I invented a new spaceship but it never got off the ground.

I invented the birthday.

I also patented monarchy, but they refuse to pay me royalties... Groan

I patented the keyboard. Pay up.

I invented non-stick glue.

I invented the joke about the toothless budgerigar, but it didn't succeed.

I invented a machine for human cloning but since then everyone's copied me.

I invented the hat. Top that!

I invented a double-entendre machine, but the knob kept coming off in my hand.

I invented an instant English-to-Spanish translator, but Πήρα τη γλώσσα λανθασμένη.

With the adept use of 8 shaving mirrors and 1 clothes mirror, I can view the scene outside of my bed room window while making a cup of tea in the kitchen! I am a nosey neighbour!!!

I invented nipple creep to undermine ZK.

I invented the internet.