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World's Worsest
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Start with World's Worst Chat Up Lines, till it wears out then start a new topic.
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Our first guest is Wangari Muta Maathai.

You were born in Nyeri, Kenya, East Africa in 1940 and became the first woman in East and Central Africa to earn a doctorate degree. Since then you have become internationally recognized for your persistent struggle for democracy, human rights and environmental conservation. You have addressed the United Nations on several occasions and spoken on behalf of women at special sessions of the General Assembly for the five-year review of the 1992 Earth Summit. In 2004 you were awarded the Nobel peace Prize for your contribution to sustainable development, democracy and peace.

Welcome to Woman’s Hour Wangari. Now tell me, Kenya is a very hot country. What kind of hat do you wear in the summer?
Now we have Sir Randolph Jones to give a talk explaining Gordon Brown's budget the special simplified ladies' language.
Good-evening-ladies. Now-for-the WEATHER. The WEATHER. It-will-be-a-SUNNY-day. A-SUNNY-day. This-means-it-is-a-good-time-to-HANG-YOUR-WASHING. HANG-YOUR-WASHING.
Our feature segments today are "The Little Woman at Home" and "How to Starch and Iron His Shirts". This will be followed by a lovely musical rendition of the all-time favourites - "Stand By Your Man" and "Give the Boy a Hand".
Next kill on woman's your hour, the horror of cot babies death.
Interview subject: Of course, all women would admit the difficulties of menstruation are vastly exaggerated.
And, Of course, as a doctor, if a woman screams during childbirth I know she's faking it. Scientific studies show that the quantities of dopamine released during the birth process render pain impossible while giving birth. It's basically just hysteria and a failure to control the emotions.
And, conversely, I've given birth to three children of my own, and I have to tell all the women listening that my birth process was much more painful than theirs, any day.
C'mon girls, tits out for the lads!
"Perhaps your listeners could tell me why it is that women take nine months to come up with an answer to a very simple question?"
*wonders if it's significant that mostly men are playing this game at the moment*
And continuing with our popular "Successful Women" series, we are most priveleged today to have with us Ethel Hauskochen, the author of "How to Bake a Successful Souffle".
...It is unimportant whether Cherie is benefiting from her position as Prime Minister's wife or not. But I have to admit that I can have little faith in the Labour government when she shows such a blatant lack of understanding for simple style etiquette. I mean - crushed velvet so eighties and green is just not her colour.
We've been having a chat here in the Woman's Hour production office and we've noticed that this whole programme is predicated on the idea that a whole 51% of the populace has interests in common merely on the basis of their sex. Since this assumption is completely patronising and insupportable, we've decided to stop producing the programme. Next on 4, the news for humans.
OK, how aboutWorld's Worst Thing To Say When Visiting A Friend's Church
Merry meet! Did you celebrate the union of the god and the goddess this Litha?
Oh, goody, time for the long pig wafers!
Are those hosts leaded or unleaded?
You hold services in a .... modern building? Well of course one can worship anywhere, but really, isn't this just a group of friends chatting in some meeting room?
(to a female vicar) My dear, I thought you read the service very well, but I bet you can't wait until they appoint someone to the vacancy. When's he arriving?
Can I go and play with Quasimodo in the belfry?
You look tired - take a pew.
Who on earth did the decorating in here? Those window treatments ... ugh!
[In a mosque] Stoning any adulterers today?
How exactly does immaculate conception work?
What's the birdbath for?
I like the sculpture of the diver.
I like those cushions you kneel on; my wife uses one of those at home...
This place must have cost a packet, I can see your church doesn't believe in that namby-pamby give-all-that-one-hath-to-the-poor nonsense.
Personally I prefer Scandinavian Death Metal. Have you got a light?
You say that's the blood of Christ in that chalise? Is this a church or Dracula's castle?
You must let me contribute something to your organ refurbishment fund! Mm? Tuned last week?
Nah, I wouldn't want to join any religion that would have me as a member...
I loved the Messiaen at the end. Oh, that was meant to be Bach?
(At a Zen temple) What are all these people just sitting around for? Didn't the preacher show up?
The Sermon on the Mount speechifying stuff you talked about was okay, I guess. But the bit about the loaves and fishes was really cool, man!
That was a riot! You don't actually believe any of that stuff, do you?
It was so nice and thoughtful of you to pass me that dish with all the money in it during the service. It will make a most wonderful addition to my coin and banknote collection back home in Thailand.
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