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Limerick Showcase
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A chance for players to showcase whole limericks for amusement & edification. Standard winning move for the purposes of euthanasia.
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It's the last Test for Alistair Cook
Who can now go and write a large book
About caring for sheep
With a square leg that's deep
And a Gray-Nicolls bat for a crook.
Let's go on a jaunt down to Florida!
We'll drive the I-95 corridor
And in this big van
Go as far as we can
Till the neighbours find out that we borrowed 'er.
Rosie, Raak, Software, Pablo, and CdM provided this on this site. Having just read an article on FOMMOG - Fear Of Meeting My Own Goals, which could form a new game - I felt this summed the subject up better than the article.

My mother said I should not
Complain of my God-given lot
But I feel I'm deprived
As I have not arrived
Where by now I should surely have got.


The life of a Scotsman in Liskey
Can – literally – be pretty risky,
'cause once in a bar
When rolling an ‘r’
The chap found an ‘e’ in his whisky.
In my mind's eye, I see this great wall
And behind it we'll have such a ball.
It's manned by bald eagles -
Keeps us free of illegals -
I'll be re-elected next fall!

Building walls is a question of will
Which the Dems that are now on the Hill
Have never possessed:
But mine is the best,
And the Chicos are footing the bill!
A good friend of mine told me how
The Sixties were better than now:
When, with no sense of guilt,
His boss had a wall built
Round Berlin, by soldiers, from Moscow.
And this one I heard in the Army
There was an old man of the Isles
Who had measles, consumption and piles
On top of all these,
Yes - venereal disease
You could smell the old bugger for miles.
Found this anonymus pearl at the side of a statue of Winston Churchill:
There was a young man from Dundee
who said: "They can't do without me.
No house is complete,
without me and my seat.
My initials are W.C."
(Must be an alternativa Winston...?)
There's a chap from the Mull of Kintyre
Who does dubious things with barbed wire
I could tell you a tale
That would make you go pale
But you'd probably call me a liar.
[Marc] I believe Winston lost the seat of Oldham early in his career, and got 'parachuted' in to represent Dundee as a way of returning to the Commons.
(checks) Sorry, not Oldham, Machester North West.
[Marc, Projoy] I thought that ditty was witty in the combining the Dundee MP with household conveniences. Well, it made me laugh anyway. ;)
Where I hoped an opener on MCIOS might go...
If you like, I'll put in a word
That you'd like to play Richard the Third
On the Lyttleton stage
Despite your old age
Though there's bugger all chance you'll be heard

So Theresa has gone off to Brussels
For a feed of hot chips and steamed mussels
To seek a new deal
At a Head-of-State meal
Getting nowhere, for all that she hustles
The place of her wedding is set
At the cost of penurious debt
I don't see the need
Of why I have to feed
80 relatives that I've never met
A                      whose                      and clucked
Was                      when he                      and                     
                     with his                     
And                      was in                     
The                     , he said I am                     .
[penelope] The version I know is:
"Fu**! Sh**!" listen who swears.
Christopher Robin has fallen downstairs.
On first looking into GPT-2's Homer:

It sounds like the real thing, for sure
But will its works really endure?
Or does its success
Mean that we must confess
That "real" poetry's just as obscure?

(Reusing old stuff is not a sin)
I'm writing this verse 'coz I'm bored
using time that I cannot afford
so much else I should do
such as sit on the loo
and flush when I once find the cord
I'm bored, and it's getting to me
I've been all that I want to be;
Done my bucket list;
Still, I have, when I'm pissed
A much better class of ennui.
The difference between Johnson and Hunt
Is that Boris is awfully blunt
And will say things, I bet,
That he'll later regret,
And the other's a bit of a lookalike for Kenneth Williams when he looks sideways, don't you think?
Chalky and CdM started this off in t'other game, which inspired me to try and finish it better than was managed there. It may not have succeeded...
I hail from the island of Crete
Where minotaurs roam in the street
Whom Theseus fights
On Saturday nights
An attraction that's quite hard to beat.
Bravo!
An inventor of games, Erno Rubik
Made his name with a toy that was cubic
He said its creation,
Was rife with frustration
He tore out his hair, all of it

A dying mosquito exclaimed:
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
was para-dichloro
-diphenyl-trichlorethylane.
Pen mentioned Tennyson... who can do better?
There's Tennyson's Charge of the Light
Brigade, that remembers a fight
Twixt the Russkies and us;
But he makes such a fuss
Of a half a league cavalry flight.
[Bismarck] Phil can. :)
[CdM] Phil certainly could! I am not at all sure I can reach that level of scholarship.
I want Michel Barnier's job
For the pay, and the chance to play hob
With ces perfides Anglais,
And to say sans regret
"Oh Boris, won't you shut your gob?"
[CdM] I'll stick to the light-humoured topical stuff. More my line.
I haven't got anywhere else to put this:
Gordon Ramsay came to town
Riding on a pony
He put some lentils in his soup
And called it minestrone
When I was young and in my prime
I'd a wit as sharp as a silver dime
Nae more, as one can gauge
- I have improved with age
With half a brain I've writ this rhyme
My Dad told me this one:
There was a young lady from Stornaway
Who had her virginity torn away
She said "Never mind
I've had a good grind
And taken that young fellow's horn away"

They say there's 12 N on a C
Yet there's 24 H in a D
And 12 S in the Z
But my C's way ahead
Her 9 Ls are just bothering me.
I used to hate those puzzles. No point in trying when they're like this, it doesn't scan!
There once was a king in Great Britain
Who would treat every wife like a kitten
He kissed and embraced ’em
Then killed and replaced ‘em
By such love, may we never be bitten!
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