Scientists sifting the rubble of a desert hillside in Ethiopia have discovered a trove of crab shells 2 1/2 million years old that may reveal the first direct link between shrimps and the earliest members of our true human lineage.
This new found crustacean species, still far more lobster than human, could include the very first beings on Earth to use sellotape. That technology marked a major turning point on the long evolutionary path toward modern Homo sapiens, the scientists say.

The above remarks were not endorsed by www.spellotape.co.uk.

nuuuuuh sp= sellotape *goes to bed*

Just because it's just before three in the morning is not a valid excuse for going to bed - regardless as to what may have occurred within the last twenty four hours.

"Nuuuuuh" is the highest possible scoring word in the Turkish version of Scrabble, with a total of 540.5 points, but it's only possible to play it once every 10 years, dependent on the phases of the moon.

EIEIO is the highest possible score on Farmer Scrabble. And it only works if you use the Agriculture dictionary.

The color red is in fact indistinguishable from the scent of grass to an antelope.

I participate in this game every minute of every hour of every day ... I apologise for being so ubiquitous.

What King Herod needed was some weapons of Messiah distruction.

I finally got the orange juice in Sainsbury's to sing the Marseilleise at me this morning, and I was only escorted out of the shop once.

< / l i e > [Kim] Was that a lie? < l i e>
Tinsel can support the weight of an adult human dangling out of a window from it 3 storeys up. I know, I've tried it.

After a great deal of pain and healing I still love her and would like to see it he possibility exists for a reconciliation ,however Im very skeptical and quite clearly anxiouse ....never the less i am drwan to the possibility desoiteb the horrible errors that were committed

I heartly agree. As I always do. (With Elves).

I am wide awake and not at all confused.

I have nothing better to do than to fill up the boards in this place.

I do have better stuff to do, I just choose not to do it as a selfless sacrifice to the common good

I constantly sacrifice to the common good. I was arrested for it recently in Wigan.

I am distraught at the return of Good News / Bad News, as the last time I played it I too was arrested in Wigan.

I've never been arrested in Wigan, only with a wig on.

I was arrested in a Wigwam, once.

I was arrested with Terry Wogan, but that was a separate incident.

Club 1830 is a group of 19th Century enthusiasts who gather together every couple of years to re-enact the Committee stages of the repeal of the Corn Laws.

Club Med is a group of bored Doctors who roam holiday resorts for inebriated youths and remove their kidneys for quick sale.

I was one of those inebriated youths. Luckily, when I arrived at the hospital for treatment a kidney had just been delivered that was a perfect match.

I once found a perfect match - perfect in dimension, colour, composition and chemical balance. I kept it mounted in a glass frame above my living room window but it was reclaimed by the bailiffs three years ago, who discovered that it had been crafted in the workshops of Alexander the Great, and it now stands in the Hall of Fame in the Museum of Pyrotechnics in Droitwich.

I once invented a universal solvent, but I couldn't find anything to keep it in.

Last week I successfully patented the sky.

I have patented the lie. You lot owe me a hell of a lot of money. Then I'm off to Parliament...

Well I patented fiction, so you all owe me money

You can walk across quicksand as long as you show no fear. Quicksand can smell fear. Oh, and whistling won't help, it just annoys it.

I patented patenting. Cough up, lads.

I had prior art to defeat Tuj's patent, but someone had already patented the research of prior art and they want me to pay an exorbitant licence fee.

I conducted extensive research and realised that the Latin, Greek, Cyrillic and Arabic alphabets have never been patented, nor any other existing systems of recording language or numerology. My patent for all of them came through today, which also means that I get paid for all patents. I am now *minted* and am dictating to a secretary as my fingers are far too valuable to waste on such menial tasks as typing.

Letters were invented by Al Ferbets and it took him a year @ 1 per fortnight hence 26. He then started on numbers but died just as he reached umpteen.

Alan Titchmarsh is to star in a new programme called 'Gardeners Whirled'. In the first programme Charlie Dimmock will spend 10 minutes in a tumble drier.