Sir/Madam, should your father have really said that, then he was dredging the pond of poor taste! The term turd varnishing is one step lower than 'brown nosing'; it refers to those moments in an office when everything is up-to-date and staff are at a loose end. (Ed: Yeah, right!) Most go to the pub. Others, the 'turd varnishers', head off to the head and take with them 'procedure manuals', a copy of the remarks section of the most recently purchased software core, the company 'directions' manifesto or copy of the latest speech made by their Project Manager, supposedly to 'polish their skills'. I'm sure you get the drift.

Now, oddly enough, also gleaned from and I.T. type - what the heck is a Farenheit Burster?

In the depths of the IT department wallows the BOFH and the ever present PFY. And it to this latter ungodly creature that we must turn our attention. Not too bright the the PFY lurks in front of humming screen and servers, surfacing only briefly to ghost into a work area first thing on a Monday morning, 'Tut' three times before removing a computers base unit as the Farenheit Burster looks on in spluttering astonishment.

Next time I go to the beach should I take a scanning basket.