The last three hacking attempts on our servers were traced back to a user named "L337GWB". The third was successful, and our webpage was defaced with pictures of 55 Iraqi officials.

Bill Oddie just came round to borrow a ladder. He was wearing a pair of comedy false breasts. At least I'm fairly sure they were false.

It was me that trashed rab's site. I did it because I'm furious that he's as lazy as I am, and can't be bothered to capitalise the first letter of his name.

If you stare at the orange juice in Sainsbury's for long enough, it will play the Marseilleise.

Parsnip is denser than lead.

'Cagoul' is the Inuit word for nasal mucus.

Loud music causes whelks to expand to fifteen times their original size.

Tests have shown that monkeys fed purely on cheese actually fight to the death over the slightest provocation.

Sloths are made from rubber, and will bounce to 95% of the height they were dropped from.

Green biro ink is the most toxic substance known to man.

Travellers in the Australian outback are regularly held up by wallabies demanding lager.