Help help! Retail store fashion mannequins from Next and Burtons have just burst through the door and are shooting everyone with their hands! I reckon that the Birmingham wheel has been used as some kind of mega transmitter device by aliens capable of turning plastic into organic life forms and controlling them with the aim of annihilating humanity! Now where did I leave that bottle of cellulose thinners?

Ha! Fooled you.

i am neither male nor female, my composition is as follows-: wool 28%, tar 16%, lead 17%, digestive biscuit crumbs 13%, vinegar 89%

My only response to anything people tell me is "thanks for sharing".

Scientists have conclusively proved that the most satisfied a human can be is when it has removed all the grit from under its fingernails, provided there are no oranges in the vicinity.