There is a new vegetarian restaurant opening in Charlotte Street, London devoted solely to gnocchi. Little Dumplings (as it is called) is the brainchild of Leonardo and Sylvia Flavorisimo, originally of Naples. The gnocchi will be served plain or with a light grey sauce.

During the war, due to banana shortages, members of ENSA were obliged to sing, "Yes, we have no potatoes. We have no potatoes today."

By law, all MPs must get a reference to the Nolan Sisters covertly into their maiden speech.

I'm not a fan of a maiden's peach.

the 'ping pong' of the tannoy does not make me shudder anymore.

Boris Kerfuffle (74) has maintained all his life that you won't get far in the world unless you can master crêpe paper. He himself has a car made from nothing but crêpe paper and, if he had a lot more money, would be a millionaire.

juggling pieces of freshly laid dogmuck give me enormus satisfaction

I celebrate my birday by massaging my teeth with a mixture of lemon juice and salt, using a piece of aluminium foil.

after today's exploits, I think I might become a train conductor. it seems so much fun. in an unrelated note, i'm in love with all three of arriva trains wales, virgin trains and first great western trains.

Lay Lady Lay is a tribute song by Bob Dylan to an egg-bound hen.

Seagulls composed the main part of Gordon Brown's budget.

i have an unexplainable fear of bungelows

pelgis is so scared of bungalows, he(she?) won't even spell the word correctly.

Help help! Retail store fashion mannequins from Next and Burtons have just burst through the door and are shooting everyone with their hands! I reckon that the Birmingham wheel has been used as some kind of mega transmitter device by aliens capable of turning plastic into organic life forms and controlling them with the aim of annihilating humanity! Now where did I leave that bottle of cellulose thinners?

Ha! Fooled you.

i am neither male nor female, my composition is as follows-: wool 28%, tar 16%, lead 17%, digestive biscuit crumbs 13%, vinegar 89%

My only response to anything people tell me is "thanks for sharing".

Scientists have conclusively proved that the most satisfied a human can be is when it has removed all the grit from under its fingernails, provided there are no oranges in the vicinity.

"Tuj" is actually aboriginal for "thanks for sharing".