Lyme Regis is the only town to have erected over 17 statues of Marianne Faithfull. These are all in the town centre facing North. Barnsley has 13 statues of her, and is applying for European Funding in order to build another 10 in order to take the title "Most Faithfull Town In Britain".

Waxworks suffer very badly from runny noses in the Summer.

It is possible to recreate the Boer War with just a syringe and a pair of j-cloths.

If you can catch a ball with one hand, the chances are you can also compose The Messiah.

Your success at weight loss is inversely proportional to the number of yellow things in your house.

If everybody pointed at their location on a map simultaneously, the whole world would explode.

If everyone pointed at Luton simultaneously, Guatemala would cease to exist.

I am pointing at Luton right now, as I do every night at this hour.

Rice Crispies hold the eternal secrets to life.

Anadin never made anybody hyper.

Her Majesty the Queen had a surprise Christmas hit with the song "Easy Tiger" in 1952, although this record has sadly been forgotten. I found a copy of it in a vintage music store last Easter and plan to release a garage re-mix version next Monday. I at least guarantee that it will be better than "Mysterious Girl".

Sergei Prokofiev taught sewing, until he discovered how to compose music whilst humming along to very boring silent movies during the First World War, when there was a shortage of cinema pianists in Russia.

When taken as a suppository, strawberries have been found to cure gout.

Tigers prefer mango biscuits.

Tragically, Tony the Tiger is a diabetic.

"The Twelve Days of Christmas" is actually a skit written by a sarcastic bailiff.

Grapes think they're sooooo clever...

The Emperor Caligula made fairycakes and bred kittens, two special talents which he passed on to his nephew, Nero. Nero was very fond of ballet.

Greece is a myth invented by the Chinese.

Teatowels soaked in balsamic vinegar have been known to bring the deceased back to life.

Angora rabbits are actually sheep bred on wheatgrass, fabric softener and Daz.