miaow!

Despite his pleadings to the contrary, Fat German is indeed Uwe von Schweinshaxen auf München, weighing in at 138kg. A connisseur of cheeses, he learned of the MC sites via his English colleagues (the Cheddar Gorges). It is from them that he has learned both MC and, indeed, the English language. His early posts at York show the great influence of the regulars on his speech:

Fat German: Vneek! Die Trelliswürmhol has put me in der Spoon! Danke Schön, you Schweinhund PaulWay! Dollis Hill! Jibbel!

After nearly choking to death on a liverwurst in 2000, von Schweinshaxen re-dedicated his life to MC, winning the Deutschland Open (CF84+FO) in both singles and doubles competition -- and narrowly losing the all-in match to Jörg Grönback (2nd cousin of Otto). With the Lock Cup resurrected, look for Fat German to make a good run to the top of the ladder.

You would be forgiven for thinking an earthquake has struck when matt enters the room. A bluff, hearty sort of fellow, his thundering bellylaugh is known as a window-rattler. His easygoing, blokish manner makes him a crowd-pleaser down the pub, as does his seemingly endless repertoire of fart jokes, his gutteral and convivial "Corrrr!"for any lady who passes by, and his willingness, once plied with a few pints, to make the Tahitian girl tattooed on his bicep dance. No one has ever met his wife, but he can hold forth for hilarious hours on the subject of her defects in matters of appearance, culinary skill and intimate relations. In MC play, he favors Ruttsborough and any word game that with scope for sly references to private parts or eliminatory functions.

Néa (short for Grönlinnéa, or "green line") is a 60-year-old Swedish librarian who has lived all her life in the village of Jokkmokk, where she runs the local one-room library. In between reading the books and looking disapprovingly over her half-moon glasses at the occasional visitor, she spends much of her time on postal games of Stora Mossen and Mornington Crescent, and is the president of the Swedish Stora Mossen Society. In recent years she has participated occasionally in the online MC world, although, as she says, it is "not quite the same thing". Few, however, can get the better of her flair with line overruns and tactical blocks on the Earls Court junction. It is rumoured that she was a close friend of Mrs. Trellis "in the old days", but she refuses to be drawn on the subject. She lives with five cats and a large collection of immaculately cared-for cacti.

After a two-year trial ending in 1973, Raak was sentenced to a stay at Her Majesty's Pleasure for reasons known only to a very few people, which may, or may not, include Raak himself. Raak quickly made friends with the prison's librarian and has since immersed himself in the institutions weighty tomes. Thus it is that Raak has become a world expert on every known human tribe and civilisation - and a few more besides. Within the prison, Raak operates the tea and coffee cartel and makes extra money on the side by setting crosswords that can only be solved by ultrapolyglots.