Yea you have toiled hard these five days past. Reward thyself this thine sixth day and let your time be sacred only unto yourself. Enjoy all that has been created in your name and make peace with thy sun for it is good to behold in all its glory, and in its glory lie down among the patures new. Speak wisely to she who in her grace and majesty is Mrs. God and let it be said that you shalt make the shelves tomorrow.

Your life as you know it is about to change forever. But you will not be alone. The stars will show you the way and you will be celebrated the length and breadth of Elstree for at least 43 minutes. Avoid looking backwards - it can only remind you of dreary conversations, quirky personal habits and chick peas. Discard that baggage and take the opportunity to get absolutely bladdered. You are most definitely a bloke.

You, unfortunately for your future well being, are one of the saddest creatures ever produced on planet Earth. Shallow, stupid and totally devoid of humour you will probably gain your 'fifteen minutes of fame' and then retreat to your normal wormlike existence. The only thing in the favour of titanusiblingus is that there is a significant number of other star sign allocations who actually enjoy (I assume it's a form of sadism combined with voyeursim) your embarrassment and just outright outrageous outpourings within the comfort of their sitting rooms. Your kind, as a general rule, degenerate into a Evictius q.v. Advice: Try as best you can to get the producer to keep you in the house - along with all your kind - forever and never let you loose again within our free society. (Note to SETI scientist: Perhaps you could organise the Arecibo radio telescope to transmit this stuff? At best the first aliens we then meet will be dumb, or at least dumbfounded!)

Your attempts to find someone to talk to will, as ever, be in vain. Perhaps they just don't like you.

Today will be a good day for virtually anything - as it always is in Iraq. It will be especially good for laughing at American infidel dogs retreating towards the border before the might of our advancing armies. Despite a darkening of the skies and a complete absence of water or electricity, there is no need to be downhearted. Wisdom suggests moving certain items from underground bunker 72 to underground bunker 133. Do not worry - you can always move them back again later. After all - they do not really exist. Lucky political allegiance: Ba'ath Party. If you are feeling particularly adventurous, try tying down the moons of Jupiter for the further glory of Saddam Hussein.

You will feel hungry at some point in the day and this may be accompanied by thirst for liquid refreshment. Around midnight you will feel sleepy. You may see a cat. Beware of fast moving vehicles, especially when you are on foot. There will be darkness.

There will be no hurricanes today.

The values of shares can go up as well as down. A loan secured on your property will put it at risk should you default. There are other listings magazines. Remember - children and small animals can choke on nuts. Plastic bags are not to be worn. Batteries are not included.

You are the most sought-after station on the Underground, but although many are called, few are chosen to penetrate your mystery. Concealed behind cross-striles, hidden by half-blonks, bypassed by baulking, all who hear of you are driven to take up the quest, yet at once find themselves farther away than when they started. Only on Saturday 28, will a few of the elect reach their goal.

You will erm.. and then er... but maybe not.

Same as usual, no use denying it.

History will repeat itself.

We inadvertently printed today's forecast yesterday. Here is today's correct version. Ed.
Same as usual, no denying it. For those of you already in a relationship, history will repeat itself.

 

You will discover that your father is not your father, but merely another impersonator of "Mr. Jones", and that Centre is actually under the control of an even more secret organisation called Al-Khidr, with suggestions of connections to aliens, superpowered humans, or God. You will prevent the Pope being assassinated, but uncover evidence suggesting that the assassins are the good guys. Then you will have breakfast, during which Mik Schtoppel will knock on your door again, apparently on the run from Centre, but he will not be what he seems. You will see a hallucination of Michael's face, and hear voices that you eventually track down to a communication device embedded in your skull. You will have a mysterious conversation with a stranger who claims to have once worked for Section but escaped the system entirely, and tells you that "Mr. Jones" used to be known as "Number 2". He will silently slip away in the middle of your conversation, leaving the words "Be seeing you" hanging in the air.

Your star chart terminates abruptly today in what appears to be decapitation on a railway line. According to the theory of predestination that underlies astrology, you cannot escape this fate, meaning that even if you stay indoors for the whole day, or are in the middle of nowhere, an express train will come and seek you out. Avoid blue accessories.

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[Projoy] Pipped to the post. I was waiting for tea-time and planning to impersonate Blob, but never mind.

Missed the fun by several months!!!

Several months isn't that bad when I missed it by several years.