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Corporation Dustcart
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Michael Grade has just been appointed Director General of the BBC, and, true to form, wants a clearout. Please provide inappropriate sentences that sound the death knell for a radio or television programme (for example: The Money Programme - Has anyone got 50p for the meter? or Upstairs Downstairs - "Rose! We're moving into a bungalow!"). Since Grade believes that he has God-like powers, you don't have to stick to the BBC.
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"The nurse will kiss it better then you can go"

Blue Peter

We've decided not to do an advent crown this year. Instead, get some chalk, draw a pentacle on the floor (you may have to ask a parent or guardian to take up the carpet first), and then get your goat and a sharp knife...

Ready Steady Cook
OK your ingredients are three bottles of beer, a bag of pretzels and six ounces of canabis...

Have I Got News For You

"And now, the weather."

Songs of Praise

"This week, we'll be coming to you live from Jerusalem" Darren, I salute you!

Location, Location, Location
"According to the latest reports, more and more people are buying mobile homes these days. What will this trend mean for the traditional estate agent?"

Tomorrow's World

"This small device promises to make all conventional forms of communication and entertainment obsolete at a stro..."

Star Trek

"Captain it appears that all the aliens are actually human beings in dodgy makeup, hell even my ears are just glued on" (Because he used the word 'hell')

24

"I think I'll take the day off."

Antiques Roadshow

"I'd say that any diary written by Adolf Hitler should be worth at least a million..."

Sex and the City
"Gee, I never realised how much fun a nunnery would be"

Eastenders
I see Albert Square has been purchased as a site for the Olympic Village

Question Time
- At last Mr Blair, and honest answer.

Womens Hour
At last Mr Blair, an honest answer. (ooops)

Womens Hour
Introduced this week by Emily Howard.

Just A Minute
We interrupt this programme for a repeat of a, err, gale warning.

Songs of Praise

"This week, we'll be coming to you live from Jerusalem"

A Touch of Frost

"Ooh! The sun's come out!"

University Challenge
More smart-arses making the rest of us look dim.

Countdown

"Zero....where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!"

Doctor Who

*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Raak*
Er, how did that happen?
Well done Raak, I guess(?)
Must have been the winning move - shall I reactivate this?
Doctor Who: "Yeah, I know it looks small, but it's bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside. Look, come in here with me and I'll let you have a play with it."

The Weakest Link

Actually, you all did really well...

Big Brother
"We thought he was kidding when he put 'cannibal' on his application form!"

Coronation Street
"We're demolishing the whole lot to make room for a new bypass, the plans for which have been available in a locked filing cabinet in the basement of the council offices for the last three weeks."

Late Junction

"It's a late, Late Junction" No more Mongolian nose-flute misery.

You and Yours

"Oi, that's mine, give it back."

See Hear!

"That's the last time we invite Liam Gallagher to the BBC"

Love on a Saturday Night
"you're getting divorced?"

BBC London News
"Let's ask a journalist!"

Grandstand
"Sit down! I can't see a bloody thing!"

Panorama

"And our next report comes from the bottom of a valley"

What Not to Wear

"In our next series, we'll be rediscovering sixties fashions."

Friends (has the final episode been screened over here yet?)

The One Where Ross Joins Joey and Chandler for Three-in-a-Bed Man-on-Man Action.

The Premiership

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