your Celebdaq id here.
Saville Thick Cut
Excuse me for being thick, but where do you find out what your dividends were. I don't seem to have any :(
spending cash
rab] If you have had any divi it will appear in 'cash available' in the portfolio, I've also set up "Register for CASH PRIZE or UPDATE DETAILS", and so get notified of the divi payout each Friday.
of human bondage
Those knots are darn tricky aren't they?

No, sir. I wouldn't do that, sir.

Furcing Ada!
Judging by the timestamps, it seems to have taken me the best part of 3 hours to construct a fairly desultory move in the furcation game. Admittedly there were a few distractions and my mentis may not have been entirely compos, but still, I won't be doing that again in a hurry...
Spoilsport
[matt] You're no fun any more.
Consolation
...but if it's any consolation, it took me a couple of hours to produce something not much better... (Stratford in particular is a blatant cop-out).
Hang it all
I have a proposal for a game that I have played with a friend and found to be excellent. Cardo is the same as Boardo but with playing cards. Any will do, Normal, Tarot, Donkey, Happy Families, Business etc. It is made more interesting by being played in Reverse. Collective Consciousness seems to have stalled. Any takers?
Divided
I am not aware of having received any dividents :( But at least I sold my shares in BB Jon before he was delisted. Which is a shame cos I think he's going to get a lot of tabloid coverage for as long as he stays in the house.
Down with the monarchy?
For some reason, people are selling shares in Prince Harry. Did noone see the coverage he's got these last two days?
Moanarchy
Wills is dropping like a scally girl's knickers too... odd considering it's his 21st this week (isn't it?).
Cardo
Ah, those memories of the long reverse game at !York . . . .
Not quote moanarchy
Zara Phillips is still on the rise...
avada kadavra
I'm crossing my fingers for JK Rowling, she's on the up...
JK
Yes, I've got 300,000 shares in her at the moment - so I hope she does well ! Unless I have a complete disaster I think kneecapping looms !
Millionaireship
It's all very well to make you a millionaire and reset you to 10000. But, frankly, by the time the Beckhams had had their dividend, I was MUCH more than a millionaire last week, but I still got only 10000 and an icon, and, what's more, they had left me in cash instead of leaving me 10000 worth of my favourite shares. By the time I got in Monday, I was MILES behind.
Rudeness
Yeah, that does seem a little rude. And presumably it means we just get recycled through the league table and it means nothing to be at the top or bottom.
celebdaq
It seems that the main aim of the game is to make the biggest %ge rise in the week, so the amount you start with doesn't really matter.
The main flaw with the game as I see it is that the divis are ludicrously high. If they paid out far smaller amounts then there would (a) be more import attached to how shares moved in value and (b) no need for the silly capping. Anyway, they've set the rules, so it's up to us if we want to play.
Public Service Announcement
Just to let you all know that I'm going away for a few days (everyone say 'ahhh'). So if this thing falls over on its arse I might not be able to fix it.
Although
With a bit of luck they might reset the clock :)
Sound of Slience
Ooh, rab goes away and things go really quiet round here. Rather spooky. Hmm, anyone for tennis?guest
Net Result
[Lib] Well, what's the point without rab as an audience? If what I say is not going to viewed by the mighty rab then I just won't bother.
sorry, that reads rather more sarcastically than intended
Oi
rain stopped play
[Dunx] Sacrasm's fine. [rab] Might have guessed you'd be lurking round the corner somewhere near MC land!
Veryweaktea
On celebdaq my cunning plan, by buying birthday boy Bill (PRWILL) seems to have come unstuck. With just over 100,400 shares they have droppped the best part of £1 each in one week, my value going down from Fri £405081 to £303,379 and still falling. But hey still romping away at No1. Surely Becks at £77.34 is overpriced and rising at 20p an hour?
Oh dear
The Netscape 4 compatibility dandelion seems to have been destroyed by the lawnmower of software sidegrades. Interesting, and not something I can fix while I need to, viz, in Embra.
rab's Oh dear
Any chance of a translation? I thought English was my first language. It now seems I was deluded.
Oh dear oh dear oh dear
I'm sorry Inkspot, but I appear to be top :)
Rum Daq Query
I've plopped from 2nd to 9th ! But surprisingly I've not yet been kneecapped, so I've got over £1.5m to play with.
ouch!
[Blob] It'll happen on Monday. The trick is to get yourself above 2m before then so you can get two wads of cash... I managed it last week by a slender £20,000.
Celebdaq Divvies
Where can you find the dividend payouts? And would JK Rowling have cranked up the divvies this week?
BB4
Dragging the chat back to BB, (is anyone else apart from me watching it?) but I have to say that it is far more amusing when the housemates are drunk. The main problem with them failing their tasks is that the shopping buget becomes too small to buy alcohol. And Sissy MUST go! (JON to WIN!)
Oh!
I seem to be in a new shiny place. Kudos to Nik for letting me steal some of his server space. Hopefully the weekly downtime is a thing of the past.
Ooooh!
Nice and quick as well. Thanks rab & Nik!
None
Mm, it was down earlier today for making the new subdomain work, and was down on friday for upgrading php, and was down a week or so before that for making another subdomain work, but it's all momentary stuff. The line broke a few months ago, but uptime is generally measured in months these days. Except I have to upgrade the kernel this week...

In the meantime, it all seems a lot speedier than I'd expected, so hurrah. Glad to help, and it saves me writing a server of my own.

Right...
[Nik, re downtime] But at least I know who to blame :) Just hoping that I'm not the one attracting the crackers like flies to a shite... or is it the other way round?
Speed
I think the speed might be largely due to the magic of CSS. If you look at the actual HTML, there's very little there at all.
New Game
OK, I took the liberty of upping the game count to celebrate the new home. Roll on the duff product names...
there you are...
rab]Good to see you back up and running, thanks to Nik.
On a more serious note can anyone tell me how ffish managed to get to the top of Celebrity. As for this week I'm at a complete loss but staying well clear of BB housemates.
fffffiiiiiiiiiish
That'll be me. After being kneecapped I bought nothing but Harry, having seen the papers over the weekend. Since then, I've just bought with my dividend who I thought would be helpful...
None
[Rab & Nik] Well done, gentlemen, for saving civilisation as we know it!
lucky 13
A new game! How about another - not that I'm superstitious or anything...
BeeBee
[Lib] Yes I'm watching BB and two of Jon, Fed and Cam will be going this week. Which is a shame as I quite like Cam for being so camp, Jon for being irritating. I have a nasty suspicion that Fed will stay because he's the prettiest and this seems to be what the viewing public goes for most.
Small b
I think the producers of BB have missed an opportunity to allow the public a great voting oppportunity, I would have liked to have seen four preferably five housemates up for eviction. If the thinking behind the BB stategy is because it has losing viewing figures, as the contestants sit around all day. The housemates will always nominate those that have annoyed them or upset the staus quo and it is always the same people as the others keep their heads down and play 'bland/safe'. We could end up with both Jon and Fed leaving, hey what a great interesting group of nicely well behaved and spoken celebs-to-be we'll have then.
Celeb Ducks
Dr Q has been exhorting participants in this rather questionable exploit to advise name/IDs on this banter board. Accordingly, and as usual, I am following his directives. Be warned though that, if there is a team Vs team thing going, I will undoubtedly drag you all down with me. So: ....
DUJON2774 (User ID: 3256726) is the info.
Incidentally, should the co-ordinator be within hearing distance, I assume that once a 'team member' a new menu option will appear? If not, how to I check to see if anyone else has beaten me to the bottom of the ladder?
Bloomin' fingers
I'm sure that you'll work it out... sorry, this digital mode confuses me at times. .... :-)
Being overly chatty.
It's all right, I think I found that bit. (groan)
Ta!
All of a sudden I'm up there with the 'experts' ... problem is they all have lot of little green blobs against their names. Anyhow, dear co-ordinator, thanks muchly. I shall now sink into oblivion.
older sibling
BB chat again... I'd hate to see John go because he's the only one who ever says anything provocative or interesting. He's the Rambling Nerd. I'd like to see Federico stay because sooner or later, he will crack up. He's finding out that he's the weak link, and it's not something he's used to. Cameron is the least offensive - so in my book he should really be the first to go. So my money's on Cameron and Fed. Really, though, they all seem to have forgotten it's a game show - I still maintain the first was the best, when the whole lot of 'em would sing: 'It's only a game show, it's only a game show,' as they headed over to the diary room to make their nominations.
'me too'
[Pen] I guess it didn't cross your mind but thank you for the above, as it rather nicely sums up my thoughts too, and as always, very eloquently. JON MUST STAY!
aaarrrgh
Careful, please, I don't want to memorise any of their names by accident. Can't you use some kind of code?
more generously proportioned fraternal relative
[lib&pen] Vote Jon! On a class basis alone (oops!)
BB4
In it's fourth year, Big Brother appears to have successfully elevated banality to an art form. However, I must confess to being curiously drawn to Big Brother's Little Brother - a nifty little half hour which reduces the day's 'action' to 3 bullet points each containing two words. Says it all really.
Celebdaq
Oops, nearly forgot myself then. Yes - my Celebdaq name and code: CHALKYSPIRE [3320323] I haven't the foggiest what I'm supposed to do, but figured that pressing the 'trade' button from time to time might reap dividends. Thanks for letting me join you and look forward to holding you all up.
For pity's sake, child, tie down the moons of Jupiter!
I think Breadmaster's move in Carpe Diem is one of the most beautiful phrases I've ever heard...*sigh*
Agreed
It almost deserves to be the start of a poem or song, but how would you follow it?
Dunno
...but welcome to the fold nevertheless.
for pity's sake...
I can't think of any rhymes - maybe it could be a miniature game?
Blushing
[Penelope] Why thank you - it does have that "ought to be a palindrome" sort of quality, doesn't it?
By Jove
I think it would make a wonderful opening line for a short story.
Deeply, deeply ashamed of my linguistic skills
Actually - what did the phrase really mean? I've just tried translating it on the assumption that it was Italian - or Spanish - or Portuguese - and I seem to be stumped, or at least the computer is.
tethering moons
I think it's the start of a blank verse poem, chastising a child for having too wild an imagination, and implying the consequences will be grave. I feel like it's been written already - maybe it's something I should work on.
Son pittore ancor io!
[Breadmaster] It came from the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. To summarise their explanation, on seeing Raphael's St Cecilia at Bologna, c.1525, Antonio Allegri Correggio is supposed to have exclaimed, "Son pittore ancor io!" meaning, "I, too, am a painter!"
Of course...
On the other hand, he may just have seen through the window that Io had broken loose from its orbit and was hurtling towards the Earth. In a blind panic, he screamed, "For pity's sake, child, tie down the moons of Jupiter!"
None
Ah, of course, I must have temporarily forgotten! Maybe we should have a game of highly promising openings to non-existent stories/novels/plays/poems/songs, although I don't know if it would work/has already been done...
author's rights
[Penelope] I graciously permit you to use the line in question, provided I receive full acknowledgement! I thought it might be something about humanity's hubris and folly, but I think your explanation is better and much sadder. Reminds me of the more whimsical Calvin and Hobbes stories.
Celebdaq
Just registered! Details: UNCLE_KORKY (User ID: 3325317). Like Chalky, I've got no real concept of how this is all going to work, so I'll be vying for the foot of the table.
Celebdaq
I, too, have just registered. I am DARRENXYZ (User ID: 3326388).
more tea and biscuits
Uncle Korky and Darren you are pending just waiting for daq towers to load you in. Good luck. Tomorrow being Friday is divi day, can DrQ push ffish off the top. Though I have a feeling evil_edna is just bidding her time.
Going...going...gone to the man with the big beard and scythe
[Inkspot] Bidding her time?
without reserve
*cackle*
cackling...
Well, moreteaplease seems to have taken over top spot, but that's not going to last long - serious kneecapping beckons on Monday...
Early days
[Inkspot] Thanks for adding me to the league. Blimey - I've a lot of work to do...
A-ha
I knew my early investment in Ms Rowling would pay off!
Wahay!
I'm chuffed to little mint balls. Seems as though all my faffing around with the Royals has paid off . . . oops, I meant the Beckhams . . same thing, really. Cheers Inkspot and thanks DrQ - the Pants invasion appears to be gaining support [see The Chatter Page] :-)
Crikee
[Chalky] Not sure I like the sound of a pants invasion... though on the other hand if you're free tonight my number is...

[All] You might be touched to learn that the Manchester Evening News is running a special David Beckham Memorial Issue.

Unapologetically cross-posted
*clears throat* Ahem. May I just take this opportunity to point out that we are just over a week away from a Pilg? Saturday, June 28th, Australians promised, along with some unusual diversions. It may be wise to get there early, since there is wild talk of approaching the Great Place by 1:30, unlikely as that may seem.
Pilgards
I'd be really up for that if my brother wasn't getting married in Paris that weekend. I do a SoloPilg most times I'm in London, making sure I buy a genuine Mornington Crescent Ticket when I'm standing in the hallowed hall. I sometimes gift them to friends on birthdays and the like. They make great bookmarks. My family think I may be certifiable.
Kneecapping imminent
Who's moreteaplease? Also, if you are at £2,999,999 at the point of kneecapping, do you only get 2 wads of cash and end up forfeiting £989,999?
Depilg
Sadly I booked a wee weekend away, so am unable to make what looks set to be a stonking pilg, what with both bearded Australians and teenage hackers called Tiffany in attendance.
Alter ego
(ram being my slightly more random persona).
Delerious
*Lib skips into the crescent, does five cartwheels and an arab-spring, then collapses on the floor, smiling and murmuring "I've passed! I've passed"*
Passed?
... Baker Street picking up a gold podume? ... I'm sure congratulations are in order whatever it is.
*hands Lib a slightly melting Kit Kat and glass of flat lemonade* Well Done!
Lib the delerious
CONGRATULATIONS! I say that - because you appear to be Very Happy and not because I know what it is you've passed - an exam? a parcel? something painful? Anyway, keep smiling, Lib. I'm Chalky and a girly.
None
{rab and Chalky] Thanks.I've passed my finals! I'm now a Doctor! Not sunk in yet!
Doctor Lib
Blimey O'Reilly. Well done.
Further congrats
I trust they let you sober up before handing you the scalpels.
Lib
welcome. *proffers secret handshake*
Dr. Lib
Knockout!! Dr of what ?
Ah. The Doctor.
Would you classify yourself as Tom Baker-ish or more of a Sylvester McCoy-type? :)
Doctoring
[Lib] Doctor Dr. or Ph.D.?
and
Oh, and congrats as well!
More
Congratulations! And are you aiming to go further?
Uptime
So, what's the opinion thus far of mc^5's new home on beefy? I was just mentioning to Kevan that it's quite preposterous that a speedy-in-'98/9 computer hooked into the 'net on a residential DSL (with other things, including Kazaa, running alongside) outperforms a proper host both in speed and reliability/non-hacked-ness terms.

I ask because I'm a) drunk, and b) not aware of any glitches. Tell me, I'm your friendly neighbourhood BOFH.

Doctorhood
I notice that I didn't pay close attention to recent postings. Congratulations, Lib. Entertaining, vaguely related occurrence at work today. Boss&colleague:mumblemumble. Colleague: Nik, what have you got? HNC, degree, what?. Nik: Nothing. I'm completely unqualified. Boss: <blank, but firm, stare>.
Being a bit of a devil.
Nik, I wouldn't worry about it. I used to work in the banking industry (for 26 years!) and we used to take in 'graduates'. They would be those in the banking, commerce and accounting fields, of course. We used to trial them for 6 - 12 months and drop them upon other unsuspecting souls for 2 or three months at a time and then move them around in the various areas/facets of the organisation. Something like 95% either moved on, were moved on or simply froze in horror at actually having to work and simply 'deserted' ... :-) Now, I'm not denigrating degrees and the like (well, not much - my son's a B.Sc. so I can't can I?) but one wonders at times as to the worth of these degrees if their recipients are incapable of assimilating into a real world environment.

To you, Lib, congratulations, I wish that I were that well endowed intellectually.

To those of you in academia, and I gather there are a few who gather here, please do not take offence - I am merely stating my experiences.
more tea Bishop
Lib congrats, now you have more spare time don't forget to visit Celebdaq and buy a few shares post your id, ready for the post divi results like this table for Friday 20 June .
DrQ]moreteaplease is my second account, speaking of which it looks like I'm in for a sports car after the kneecapping.
badly broken html
That should really include the http: to get you to Friday 20 June .
Glitches
[Nik] ... or rather the lack thereof. It's been a very smooth transition, I think, and I've not noticed any problems. Then again, I've not been around much lately so I may not be best qualified to judge! One question I have: when you say you're on a domestic DSL service, what are the up/down speeds? I'm curious because I've been planning on running a home server for a while and wondered what the reasonable limits for an uplink might be.
Touched by cresenters good wishes...
Thank you all! I'm a medical doctor, which in my opinion is a 'fake' doctor, as opposed to clever people who actually earn the title (and don't just get is honorarily like us medics...) by gaining a PhD. However, it is rather unlikely that I'll have any more time, as the infamous junior doctor year awaits me where I have to work 1000000 hours per week!
Deglitch
[Nik] Well so far I'm pretty chuffed with the way things are going. I tend to design things for compactness rather than complexity, so the (relatively) low bandwidth is pretty much a non-issue. I can't make any promises about the nonhackedness - I still worry that something in my scripts might be partly responsble, but think it's unlikely. I've even altered them slightly when moving them on the offchance someone managed to get their hands on the original code.

The best thing as far as I'm concerned is that the sysadmin is someone who understands what this space is for. That's priceless. (But for everything else there's MasterCard).

Freakout
Hello, folks. I'm a regular at Pants, as some of you may know. I hope you don't mind me sneaking in here like this, I just wondered if I might humbly request that I be added to the Mornington Crescent Celebdaq League. My contact details are as follows: username Thraxwhirl (3328583). I'd be grateful to be on the list. Many thanks.
DSL
[Nik] Who's your ISP, and are they any good? (Well, this site seems to always be there.) BT are upgrading my exchange for broadband next month, and I'm considering going with Demon.
Lovely view Petunia
Welcome Anthrax Whirl your in at No 17.

I couldn't help myself, it was Franics my 12 year old son's fault, as I was passing his bedroom he called out "Aunt Petunia's had a howler!", so this evening instead of doing the ironing I've been engrossed in HP and the Order of the Phoenix, page 100 so many suprises I'm gripped already (by a childrens book?).

HP
[Inkspot] I have been reliably informed they're "not just children's books." A while back when I was working at a hospital, the consultants went through a phase of all reading Harry Potter, so you shouldn't feel too embarrassed. ;) They used to discuss it in the coffee room between operations.
harry potter
I spent all day yesterday reading it! It was good enough for me to want to keep reading, and I enjoyed it. I've bought best sellers before which I had to force myself to read, or skip through, but the HP books keep me engrossed, right to the end..
Degrees of understanding
[Dujon, a while ago] You question the value of certain types of degrees and of moving into the 'real world'. This is a tricky subject and one upon which I have opined before, so I shall keep it brief. From your post it's a little unclear what type of degrees your graduates had: were they specifically aimed at getting people into the banking/finance industry or a more general qualification. If the former, you have grounds for complaint.

However - and this may well be an entirely different issue - I am firmly of the belief that a University is not a training camp: if companies want their intake to have specific skills then they should stump up the cash and train them themselves rather than let the burden fall on the taxpayer. Furthermore, a University education should be largely academic: that's rather the point. This, however, has the consequence that it's not suitable for a majority of the populace and, crucially, I feel there is no shame in such institutions being 'elitist' in the sense that they select only people for whom such an education is beneficial. The main problem faced in the UK today though, as far as I can see, is that institutions with a more vocational approach to higher education have been crowbarred into an existing structure designed to do something different, and anything that isn't a 'degree' is considered a second-class qualification. Not easy to see how one can change the general public's attitude to non-degree qualifications. Anyway, that's roughly what I wanted to say though I'm not sure it makes sense.

Degrees of Separation
[rab] It's not just the UK that suffers from that problem - the USA will not grant a working visa to a foreign national (or "alien", as it is so charmingly termed) if you are taking on a job for which you do not have a relevant degree. So, however generally useless my Comp. Sci. degree has been in the real world, it at least served to allow me to take on work in the States.

This seems particularly bizarre, though, when you realise that even having a degree is irrelevant if you have more than about three years of industrial experience. That hasn't stopped hiring decisions made by my boss from being blocked because the higher management felt that the degree was from a school which "wasn't good enough". Ludicrous.

Catching up
[Dunx] It's 256kbps up, 512kbps down. Realistically, I can sustain ~30KBps up and ~60KBps down (in fact, it's been closer to 70 down the last few days). It seems to deal with stuff alright - although I've helped by installing mod_gzip in my Apache, so it compresses most things before transmission, if the client says it accepts compressed encodings.
[Raak] I moved to Nildram months back, because they were consistently the fastest, according to user testing at adslguide.org - now Eclipse have improved their network to take first place, but Nildram want the title back. It's not the cheapest, but it always work, is always fast, and the support people are decent. I give them an extra fiver a month for a block of static IPs. I'm more than happy with them, and recommend them at every opportunity.
[Dujon] Oh, I'm not worried, especially now I have 5 years of real experience on my CV.
DSL again
Of course, it's never enough - as soon as 512kbps SDSL is available and doesn't cost all the moneys in the world, I'll be having it. I'm less bothered about increased download speed, but if I had to take more to get better upload, I wouldn't be found complaining.
celebdaq
Curses! Still at number 3...however, I am now worth nearly 3.4 million before kneecapping tomorrow. I spent all my JK Rowling divvy on John Leslie, who is VERY popular at the moment..
Shhhh
Right, I'm going to say this quietly so the sabateurs don't hear. I'm off away from tomorrow until Sunday, so look after the place and don't drop any litter.
None
*peels banana and carelessly throws skin on floor* then *throws banana on floor too*. I don't like bananas!
Breadmaster Poetry
Very unusual phrase from Breadmaster in Carpe Diem, "Heaven is stunted over Mir, for there is ghostly morality within." Another poem start there perhaps!
I don't know it
Well, that was what it said to me... maybe my psyche is being writ over-large on these pages...
Cheap imitations?
So is this the one and only mc5, or is this move going to be zapped into the ether when midnight comes? And if it's so easy to set up a replacement site for this, then what about !!York?
!!York
[MF] I was going to setup a !!York archive, but I haven't had time - my usual core pottering time is on the train to and from work, but I've been driving every day for weeks now what with house stuff. I still plan on doing this, but I emphasise the word "archive" - I doubt I would make it playable.
pumpkin5 & !!Yorkwich
[MF] I certainly hope it carries on exactly the way it has.
[Dunx] Are there scripts, or is just a bunch of HTML rescued from somewhere?
Lack of clothing
Time for a little rant I'm afraid. I've just had the misfortune to go shopping for jeans. My favourite shop has gone crazy, with silly cuts, colours and patterns, so had to go elsewhere. Nothing seemed to fit, whatever size I tried. In the end I did find a nice pair of jean-type-things, but had to part with a grand proportion of the GDP of a small pacific island for the pleasure. I have come to the conculsion that I'm the wrong shape for everything!

[Thos] Fancy an apple? Or a tangerine (and you could carelessly throw the skin away with that too!)?

Rampant nudity
[Lib] You could, alternatively, have bought the small pacific island, then emigrated to it thus saving you the need to purchase warm leg-encasing garments. Just a thought.
Trousers
Bah, I can't buy trousers that fit either. Since I can find trousers with the right waist size and right inside leg, but can't actually move once I put them on, I've come to the conclusion that virtually no-one has leg muscles anymore, and it just isn't economical to make trousers that are generous around the legs in case a sprinter / cyclist / rower / rugby player / footballer comes in, since they all wear shorts, don't they...
Jeans
Oh yes, and Jeans are yet another thing that the British are notoriously gullible about. Watch the rest of the world double the price on jeans when they export them to the UK, and snigger at how these dumb Brits will still buy them, because if they're expensive, they must be good...
Jean Genie
[Ibid] As I struggle to sit comfortably in what are supposed to be relaxed fit jeans, I can only agree. Very odd about the pricing, though.
Hello? Emergency services?
Looking at the last move date, I think the furcation game may be seriously unwell...
SCREEEEEEECH!
Well, it is now.
Furcle
[Uncle Korky] I should say that I am planning a move, but I don't expect to finish it until late July, possibly early August, so I hope the game can be allowed to live until then.
Keep your furcing hands off
It's just warming up :) I could make it unkillable I guess, but that would be silly. Nottingham today, Dublin tomorrow and this site is still up.
Furcing hands nowhere near!
Good grief! At this speed, Time Team will be joining in!
Celebrip
Does anyone have any shares in Dennis Thatcher?
Thatchers
Don't think he's listed - neither is Maggie.
Dr
Belated congrats Lib!
What's up, Doc?
Lib, I forgot too... Well Done! :o)
Ducks - celebrities or otherwise.
My first 'kneecap' apparently is about to be executed. Bugger - 40% of my hard earned is about to go down the gurgler. I always knew I should work for wages and not contract my skills!
Ni!-cap
Q: If I get kneecapped on Monday, will I get the Thursday night dividends for the shares I had before then?
[Nik, re scripts]
I think Simons Mith has the York scripts. He's also got a "tarball", whatever that is.
Celebdaq
[Dujon] I think you'll lose a lot more than 40%. The kneecapping comes into effect once you hit £1million - and leave you with just £10,000 - So your minimum slash is 99%
[DrQ] I think you don't get kneecapped until Monday morning - therefore well after you've received your divis.
None
[Duj] Unless you mean that you are on £1.4m and will only be credited with one little green wadge (signifying a million) - in which case, yep, I see what you mean - I had a similar experience.
Warning, team! Improbably satisfying awful joke approaching!
Q: Have you heard about that new curry, Chicken Tarka?
A: It's like chicken tikka, only 'otter!

My apologies. One of my mates has been foisting it upon me at every opportunity for days, and I can't help enjoying it, and nor could I keep it to myself any longer.

More ducks
[Blob] Correct! That was my meaning - I know we drop back to the £10,000 level after patella paring, but at least we have a retirement fund parked in Geurnsey or somewhere. ♫♪.
As a matter of interest, has anyone had the experience of earning just over a million mark, but less than the £10,000 above? I was just wondering what happens; do you actually gain a few quid?
Wow!
A whole six days away... and no upsets. Applause, hurrah. (And I'm still in only 7th place in our league despite Ms Rowling rewarding me handsomely). Dublin was fab, thanks for asking. CdM - we went to Mulligans. Great pub, especially if you like the smokey old man thing. I have to say my Guinness buds are not finely honed, so I couldn't really tell if it was superior to that at O'Neills or the Guinness Storehouse itself, so I'll take your word for it.
Temporary position
[Celebdaq] Slightly surprised to find myself at the top of the league this morning - though I realise this is simply due to the usual suspects having been kneecapped.
Knees
[Dujon] Yes. It just happened to me.
Boolbarman joke
[Bool] Did you go to Glastonbury?

[Nik] Owch! OK, try this one.

A Polar bear goes into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and





tonic please."

The barman replies "So, why the big pause?"
Glasto nogo
[BtD] Only by the power of TV. [Joke] Ouch!
In furc a penny, in furc a pound
I'm wondering whether it might be possible to get an Arts Council grant to fund the Furcation Game...
Kneecapping
I got my first 'daq million too... Quite a shock...

Two crocodiles go into a bar and ask for some drinks...
"Certainly sirs," says the barman "but why the long faces?"

[rab] My recent stag night was in Dublin and involved a trip to the Guinness storehouse - did you take your free pint in the Gravity Bar up top? What a view!
[all] And talking of matters marital, a whole bunch of photos from my nuptials are now here - the discerning among you may even spot a Projoy or two in the throng.
Celebdaq - Henman
I've never seen a share jump like his before in such a short span... I bought him at £3.66/share this morning, he's at £4.02/share as of right now, up 24p this hour....
None
[BtD] Yikes!
Bad jokes
I top all of you with:

A man walked into a bar and said "OUCH!"
Oh yeah?
Picking up the gauntlet with

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman says "is this some kind of a joke?"
Oh yeah!
René Descartes is at the bar and the barkeep asks him "Have one for the road?" René replied, "I think not", and *poof*! He disappeared.
Neigh neigh and thrice neigh
A horse goes into a bar,

The barman says "so, why the long face?"
None
An elephant, a giraffe, and a hedgehog walk into a bar, and the barman says, "I can't wait to hear the punchline!"
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt My self.
Ho ho.
Only just read blamelewis posting - sorry - same joke different animal. BTW - nice table top camera pics. As I have no idea what Projoy looks like - had great fun guessing.

Regaining composure...
A man goes to see a doctor with a little bit of lettuce sticking out of his bottom.
After the examination he asks "Is it serious?"
"I'm afraid so" replies the doctor, "it's only the tip of the iceburg."
*groan*
A gorgeous blonde walked into a bar and said "I'd like a Double Entendre, please," so I gave her one.
Getting worse...
A man goes to see his doctor, and explains that his back hurts. The doctor says "Say 'Ahhh'". "Why?" says the man. "My dog's just died," he replies.
Anything and everything.

[Boolbar] Thanks for the info. (way up there somewhere)

[blamelewis] Congratulations on your marriage; all the best to yourself and your new bride. Should I survive until October it's 33 years for me. . . ☺

[Re: 'Daq} Grumble, grumble. 750,000 nicker down the drain. I am singularly unimpressed! Anyone got a spare shoulder? As far as the 'jokes' are concerned - I thought mine were bad. ☺ I cannot match you lot, so I shall not try.
A Joke. Probably.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Yay!
[Dunx] That's my favourite joke in the world. Closely followed by
Q: What do you call a fly with no legs?
A: A walk!
walk - don't walk
Lib.. I don't know how to break this to you. A fly with no wings is called a Walk. A fly with no wings and no legs is called a Sit. Please tell me where you'll be practising medicine so I can be sure never to fall ill there. ;o)
Save string when you're young!
When you grow up, you'll have a ball!
a sit
A male fly walks into a bar, goes up to an attractive female fly and says "Is this stool taken?"
bar chuckles
A skeleton walks up to a bar and orders a pint . . . and a mop.
doctor lib
I believe the joke you meant to put there was
What do you call a spider with no legs?
a raisin!
diversifying
I was in a Chinese restaurant and I said "Waiter! This fish is rubbery!", and the waiter went "Ah, thank you velly much sir"
Body parts.....
[pen] You've found my weak point. I do get confused with body parts! And this is rather worrying to the general public at large. Its a bit of a shame that there's no the 'ask the audience' moment at graduation ceremonies that there is at church weddings. I can just see the moment now, about to recieve my degree certificate and someone pipes up from the audience "No, don't let her be a doctor, she doesn't know the difference between legs and wings, and once she forgot what the heart was called (and refered to it as the big muscle that pumps blood round the body!)". Then they'd refuse to give me the certificate and I'd be pubically humiliated! Stockport (Stepping hill hosptial) is the place to avoid!
practising medicine
[Lib] Stockport? No problem. I'm well away from there. Once you've got some practice in, I daresay you'll be very good, but thankfully I'm feeling very well at the moment, living here in the south east! And as for your nightmare scenario... several years after I graduated I had a nightmare in which I found out I hadn't actually graduated at all - I failed the maths module because the lecturer had lost my coursework. *shudders*
pubic humiliation
[Lib] I'm not going to ask.

A woman wakes up with a terrible hangover and finds herself sharing her bed with an elephant. "God I must have been tight last night!" she exclaims. "Yes," says the elephant, "at least the first couple of times."

Luckily I can't be bothered to type out the hamster joke.

A man goes into a bar and sees...
...a dog playing chess with its owner. So he says, "What a remarkably intelligent dog!", and the owner replies, "Not really, he's lost the first two games."
Another bar?
A West Virginian man walked into a bar....an' it et him to bits!
Explanation upon request.
None
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a cheetah.

He was trying to pull a fast one.
None
And never forget the last words of my grandfather, who said "A truck!"
None
Well, my great uncle died of deafness...

...he didn't hear the steamroller.

font memories
Four fonts walk into a bar.

The barman says "we don't want your type in here."
Font of all knowledge
[BtD] Presumably the publican didn't like the look of their face?
None
[BtD] You're a Tim Vine fan, aren't you?

I said to the newsagent, "I'd like to read a magazine on the supernatural, please."
Newsagent: Fortean Times?
Me: No, just once.

Tim who?
[MF] In all honesty - I don't know who Tim Vine is - but if you think he'd make me laugh...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Another One
Q: what do you call a communist volleyball player?
A: a red setter.

[Lib] That one just sticks in my mind.

[BtD]
Tim Vine writes a lot of this kind of one-liner. Most of the gags on this page are by him, esp. the ones lower down. He's a regular on ITV's The Sketch Show, which is starting next week I think. He's also on tour this year.
None
I was in the video shop, and I said, "I'd like an action movie please." The assistant went, "D'you want to rent Batman Forever?" I said, "no, just for a couple of hours."
Reeeeeally bad.
A man walked into a bar...gain antique shop and said "What's new?"
DrQu+xum/Lib
ok, I'll bite.. what's the west virginian one about? Oh, and Lib, I must insist that you type the hamster one..
arrow_circle_down
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