And I'd like to welcome my close personal friends, the Days-Mozarts, and their lovely 5-year-old daughter Amy, who'll be singing in the visiting primary school's musical version of Little Red Riding Hood later on in the evening. (She plays the grandmother who is captured and tied up in the cupboard by the baddie - so you'll get to see a wolf gag Amy Days-Mozart.)

[ZK] Stunning!
Just entering the ballroom, we have Mr. and Mrs. Phony and their son Sam -- he's a dreamy lad, always in a fugue.

Over there, with his cap on back-to front, is the garage star Sod E. Are you going to give us some rap Sod E?

I think I spy in the corner a fake and highly dodgy character being hunted by the police! Officer, it's him - phony

Ah, welcome please Claire E. Net. Also, a distant cousin of the queen, the Royal Phil Armonic. And I've just been informed that there's a problem getting into the party - the door handel's fallen off.