... the replacement axles for the clapped-out Cortina. So, fully re-axled and relax-ed [geddit?], we opted for a spring holiday motoring around ...

...the rainforests of Central America. Imagine my surprise when...

..the axles got infested with termites. We had to jack-up the car and remove the..

assylum seekers who had fixed themselves to the axles with...

...walnut and grasshopper chutney. After we'd done that, I discovered, to my astonishment, that I was able to use the jack on my...

tent pegs to hammer them into the ground. Things were going really well putting up the tent until.....

The asylum seekers demanded that tea...

...should be served with walnut and grasshopper chutney. Well, seeing as they'd used the last of our supplies to stick themselves to our car, we had no recourse but to...

...dash right into the rainforest and hide in an ancient Mayan temple until they'd all gone away. Little did we know (da-da-da-dumm!) that the temple was...

actually in Doncaster so i was't a rainforest at all but...

...an elaborate set built by a 'reality' TV production company that they were using to stage a programme, mostly about...