It was so nice and thoughtful of you to pass me that dish with all the money in it during the service. It will make a most wonderful addition to my coin and banknote collection back home in Thailand.
"Erm.... s'cuse me parson, I don't mean to be interruptive of your indoctrination of us miserable sinners but your sermon has been a grueling one up to the moment and a man builds a thirst sitting here made to sweat like dear Ol' Job in these dusty pews. Could we maybe have a short intermission and you have them pretty choir girls pass out the libations!"
Umm.., Father, could you please settle an issue for us? My friend Tom here and I have a bet going on whether priests wear anything under their frocks. I was right about, and won our last bet on Scotsmen and kilts.
Those were some neat names you thought up for that story you told. Shadrach...Meshach...Abednago...Nebuchadnezzzar. I'll use them as characters the next time I play Dungeons and Dragons.
Rattlesnakes! Rattlesnakes for the true believers! Everybody, gather round, get your Rattlesnakes here! Don't be shy sister, jes' reach your hand waaaaay down deep in the bag, that be whar the jedgemental ones are........"
Wow, you really do have effigies of the Founder being tortured to death! Just think of the mana the high priests must have got out of that! I can practically feel it radiating from the crucifix!
I really think cheese would be a better combination with the sacramental wine than those dry wafers. Can't you petition the Pope? A nice Brie or Edam, perhaps? Or if it must be Italian, some aged Parmigiano Reggiano would do quite nicely.
I cannot help noticing that not all of your women have their heads covered, despite the angels (1 Corinthians 11:10). You bishop appears not to be married (1 Timothy 3:2). Not everyone present has edified the church with a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation (1 Corinthians 14:26). Some of you apparently have bank accounts or credit cards (Ezekiel 18:8) and I am not convinced that menstruating women are shunned (Ezekiel 18:6). Worst of all, there are men present without beards (Leviticus 19:27), and some of you appear to be wearing polycotton shirts (Leviticus 19:19). You are clearly an abomination against the Lord and his Word, and therefore his face is turned away from you (Psalms 34:16) and I must punish you (1 Peter 2:14).