actually in Doncaster so i was't a rainforest at all but...

...an elaborate set built by a 'reality' TV production company that they were using to stage a programme, mostly about...

...the Doncaster and District Chrysanthemum Society. I went into the diary room and spent a good three hours talking to...

a rather strange lady who introduced herself as Mrs Trellis. She had an odd accent for Doncaster but said that she was visiting from...

...an undisclosed loaction somewhere in Wales but if she were to reveal the exact location she would have to...

..refer to a detailed ordinance survey map because it is a very remote and rather unknown place somewhere in the...

...copyright statement. I must say I was rather surprised by all this, because, as you know, I've always thought of myself as Mrs Trellis, but suddenly I realised she was my...

own reflection in a mirror-fronted office complex. Silly me. Still I had a good half hours worth of

...violence from the director of this reality TV show when he, and a few heavies, burst onto the set demanding why I was messing up his Chrysanthemum show. I managed to escape by...

...offering my sexual service to all six of them, and then when they collapsed into an exhausted heap, I took the director's car keys and drove away in...

..his Lamborghini. I was very impressed by the gear shift although the engine pinked a bit when I was driving down the M6 at 20 mph. I noticed that I had spilt some chutney on the white leather seats and while I was trying to clean it off I ran into the back of..