Bob the Dog is overworked (and I'm not awestruck by that move!)

What men find hard to understand about women is the fact that their brains exist in three more dimensions. Women call these 'fnutt', 'shop-soiled' and 'mildy acerbic', and this ability gives women their incredible powers of intuition and insight.

A recent survey found most tea-cups are leather.

Most wood is impervious to gamma rays.

Never trust a person who can use the word 'palimpsest' in polite conversation.

Unfortunately, owing to an administrative error involving tea-cosies, my previous statement was true. I will now kill myself.

Also, if you run out of boot polish, vegemite or marmite is an excellent substitute.

I believe everything PaulWay says.

There will be another along in a minute

In a Tarot reading, the Three of Traffic Cones (also known as the Trefoil Earlobe in Boris's "Nomenclature of the Minor Arcana") means you will suffer second degree burns during a home torture accident. By contrast, inverted the card means you will gain fifteen pounds when you fall into a depression following an over-vigorous sexual encounter which ends in estrangement.

Estrangement is an embarrassing way to die.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning!

I'm going to Basra for vacation this year.