Hackers really add value to our society.

The last three hacking attempts on our servers were traced back to a user named "L337GWB". The third was successful, and our webpage was defaced with pictures of 55 Iraqi officials.

Bill Oddie just came round to borrow a ladder. He was wearing a pair of comedy false breasts. At least I'm fairly sure they were false.

It was me that trashed rab's site. I did it because I'm furious that he's as lazy as I am, and can't be bothered to capitalise the first letter of his name.

If you stare at the orange juice in Sainsbury's for long enough, it will play the Marseilleise.