The difference between a hare and a rabbit is 12.

Most of Bertolt Brecht's plays were actually written by Elizabeth of Glamis, the future Queen Mother. The two had an affair lasting seven years, until Edward VIII abdicated and Elizabeth was forced to abandon Germany, her growing Marxism and her anti-borgeouis stance for unwanted luxury and nationalism.

"Plums and Custard" is the world's least-known euphemism.

I've just bought a 50ft inflatable Karl Marx dummy to put in my back garden and frighten political canvassers.

contrary to popular belief, Elizabeth of Glamis did not infact employ a stunt-double during her career

You're once, twice, three times a looney.

Tony Blair has a tattoo across his back which reads "You score 6 out of 10 for endeavour".

To clear the build up of sludge in your sump, oil pump and lubricant distribution channels, drain all your existing oil from the car and gently pour a small amount of nitroglycerine into the oil filler. Wait five minutes and then start the car.

An attentive day at work is essential for a productive sleep.

today I experienced the laxative effects caused by consuming copious amounts of coconut milk, I enjoyed this experience thoroughly and plan to do it tomorrow again!

today i ruined my trousers, and most of the carpets and internal furnishings of my cave