arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
arrow_circle_up
Since I lost weight, I've been wondering why people keep giving me fish.
I am not the least bit concerned about our zoological friend's mentality.
Beagle 2 has been trying to contact earth since it landed on Christmas Day, but the professor in charge forgot to turn the volume up on his computer.
Beethoven had perfect hearing, but had too much fun saying,' What????' in a very loud voice and making people repeat really tricky sentences.
St Patrick did not chase all the snakes from Ireland. He missed four of them who were hiding in a gooseberry bush. They have been breeding ever since, and now form an army 30,000 which is preparing to take over, just as soon as they can figure out how to work an Uzi with no opposable thumb.
I have not had any caffeine at all today.
Lol, Angus, look at the last few days' worth of stuff. You're the only one to express such concerns.
[Tuj] Arrogance is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
[ZK] No, that is of course zero-gravity accountancy.
Meanwhile, MC posters are turning more and more apathetic. A police spokesman said "Wibble."
[Angus] Have the snakes talked with Reverend Paisley?
The good Rev. once attempted to find his (snake) in order that it might act as an interpreter. This was unsuccessful as it seemed to have p****d off. ... I know, I know .... coat!
Suetonius ate gerbils.
Karaoke is boring and not remotely scary to engage in when all you've been drinking all night is J2O.
Marmite contains weevils, but only Grade A weevils.
Tiramisu used to be a form of punishment in the West Indes. The Italians stole the basic idea, added cocoa powder and sold it as a dessert. The West Indians are now thoroughly peeved for not patenting the concept, and are considering detonating an eclair bomb at the Medittaranean.
I'm considering spending more time on the internet, as I feel I don't give it enough attention.
The centre of Earth is indeed where navigators of time past believed it was. This fact is evidenced by the huge whirlpool just off the coast of Malta.
I lost a 2p coin last week and I've been looking everywhere for it. I've just discovered that the mice have nicked it and are using it as a frisbee.
Maltesers are people who have met and survived the aforesaid whirlpool but, as a consequence, are now destined to travel the world in little packets.
A brigantine is a very narrow cell.
Ketch, Sloop and Careen are all terms for mal de mer.
Coracles are based on the original submarine design.
The keel of a boat is an altenative sail should the ship turn turtle.
The poop deck of a sailing ship is the alternative lavatory - only to be used should the bilge become fouled.
The helmsman of a sailing ship should never be called Matt. ... Sorry, Deano and Nicholas.
A canoodle is a small craft - it was once called a 'love boat'.
Should the bloke up in the top mast call 'sail to larboard' he's probably had too many ports.
Yarmouth was a hoax created by David Dickinson, the famous illusionist.
The name "Malcolm" has never been correctly spelled in modern history. It should have 3 L's.
Marie Curie invented Friday in the 1800's. Since then all books, diaries etc have been altered to cover this and make it look like there was always a Friday.
One that got throught the net was God making the world in 6 days rather than 7.
All real Buddhists have three arms.
Moira Stewart is the lead singer of the popular band Coldplay.
Ketchup contains only the finest, hand-picked nose blood.
Lunchtime was invented by Henry VIII
arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord