I have been asked to make an official statement of apology by my solicitors after finding out that there is, in fact, a gentleman in Minsk who is now suffering severe injuries from an attack of the above nature. I am sorry if my remarks seemed tactless.

Whilst I would like to echo the sentiments of ZK, I cannot. I have never libelled, slandered, demeaned or snubbed any person during my visit to this planet.

Mike Oldfield seldom talks about his first album, Cubular Bells, as it's generally regarded as a bit square (although a solid piece of work).

I'm so embarrassed! I've been duped by a salesman into buying a rubber replica mobile phone. What is worse is that he has also replaced my entire family with rubber replicas too. Still, at least they are ‘bendy’.

Cindy is the word Americans use for sweat.