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Conversation ƒtoppers
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In the words of Dunx: "I suppose it's a long way off yet, but listening to this week's ISIHAC I liked the game of "Opening Lines" where the players would provide a line guaranteed to end the conversation with famous personages. Eg - "So, Mr Bush - is English your first language?" "Table for Mr Stringfellow and his granddaughter!" To Rod Hull - "Where's your emu?" Well, it made me laugh a lot anyway."
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To my wife - I'm going out with my mates tonight Technically, this is a conversation stopper because the conversation stops and an argument starts.
United Airlines Stewardess - "Whoa purty lady, you just lit the fuse on the heat seeking missile in my pocket."
Elijah Wood - "You're smaller than you look on film."
King Richard III - "Would a donkey suffice?"
Romeo: "Forget her, she's not worth it, get better stuff down C*ntgr*p* Lane."
Mother Superior - "Oh F*ck!"
Joan of Arc - "Whinge, whinge, whinge. You're such a bloody martyr." (Dunx - love that one!)
To Ken Livingstone - "It's about twenty minutes' drive".
Tom Cruise at the fun fair.........sorry son you have to be a few inches taller to ride on the merry-go-round
To John Wesley - "Coming down the pub, then?"
John Knox: "Let me introduce you to my wife, the minister for our parish."
Martin Luther: "95 theses? Impossible, I sweated for three years over just one!"
To George Best: "Well, life depends upon the liver, as the old saying has it."
The Wright Brothers: "Bet you lads can't do a loop-the-loop in that thing."
John Prescott: "Here's your bus pass, Mr Prescott."
To Napoleon Bonaparte: "For Heaven's sake, grow up!"
To Louis XVI: "Heads or tails?"
To Nostradamus: "I can't see your ideas being acceptable in the future."
To General Douglas MacArthur: "How's the tennis going?"
To Douglas Adams "Sorry, why was it 42?"
Humphrey Lyttelton: "You're that trumpeter fellow Kenny Ball, aren't you?"
To the Spanish Inquisiton (In Monty Python, at least) "I've been expecting you."
The Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe: "You're child allowance has been stopped."
The Aged Mariner: "I've heard that one before. Now, this really happened..."
Prince Philip: "I'm here to revoke your shotgun license" (deeply ashamed at the apostrophe abuse in my previous entry)
Queen Victoria - "Come on, cheer up!" [KH] Well, I didn't like to say...
To Captain Oates - "See you later, then."
To Richard Branson: "Well, are you?"
To Engelbert Humperdinck "So what ever happened to Gerry Dorsey, then?"
Richard Branson (again): "I'm sorry I'm late, aren't the trains crap these days..."
To Douglas Bader - "Don't fight the Air Ministry, old chap, you don't have a leg to stand on."
To any Australian Labor P.M. - "Care for a swim?"
To any Australian Liberal P.M. "Gough Whitlam's a mate of mine."
To Sven Goran Eriksson - "How do you fancy your chances?"
Open university rep......"Well Mr Pott what do you think of our distant learning packages"?
widey to widey......When you going to learn to write HTML?????
Ernst Lehmann of the Hindenburg ...."It was no easy task Captain, but I have located the Hydrogen leak ... doesn't appear to be a problem ... I'll patch it up soon's I have a smoke."
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