Unashamedly stolen from my Aunty Maureen, who has Scottish parents. A young fellow called Cholmondeley Colquhoun Once kept as a pet a babolquhoun His mother said, "Cholmondeley Do you think it quite colmondeley To feed your babolquhoun with a spolquhoun?"
To write dirty limericks you need Dictionaries in which you will read Dirty words that will match A word rhyming with "snatch" If you’re filthy like us you’ll succeed.
These boobs just keep running and running As Stevie writes verse oh-so-cunning As cool as ice cubes He delivers his 'boobs' And his final-line scansion is stunning
Enough of this outrageous hammery, It makes me all stuttery-stammery, I blush to my nose, And just stare at my toes, When the topic's unceasingly mammary.
Not original, but an old favourite because of its sheer silliness:
Said the vicar of Old St Paul's "Concerning these cracks in the walls, would it be faster to use quick-dry plaster?" And the Bishop of Leicester said "Balls!"
The message came in bit by bit It was clear things had gone all to shit The chap on the wireless Was tapping out, tireless, Dit-dit-dit, dah-dah-dah, dit-dit-dit.