...I thought I recognised the winning horse, and as it turned out, I was the tall and attractive german stable-lad who had raised it all those years ago. Pulling up my shorts, I strode over to the jockey, who it turned out also recognised me from our schooldays. We've been married for three years now, and last month we celebrated the birth of our first...

...foal, bred from our two thoroughbreds, Far Canal and Hoof Hearted. We are still trying to think of a suitable ame to register with the Jockey Club. Have you any suggestions? We did think of calling him...

...Jeff after my aunt, but she didn't think it was a suitable name for such a....

....strange looking animal, and with six legs and a long purple neck. The first time it went for a walk it caused quite a stir down at the....

...local pub where it would stand at the bar for hours at a time, drinking bitter, and telling stories about the time when...

...it had been working the night shift at a local shop and had received...

..an interesting proposition from Julian Clary. Meanwhile, the stable boy had just come into the bar and was giving "dead cert" tips to anyone who would buy him a drink. Apparently, up on the gallops, the word was that Jeff....

...rey Bernard had murdered his daughters Black girlfriend. All hell ensued as the bloody fingerprints were erased by...

.....a judicious use of 3 tons of concrete, but what they seemed to forget was...

the cameras hidden by the Beadle's About crew were still rolling. Sadly, after the swearing was edited out there was only about three seconds of broadcastable material and Beadle ended up

miming to the soundtrack of 'Tommy' just to keep the audience entertained! Well that’s about all for now, I've got a bus to catch. Apparently there is some sort of "pilgrimage" I am rather keen to attend. I understand we are going to be playing rugby at Mornington Crescent. Or have I got that wrong?

Lots of love

Trellis (Mrs)