Boris Kerfuffle (74) has maintained all his life that you won't get far in the world unless you can master crêpe paper. He himself has a car made from nothing but crêpe paper and, if he had a lot more money, would be a millionaire.

juggling pieces of freshly laid dogmuck give me enormus satisfaction

I celebrate my birday by massaging my teeth with a mixture of lemon juice and salt, using a piece of aluminium foil.

after today's exploits, I think I might become a train conductor. it seems so much fun. in an unrelated note, i'm in love with all three of arriva trains wales, virgin trains and first great western trains.

Lay Lady Lay is a tribute song by Bob Dylan to an egg-bound hen.