Your fiery temper will be put to the test this week as you seem to be in demand to sort out other's failures in matters of taste. Don't spread yourself too thinly - you're at your most effective in short bursts and applying yourself to a long drawn-out matter will only weaken your effectiveness.

Uranus is in ascension so you should think about losing weight. Starting your own badger grooming business could ease your financial stress. Don't blow situations out of proportion, just use dynamite instead. Travel will get you places. Beware anyone who offers you a custard cream.

Be abstemious at lunch today. A heavy meal and one Baby Cham too many could see you nodding off at your desk during the afternoon, and when you wake up the world will have been invaded by alien pod people. On no account let them assimilate you!

Dental floss plays a significant part in your day, when you turn up to work and find a job lot sitting on your desk obscuring your computer. Meanwhile, your spouse is in a sticky situation with a randy clergyman over the local nativity play, while your children decide to go exploring at the local substation with hilarious consequences. Your lucky amusingly-shaped root vegetable is a breast-like beetroot.

You may feel like metastasising today, but hang on! If you wait just one more day, then your host will have got through their annual medical with a clean bill of health, and you'll be able to grow all over the place without fear of being noticed until it's too late. Your lucky tumour is non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.