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Will you welcome please...
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Crescenters announce arrivals at a ball nominated by any player, until topics are exhausted or dying, whereupon another social function is picked and it all begins again.
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OK, let's review the situation. Who's 'ere? A bunch of apocryphal characters, by the looks of things. First the Dom family with their son Wes, the tedious knight Sir Ache and his pub-dwelling crow the bar rook, and what seems to be the entire McAbee clan - one, two, three, four of them. And Jeremy - ah. He's just sent a letter. It seems he can't come because he had his toe bit by that damn rook.
This is actually true - the senior partner of US law firm Altheimer & Gray used to be called Simon Odom. No joke. Another good one (but not biblical) is the Managing Partner of Dechert in Paris Mr Joseph Smallhoover. You really couldn't make it up.
Also late are Mr and Mrs Tiles and their daughter Jen, and also my good friend Wayne Amanger. Also the eco friendly hippy Jude. He's a vegetarian you know, and brings his own food - look, Jude 'as 'is carrot
Let's thank our caterers for their wonderful nativity-themed buffet. A big hand for Pret a Manger please. Senses scrapings at barrel's bottom.
I'm off to the musicians' ball. Anyone care to join me?
I'll join you, and in doing so I would like to welcome Mr. & Mrs. Tovensfifth and their daughter Bee Tovensfifth. She's a symphony in peach and i'm sure we could make some very nice music together!
And I'd like to welcome my close personal friends, the Days-Mozarts, and their lovely 5-year-old daughter Amy, who'll be singing in the visiting primary school's musical version of Little Red Riding Hood later on in the evening. (She plays the grandmother who is captured and tied up in the cupboard by the baddie - so you'll get to see a wolf gag Amy Days-Mozart.)
[ZK] Stunning!
Just entering the ballroom, we have Mr. and Mrs. Phony and their son Sam -- he's a dreamy lad, always in a fugue.
Over there, with his cap on back-to front, is the garage star Sod E. Are you going to give us some rap Sod E?
I think I spy in the corner a fake and highly dodgy character being hunted by the police! Officer, it's him - phony
Ah, welcome please Claire E. Net. Also, a distant cousin of the queen, the Royal Phil Armonic. And I've just been informed that there's a problem getting into the party - the door handel's fallen off.
Well, there's five guys named Mo here, but only one of them has the surmane Zart.
It seems that Mo Nteverdi, Mo Dulation, the unmusical Mo Notone and the verbose heir to his father's estates, the 2nd Mo V'ment, are all keeping rather lower profiles tonight.
I believe tonights MC is none other than Mr Mike Raphone (Mic to his close pals)
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Piano, and their Gran.
She's a Gran, but she calls hereself "Baby".
The wine waiter Hoven is under a lot of pressure tonight, so please would I ask you kindly not to bait Hoven.
Here are those lovely Finns, the Noconcertoincminor, and their beautiful daughter Pia Noconcertoincminor
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Fonyum and their son Hugh
Please put your hands together for Mr & Mrs O'Bowsfallentobits and their daughter Amy
Please welcome the very first entry in the phone book: Mr and Mrs A and their son Ari.
Please put your hands together arhythmically for Old Pa Cussion
Mr and Mrs Ductor have asked us to ensure a warm welcome please (because she'll throw a tantrum unless you do as she says) for the bossiest guest at the ball, Connie Ductor
I'd like to welcome Mr Al Singing as part of the cabaret. He likes to get everyone together for his Commune Al Singing. It's a bit of a wow and everyone says Corr Al Singing, you're fantastic.
PP] Did Carol not show up then ?
Please welcome Mr& Mrs Tone and their son Barry
...and their adopted half-son Sammy
and their friends, Mr and Mrs Phonic and their enchanting daughter Polly.
Please welcome, from Greece, Mr and Mrs Emiquaver and their extraordinarily ephemeral son Demis.
And while we're about it, here's Mr and Mrs Doallaturca and their son Ron.
At last! Our Italian friends, the Chertoes with their son, Con
Then welcome please Mr and Mrs Estines, and their talented yet culturally unbroadened son, the nevertheless musical Phil.
I see just arriving are Mr and Mrs Third, and their occupationally diverse sons - a Major and miner, to be precise.
Please welcome Bennettlookatthosesemiquaversinbarfifteeni'llhavetobuskit amd their son Gordon.
From Scandinavia, here are Mr & Mrs Tyfourpreludesandfugues and their son Sven.
I see just entering are Lord and Lady Musician, and their American-born son, the R. Hon. Jes.
Let's have a roll on the drums for Mr and Mrs Pani and their son Tim.
And while we are in the drumming mode please welcome the world renowned bagpipers Mr & Mrs Tom and their unimaginatively named son Tom
Please welcome, fresh from the Inferno, Dante and his ambulatory daughter Ann. (Plump) - How could you?
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Breen and their son Tam.
Pitching themselves into the fray its Mr. & Mrs. Bre and son Tim.
Prithee all be upstanding for Mr and Mrs Zaphone and their big brassy daughter Sue.
And just arriving I see Mr & Mrs Tosax and their lovely son Al.
Rather surprising that she hasn't arrived earlier, but will you nevertheless please welcome Mr & Mrs O'Lynn and their rather vintagely-monickered daughter Vi.
Oh my Gawd, it's that bloke with the twangy thing. Can't we Ban Joe?.
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Whistle and their daughter Penny
Please salute Mr & Mrs Mental-Band and their son Reggie
Who's the chap wearing the kilt? Ahh it must be Gordon the Highlander!!
Please stand for Mr & Mrs Thumb and their daughter Anne
And on that 'note', perhaps we should move on to a seasonal favourite...
The Christmas Ball

It was difficult task, but I'm please to tell you that our fixer, Ms Ivityplay, has managed to track down three wise men and a virgin. So a big thank you to our very own Nat Ivityplay.
(I appreciate we might overlap with the Biblical Dinner Dance Reunion, but remember - guests are for life, not just for Christmas)
Will you please welcome, from Ireland, Mr & Mrs O'Ration and their son Dec. Groan
And my very good friends, Douglas Fir and Scot Spine.
And what's this extremely grumpy-looking horned beast hybird that's escaped from the Old McDonald's GM Farm? It looks like a Boar-Bull to me.
Just arrived is the stuttering dutchman, a close relative of Colin, Tin-Tin Sell.
And after a long journey, here's Franklin Sentz with his good friend Merv.
Oh my Gawd, I suppose we'll have to let them in; they've got a ticket etc. etc. so try and raise a bit of enthusiasm for Mr and Mrs Singer and their daughter Carol.
Not to mention Pelham Grenville Duff and his friend Minerva aka 'Min' Spies.
And here are that much-loved couple, Mr & Mrs Whativealwayswanted. And behind them, it's Jess Whativealwayswanted.
Here are Mr and Mrs Ofninelessonsandcarols and their daughter Val, who's a bit of a character. So will you please welcome Feisty Val . . . .
Please welcome Mr & Mrs Allthemincepies and their greedy daughter Juliette
It wouldn't be the same without Mr and Mrs T'mas and their son Chris!
Oh no, not again! I suppose we'll all have to sit and watch while they do their turn, it's dull old Mr and Mrs
Bennethowmanytimesdotheythinktheycangetawaywithshowingallthoserepeatsonteevee
and their bore of a son, Gordon
Bennethowmanytimesdotheythinktheycangetawaywithshowingallthoserepeatsonteevee. aythengyew!
Prithee abase y'rselves before Mr & Mrs Shopsopentoday and their son Arthur.
Here come Mr & Mrs Nut and their beautiful daughter Hazel
followed by Mr Arron spelling and his friend Miss take (c above oops!)
Put your hands together for Mr and Mrs Allover and their unfestive daughter Gladys.
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