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World's Worsest
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Start with World's Worst Chat Up Lines, till it wears out then start a new topic.
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Has anyone told you that you're the spitting image f Mr. Plod the policeman in the "Noddy" books?
"Love the uniform. Can you sing?"
Ooh, I love a man in uniform. Are you going to handcuff me?
Where are the rest of the Village People, then?
Driving licence? Never had one in my life, you didn't need one when I started driving.
Of course it's my car - what c*** would steal this. I have actually been tempted to ask this.
"Impersonating a police officer? Me? Come on, I'm not that stupid."
"Could we hurry it up officer? I was to meet your wife at the motel three minutes ago."
What do you mean you cannot park on this traffic island?
"you mean putting your hazard lights on doesn't suspend the parking laws? since when?" (go to bridgnorth in south shropshire and you'll see this point of view in action, sadly no one ever gets booked for it.)
I saw a sign over there with an arrow that said "Park", so I parked here on the lawn. I didn't realise, until you so kindly pointed out a moment ago, that it meant a public park and not a parking lot.
"Here, have a peach." Should you still be viewing, Corks, my apologies.
But I have a BMW I can do what I like
You do know the kettle will be on back at the station? (Dujon) Haven't seen Mr Corkington for a long time.
I own the doughnut store down the street, so here's a proposition. You get free doughnuts, and I get off without a fine. Do we have a deal?
"Arrest me? You ain't got the BALLS to haul me downtown."
We, the people, pay your salary, so don't you start getting high-handed with me.
I'm surprisred that they even make police uniforms in your size. Yours must be made of highly elastic stretch fabric to accomodate that huge beer belly.
"Ooh, can I see your truncheon?"

and on that piece of unadulterated smut, can I suggest a change of topic?

Worst Things to Hear From Your Doctor

/optician/dentist/opthamologist/gynaecologist/acupuncturist/whatever takes your fancy, in this smorgasbord of medical options we find ourselves faced with these days.
Now on the basis that I never use mine, I took the liberty of assuming I could remove it. It's here in this jar.
Just for the record, would you mind leaving a list of next-of-kin with the receptionist, please?
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